I rarely write about baseball, mostly because it’s just not that appealing to me. If the ratings are to be believed then I far from alone. I can pretty much predict all the teams that will be in it every season. Oh, sure, some “smaller market” clubs can break through here and there, like the Detroit Tigers, or the Tampa Bay Rays (or the Milwaukee Brewers), but we all know that the Yankees, Red Sox, Phillies, and Braves are almost assured to be in it and that they get the dominant coverage.

It doesn’t even matter that there have been five different clubs that have won the World Series the last five years; including a “small market” St. Louis Cardinals team. It was pretty lame for me to watch Indians Pitcher Cliff Lee face off against former Indians pitcher CC Sabathia in Game 1 of the 2009 World Series but that’s not the worst for me, either. It sucks that every August, just as the division races heat up, wealthier teams swarm like vultures and just scoop up players from other teams that either a) can’t afford to resign them or b) aren’t playing for anything. That’s bad, but not the worst, either. That’s not what I hate the most about baseball. No, the worst in when one of those clubs DOESN’T make it; because then we have to hear about all the time.

Case-in-point; the Red Sox absolutely collapsed down the stretch to piss away the AL East division crown and slip out of the playoffs. No big deal, right? The Cleveland Indians were in first place at the all-star break, and shit the bed as well, it happens. But, this is the Red Sox, why how will WE EVER BE ABLE TO WATCH THE POSTSEASON WITHOUT THEM!? ESPN has been running constant coverage of the Red Sox; interviews with David Ortiz; “analysis” from fake bleeder Curt Schilling; and grainy footage of Terry Francona in dad jeans leaving the Red Sox podium. I have heard more about the “lack of chemistry” and “too much partying” in the Red Sox clubhouse then I have heard about the entire rest of the postseason. Baseball players party ALL THE TIME. It’s not like baseball is a grueling sport to play. But because the Red Sox cleaned out their lockers last week we MUST HAVE ANSWERS!

That’s wrong; that’s part of why baseball is awful.

Do you think the NFL yammers away when the Cowboys miss the postseason AGAIN? No, they move on; because they rightfully recognize that the to sustain interest in the sport you have to look for more compelling stories then just the same stuff with the same teams. In 2007, Alex Rodriguez opted out of his $252 million contract with the New York Yankees just before Game 4 of the World Series. It pissed off a lot of people because it took away interest from the game. Not ESPN; they ran 24/7 coverage and moved the two teams playing in the World Series to the back of the bus. More Yankees stories, YES PLEASE? (claps like a seal)

It illustrates the other thing I hate about baseball. ESPN is a huge part of the problem. They spent years building up the Yankees/Red Sox rivalry to some obnoxious crescendo. It helped that they had willing participants; why, who could forget Pedro Martinez, who grew up in the Dominican, and started his career with the Expos, throwing down former Red Sox bench coach Don Zimmer, who looked curiously like Don Rickles. Or the footage of A-Fraud Alex Rodriguez and Jason Veritek sissy-fighting was played thousands of times. In the process of building up this phony rivalry, they managed to make the game stale. How much breath and footage can be wasted on this? ESPN plans to find out.

Look, I don’t give a shit that Theo Epstein is going to go try to fix the Chicago Cubs, another team that doesn’t do shit every season but we have to hear about it because Michael Wilbon likes to remind people that he once lived in the midwest more than 30 years ago. GMs move teams all the time. I don’t even care that Terry Francona is being made the scapegoat for the collapse of his team; doesn’t that happen with EVERY coach that gets the door? I just know that everytime one of the “evil empire” teams misses the postseason ESPN runs about a thousand stories; and an angel gets it’s wings. I also know that many more people would rather watch pre-game coverage of an early season NFL game when airing opposed to October baseball.

Jason Garrett is starting his first full season as the head coach for the Dallas Cowboys after the team unceremoniously dumped Wade Phillips in the middle of last season. Garrett appears to be taking a much more “all inclusive” approach to training camp, unlike most of his other peers in the coaching world. Garrett is of the mindset that rookies in the NFL shouldn’t be singled out because of the mere fact that they are rookies. In other words, there will be no rookie hazing on Jason Garrett’s watch.

Via ESPN:

“It’s just something I believe in and we believe in as a staff,” Garrett said. “The young guys are part of our football team. They certainly need to get themselves acclimated in a lot of different ways, and our veteran players are in charge of welcoming them to the NFL in a real positive way.

“Also, there are some other things that go with that, but there’s not going to be anything that’s demeaning in any way that a rookie has to do. We just don’t believe in that.”

Well dang, that is just isn’t any fun at all now is it? I’m not saying you have to do some animal house type stuff to the rookies to make them “pay their dues” but, c’mon, carrying shoulder pads and tying them up to the goalpost with athletic tape are time honored “rites of passage” for NFL rookies league-wide. What is the harm in doing any of that? Those are team bonding moments that one just can’t get by doing things like singing Kumbaya fireside with some smores. I mean, is this an NFL training camp or summer camp?

The NFL has already taken away two-a-days and full pad/helmet practices out of the training camps under the new collective bargaining agreement and now the Cowboys taking it to a whole new level of wussdom with this move.

Make the kids earn their keep. None of the “hazing” that takes place in the NFL is all that bad anyway, its appears to simply be a good way for the players to build trust and camaraderie with their teammates. No physical harm, no foul, right?

I wonder how this judgment call of his will affect how Garrett’s players feel about him this season. Last season, apparently, he wasn’t making a lot of friends in that locker room:

Maybe he just needs to lighten up a little? Could probably go a long way to getting his team on his side.

Cowboys all-time great wide receiver Michael Irvin is interviewed in the new issue of Out magazine about his relationship with his brother Vaughn, who succumbed to stomach cancer at the age of 49 in 2006. This is worth taking a look at not only because the subject of homosexuality in professional football remains somewhat taboo to many players, but also because Irvin’s vanity is on full display (see above image).

Growing up, Irvin greatly admired his brother Vaughn, who was a successful bank manager while still living in “the ’hood,” says Irvin. That success made him “God” in his younger brother’s eyes. “He was the smartest, most charismatic man I’d ever seen in my life. We would all say, ‘Can you believe — white people put Vaughn in charge of all that money?!’ ” The boys had similar personalities: Both were gregarious and got along with just about everyone. As the 15th child of 17, Irvin wore Vaughn’s hand-me-downs as a boy, and they grew up in close quarters. Even as Irvin kept the secret of Vaughn’s sexual orientation, he remained close to him until Vaughn died of stomach cancer at the age of 49 in 2006.

Just my opinion, but Irvin’s conduct, at times, while an active member of the Cowboys, would challenge the love of most families far more then another family member’s sexual orientation. He also could have openly supported his brother during his playing days, but he does try to explain why he did not do so at the time.

Regardless of what you think of Michael Irvin, he has a strong point about acceptance. Equality is not just some goal, but something that we should all strive to achieve, day-by-day, as a modern society. We’ve come too far not to respect all genders, races, and orientations (“The More you Know” music starts playing).

Okay, serious stuff is out of the way. Now let’s go stuff those nerds into the toilet head-first then hang them up the flag pole by their shorts (pops collar on letter jacket, knocks books out of nerd’s hand, shoves teacher).

Let’s face it, Professional athletes are not the brightest bunch of people. Many of them come from dysfunction, and have successfully leveraged their unique abilities to create better lives for themselves, often at the expense of developing our talents and traits. Like successfully gauging the probability that someone would marry them for instance. Is that really a question you don’t want to know the answer to before you ask? Similar examples would be “Where are you going?” and “What’s my best friend doing with you in our bed, you whore!?”

Dallas Cowboys wideout Roy Williams has had trouble with relationships in the past. Equally important to note is that before he became a colossal bust for the Cowboys, he played for the Detroit Lions, so a $76,000 engagement ring is probably the closest he is going to get to any kind of ring for the rest of his career. Too bad, his side piece is pulling a CC Sabathia and refusing to give up what doesn’t belong to her.

Take a vow, ESPN:

Williams is suing a former girlfriend whom he proposed to this spring, according to a lawsuit obtained by the Odessa American on June 30.

The lawsuit says Williams, a native of Odessa, Texas, is trying to regain possession of a $76,000 engagement ring he sent — by mail — to Brooke Daniels, the 2009 Miss Texas USA, whom he dated for nearly a year.

Williams also sent Daniels $5,000 for school and dental bills, a baseball for her brother and a taped marriage proposal in February.

When Daniels declined to marry Williams, the lawsuit says she didn’t return the ring when he asked for it back. According to the lawsuit, Daniels said she lost the ring.

Honestly, who mails an engagement ring to someone? I am being serious. I’ve never walked down the aisle without a bun in the oven and a shotgun in my back.

Starter knew better than to go with Coolio. They left him for whoever makes 8 Ball jackets.

The Deuce doesn’t house any Cowboys sympathizers. Far from it. However we weren’t about to turn down an opportunity to interview Tony Romo when it was offered by the good people at Starter. We weren’t able to cover everything we wanted in the allotted time. However we managed to hit several topics as well as get our word association on.

First off, Cowboys fans can rest easy. If the lockout doesn’t kill part or all of next season, Romo will be back under center. He says he’s been “healed up” for several weeks. He’s good to go for mini-camp and training camp whenever that happens.

Speaking of the lockout, Romo sounded optimistic (or non-committal) about next season’s status.

We’ll be playing next year. I love football. There are some things to sort out but it’ll get done. …People love football.

Needless to say, Romo wasn’t as emphatic about the negotiations as Antonio Cromartie who put everyone on blast and wants both sides to sort the situation out yesterday. Then again he doesn’t have nine kids to feed.

Romo will have more time to focus on his golf game if the lockout happens. He attempted to qualify for a berth in the US Open last year during the off-season. However he had to withdraw due to football obligations. He’s played once since his injury last October. What’s the state of his game right now?

I played once a couple weeks ago. I stink right now. I haven’t played for several months. I’ll be playing in some tournaments in the coming months. …[Golf] helps me keep my competitive edge during the off-season. Thinking on the [golf] course also helps me on the football field.

Romo is scheduled to play in the Pebble Beach Pro-Am which starts on Thursday. He’s paired with friend and Cowboys fan John Daly** for the second year in a row. Last year they missed the cut after shooting 65-70-78. Maybe they’ll have a better chance if they wear matching pants. Don’t bother coming if you’re not gonna come with the thunder, playboy.

The Super Bowl isn’t an easy subject for obvious reasons. The Cowboys were hoping to be the first team to play in their hometown. It’s a bitter pill to swallow when you’re forced to watch other teams play in your stadium. It probably tastes like burning.

“I’m sorry to not be playing. No, actually it hurts…”

Unfortunately Romo wasn’t as open when it came to his Super Bowl prediction. At first, he thought we were asking him about how good it was for Dallas to host the Super Bowl but we weren’t interested in that. All we wanted to know was who he thought was going to win the game.

They’re both great teams. It’s the toughest game in the playoffs [so far]. I think it’ll come down to the last possession. Whoever has the ball last will probably win the game.

The Packers did have the ball last but the game wasn’t decided by Aaron Rodgers taking a knee unless we missed something. At least he’s still better at predicting games than Pele.

Romo was born in San Diego but spent his formative years in Wisconsin where he was a four-sport athlete. Did that factor into who he wanted to win the game or did it not matter?

When you play in the NFL, you don’t pull for other teams. You just want to win.

He admitted the answer might be different if a division rival were playing. The Giants or Eagles playing in Cowboys Stadium would have to hurt a little more. The Redskins aren’t even an issue unless Jeff George comes out of retirement. Wait, you don’t win games by falling over in the pocket without anyone touching you. Dan Snyder lawsuit in 5…4…3…

The transition from Wade Phillips to Jason Garrett came up in the course of discussing how last season ended and the prospects for 2011. We wanted to know the differences between the two and how their coaching styles differed. Didn’t get much there. “Wade was different than Bill [Parcells]“.

Garrett “has a good understanding of the team and how to play the game”. Does that mean Phillips didn’t? We’re going to assume so for the sake of controversy but Romo was towing the company line. Apparently he didn’t learn how to throw people under the bus from T.O.

Speaking of the former Cowboys receiver, it was time to try some word association. Maybe we’d have some better luck. Romo was up for it but maybe he was because he wasn’t going to give anything up. We asked him to tell us the first thing that came to mind when we gave him a name.

Wade Phillips.
Great coach.

Jerry Jones.
Great owner.

T.O.
Great receiver.

Brett Favre situation.
(Silence) Great quarterback

Keepin’ it tight, I see… Come on, give us something. You know you want to say something else.
(Silence) Great quarterback.

Lesson learned. We should have pulled a page from The Dan LeBatard Show with Stugotz playbook and played “Douche or No Douche“. No way around that game, Romo. Many have tried but eventually they all fall in line. Just ask Mean Joe Greene.

Romo discussed his relationship with Starter. He, along with Ludacris, unveiled a multi-purpose sports field renovated by Starter. It’ll be used by underprivileged kids from several different schools in the Dallas area. The field was previously only used for practice due to its condition but now games can be held.

I have a good partnership with Starter. They’ve been so generous especially [renovating] this field in Pleasant Grove for underprivileged kids. It’ll serve five middle and high schools. It’ll keep them out of trouble and [give them a chance] to prove themselves.

There was no way we were going to talk about Starter without asking Romo about old school Starter jackets. He laughed and said, “Oh yeah those were great but I don’t really keep those anymore”.

Bet he wished he kept some Starter jackets when the NFL was making players wearing pink for breast cancer awareness. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. The good thing is that anyone rocking one of them now doesn’t have to worry about getting shot for it and their Air Jordans like back in the day.

We couldn’t leave without asking Romo for his opinion on sports blogs and whether he reads them.

I don’t really read them. There’s too much going on… Anyway they (not saying you) don’t really know what’s going on especially off the field.

The save’s not necessary, Tony. We have thick skins and sometimes blogs know more than people think about what’s happening on and off the field. Obviously Bleacher Report is excluded from the blogs in the know. They’re too busy calling Mike Tomlin an affirmative action success story. Par for the course.

There was way more we wanted to cover such as his future in the game and struggles to get over the playoff hump. We weren’t going to ask him anything about Jessica Simpson or Carrie Underwood so you’ll have to save your “sexual napalm” questions for the next time you run into him.

** John Daly is the unofficial golfer of the Deuce. Man, we’re here for you. Your boy gave the Deuce some time and it didn’t kill him. Give us the interview, Daly!