Researchers note that domestic violence rates in Wisconsin always rise after a Green Bay Packers loss. Of course, the World Cup has to do everything bigger and better. You try to watch the World Cup over a religious program? That’s a killin’. Cry over the US-Ghana match while people are trying to watch. That’s unpatriotic. Oh that’s a killin’ too.

Hector Castro of McAllen, TX will be (or already has been) charged with murder in the death of his 2 year old stepdaughter. The reason? She wouldn’t stop crying during the US-Ghana game. I was yelling during the match but that’s going a bit too far. The details of the crime are brutal to say the least.

Police Chief Victor Rodriguez says Castro told investigators that the toddler wouldn’t stop crying while he was trying to watch the U.S.-Ghana matchup on Saturday.

Rodriguez says the child was severely beaten and suffered several broken ribs. Police said a screw or bolt was forced down her throat in an apparent attempt to make it look like she chocked to death.

Congratulations, America. You know soccer has made it here when we start killing each other over it.

A special shout-out to Landon Donovan for helping make the game what it is today by knocking up a groupie. Well played!

Enjoy Portugal-Spain today and remember to shut up while I’m watching the game. I’m not sayin’. I’m just sayin’.

Poor Mike Tomczak. Always adequate yet mediocre as a quarterback. It turns out he’s the same when it comes to domestic violence.

Tomczak was arrested and charged with two counts of simple assault after attacking his wife in their home.

Mr. Tomczak was arrested Monday afternoon at his home after his wife called police. Police said Mr. Tomczak reportedly lunged at his wife and stepped on her foot, but did not hit her, according to KDKA-TV.

At least Tomczak stayed true to form and missed the open receiver. He shouldn’t feel too bad. Kyle Boller would have lunged forward and fallen backwards without making any contact. However Ben Roethlisberger says he’s doing it wrong.

If you’ll excuse me, I’m off to Casey’s to see their bar midget who’s quite interested in whoever “wants to fucking drink” and check the white power graffiti in the bathroom. Stay classy, Pittsburgh.

** If you’re wondering, this picture was taken at Casey’s last year after we drank Chimp’s wedding reception dry and started a bar crawl. It was the first stop but should have been the last. Oh Primanti.

Seems like Santonio Holmes isn’t going to get off the hook as easily as he thought.  After previously not cooperating with authorities, Holmes’ accuser Anshonae Mills told police Wednesday that she now wants him charged with throwing a glass at her and cutting her face all because of some beef over a seat in a VIP lounge.  She is also suing Holmes in civil court for assault & battery and intentional infliction of emotional distress for an amount in excess of  $15,000.  Seems like that was worth it, eh Santonio?

This has been quite the offseason for the Steelers, you’ve got their starting quarterback facing sexual assault charges stemming from some incident in a college bar and now their #2 wide receiver is  facing assault and battery charges from some VIP clubbin.  After these past few years of Steelers gettin in legal trouble, The Deuce now asks the question…who will be the next Steeler to get accused of a crime?  Lets take a look at some arbitrary odds that I have just created right now, purely for entertainment purposes.

Jeff Reed 1 to 2

This guy is a walking disaster.  Not only does he not mind dubious photos of himself to get released onto the Internet but he was arrested twice last year for crimes that involved alcohol.  This guy is a drunk and has got to be the odds on favorite to get nicked next.

James Harrison 4 to 1

He was arrested back in 08 for assault, so he’s shown the propensity to commit violence to people on and off the field of play.  He’s gotta have a decent shot at winning this bet, but his lack of being a total drunken ass in public put’s him behind the Jeffmeister.

Santonio Holmes…AGAIN  8 to 1

I mean, this guy is a notorious pot user and he’s currently got a bad combination of a ton of stress bearing down on him and a lot people keeping their eyes on him to make sure he doesn’t get into anymore trouble.  The second this guy smokes up to relieve the stress Johnny Law is coming to knock on his door to make him put it out.

Matt Spaeth 15 to 1

He was Jeff Reed’s partner in crime during one of Reed’s two arrests in 2009, I mean ya cant let a guy drink alone, right?  Spaeth got caught for public urination outside of the stadium.  Odds are he won’t get arrested again but you and I know its not the first time he’s taken a leak outside a bar and it won’t be his last.

Larry Foote 50 to 1

Foote was involved in a custody battle of a son he didn’t know existed back in 2006 and there’s been no trouble since he won that case. Foote’s always been a great guy, but ya never know when family and especially one’s children are concerned. Emotions run high, could be a powder-keg ready to explode.

Troy Polamalu 100 to 1

I mean, no one thought Marvin Harrison could ever get in trouble with the law, right?  I mean, technically he didnt, but if Harrison could have some sketchy situation with someone getting gunned down and it might be because of him, then certainly something equally as sketchy could happen to Polamalu.  Anyone who hits that hard on the field has got to have some unresolved anger issues or some dark dark secrets fighting to get out.  Ya can’t count it out is all I’m sayin.

“The Field” 10 to 1

We’re no dummies, there’s a lot of crazy people on football teams and we’ve just named 6 people on a 50+ man roster. This might be the safest bet of them all.

Or what? You’ll release the sharks? Or the robbers? Or the sharks with robbers in their mouths and when they open their mouths they shoot robbers at you? This could happen to you if you’re not careful in South Africa.

There have been numerous warnings about crime in South Africa in advance of the World Cup which are frankly overblown. However the latest news regarding DANGER! in the host country has caused me to reconsider my trip there this summer.  Reports have emerged that security will be stepped up along the South African coastline during the tournament due to Great Whites targeting foreign tourists. That would be sharks not Boers or the band.

Today Sharks Board spokesman Harry Mbambo said teams of trained spotters would patrol the waters near beaches throughout the World Cup to alert fans to the killer beasts.

He said: “There is often a lot of shark activity around South Africa and we were concerned for the safety of foreign football fans who come here for the World Cup.

“We have taken extraordinary action to increase our shark security and to ensure that bathers are kept safe from harm.”

How the hell can Great Whites differentiate foreign tourists from locals? Do they have a Tourists of the World guidebook? Did they combine forces with the Boers and get human intel in order to maximize havoc in June?

“Ok, we’ll take the water. You take the land. We’ll split everything down the middle after P.W. Botha and Jaws get their cuts.”

There ain’t no diplomatic immunity in South Africa this summer.

Since we referenced the band, here you go:

Where else can you get Blazhay Blazhay and Great White in the same post?

So…How’s Your Girl by Handsome Boy Modeling School was rather tight. Holy Calamity was only one of the hits that will never die from their first album. You know what else won’t die? Evander Holyfield’s boxing career. He refuses to call it a day. When he’s not in the ring turning his brain into oatmeal, he likes to stay in shape by beating on his wife.

Candi Holyfield applied for a protective order against Evander after he allegedly abused her in front of their two children. The circumstances surrounding the incident are a bit…um, well, judge for yourself.

Candi Holyfield accuses her husband of hitting her in the face, the back of her head, and on her back during the middle of the night, according to the petition for temporary protective order.

“He got up and turned the light on and started looking at my face and told me he was sorry, that he knew he shouldn’t have done that,” Candi Holyfield stated in the petition.

The incident allegedly began because the heat was cut off in the couple’s home, and Candi Holyfield attempted to discuss it with her husband.

“He told me that I was only thinking about myself,” Candi Holyfield stated. “He started telling me that I needed to start putting God first in my life.”

Candi and the kids need to stop being so selfish when it comes to maintaining proper body temperature. ConEd, Pepco and those other utilities don’t provide the heat that God does. This is the last month I pay my utility bill.

One has to ask why the heat is being turned off in Holyfield’s house. In his defense, he has more children than a Sudanese refugee camp. The child support payments must be more than Albania’s legal GNP.

Who would have thought that Mike Tyson would end up with a better reputation after all these years? He’s in box office hits, the Golden Globes and Dancing With The Stars while his old nemesis turns into Rocky V with a domestic abuse problem.