Look, we all know that UFC is gobbling up fight leagues like Pac-Man, or Val Kilmer, but that’s the way shit is sometimes; like when I gotta buy my kids new sneakers because they outgrew their hand-me-downs. WHAT ARE YOU EATING, SON, STEROIDS!!!? STAY AWAY FROM DADDY’S STEROIDS! I NEED THOSE TO IMPRESS THE WOMEN I RENT A HALF-HOUR AT A TIME!

So, Alistair Overeem decided he didn’t want to main-event an MMA-event for the second largest promotion in the U.S.; which was acquired earlier this year by UFC. You pretty much have to leave earth now; or fight for a sandwich to not fight for UFC. Dana White has always pissed off fighters; but it doesn’t mean you can completely bypass him and still be relevant in North America. Overeem was replaced as part of the Strikeforce Grand Prix heavyweight tournament; perhaps the only division in Strikeforce where the promotion can claim some legitimate depth. Then again; Fedor caught a butt-whooping from Dan “Jake Shields made me his bitch” Henderson and his 40-year-old fists Saturday night; so who knows?

For Strikeforce, it’s time for them to have somebody that they can count on to help represent, and grow, the company before it is inevitably folded into the growing UFC umbrella. It pains me to see the second biggest promotion being absorbed, but that’s another topic for another column. Overeem just didn’t fit the bill as a company guy. First, he wasn’t exactly a fighting champion. In the almost four years that Overeem held the Strikeforce heavyweight belt he defended it just once; and he only fought under the Strikeforce banner only twice. He never really seemed ready to carry the flag for Strikeforce, doing boxing exhibitions in Japan. Word is that Overeem wanted to slide over to UFC to fight for their heavyweight division. That’s a big “no no” for Dana White right now, especially if your name is Paul Daley.

Overeem has made a name for himself in Japan, but is largely unknown by casual fans in the U.S. At times, he seemed petulant; and hellbent on “taking his talents” to where ever he wanted to fight, whenever he wanted to fight. How’s that working out for Fedor right now?

Overrated light heavyweight PPV viewer spoiler and washed up porn-star repository Tito Ortiz managed to overcome enormous odds to defeat Ryan Bader in just 146 seconds at UFC 132, indirectly contributing to the black eye that Turd’s roommate received after a drunken tussle over who finished the Cookie Crisp, the cereal of the gods.

Not content to ruin just our PPV-viewing lives; Ortiz is now feeling bold; specifically crashing his fancy Rolls Royce Phantom into…some other car.

I gotta be honest, I didn’t even read this article:

It all went down near a Denny’s restaurant Sunday afternoon. It’s unclear who was at fault, but Tito was seen shaking hands with one of the people involved in the wreck moments after the collision.

A short time later, Tito tweeted about the crash — and when asked if insurance would cover the damages, he replied, “Nope, it will come out of my pocket. Sucks.”

He added, “I cried a little because it’s my favorite car but it will be new in no time.”

I think the biggest story in all of this is that Ortiz is indeed a crier.

Until two weeks ago, when Ortiz beat the shit out of Ryan Bader, the only fights Tito Ortiz could win were against his wife, who has some skills of her very own from spending most of her career at full guard (raises eyebrows, chomps on cigar).

But now, because casual fans who don’t really watch UFC but want to convince their girlfriends that they do, we get Tito Ortiz against Rashad Evans in a rematch from their bout at UFC 73 in July 2007, instead of a fresh fight for Evans against a legitimate contender. For those of you keeping track, Rashad Evans was originally set to fight Jon “Bones” Jones, but Jones pulled out due to injury. Then Jones’ replacement, Phil Davis, had to pull out also due to injury. After reports that both Lyoto Machida and Ortiz had turned down the fight, Ortiz said “Just playin!” Now Ortiz is squaring up against Evans in the main event at UFC 133 on August 6 in Philadelphia, where undoubtedly this won’t be the only fight in the city that evening (it’s dangerous out there!).

Taste the sad, MMAWeekly.com:

Ultimately, Ortiz has opted to accept the fight and will rematch Rashad Evans in Philadelphia. Still riding the high from his last fight and win over Ryan Bader, Ortiz says he’s far from being done.

“Hopefully everybody will be happy. I’m happy; my camp’s happy. The future will hold great things for me, and this Cinderella story is not over yet,” said Ortiz.

I think I can speak for everyone when I say “I hope you’re wrong.”

Glorified punching bag Tito Ortiz has been provided a forum at ESPN to lie about defend his record and provide much-needed perspective on his legendary career. ESPN green lights bad decisions all the time, so why would this situation be any different?

Follow us down memory lane, ESPN:

Read the rest of this entry

Sunday’s UFC on vs. featured Charlie “The Spaniard” Brenneman winning by unanimous decision over Rick Story in front of his hometown of Pittsburgh, PA . Nate Marquardt was supposed to fight Story, but instead he will be filing for unemployment, moving back-in with his parents, and polishing up his resume in-between “Aqua Teen Hunger Force” marathons on Adult Swim.

For Brenneman , UFC tried to play up the whole “Rocky” angle (underdog takes fight at the last minute, ends up going the distance) and I don’t buy it for two reasons. 1) Rocky lost the fight in Rocky I to Apollo Creed; and 2) The Spaniard looks way more like Stallone in Nighthawks then he does Rocky Balboa.

(written before the fight) Meanwhile Cheick Kongo was channeling his inner Kimbo Slice yesterday before getting into the cage with Pat Barry, which I wholeheartedly support. Kongo got absolutely rocked by Pat Barry twice before he put Barry out with sea legs. Easily the most devastating knockout since this guy.