This was not the week to bet on black. Wesley Snipes finally reported to prison to start serving a three-year sentence for tax evasion. Vampires everywhere must be thrilled. Iowa receiver Derrell Johnson-Koulianos thought he could take Nino’s place and turn his home into a drug house. It’s unclear if a crackhead infiltrated the operation but it suffered the same fate as the Carter Apartments.

Johnson-Koulianos, Iowa’s all time leading receiver in yards and receptions, was arrested along with his roommate Bradley Johnson after police raided their house on Tuesday.

Johnson-Koulianos, a Campbell, Ohio, native, faces seven charges: four counts of possession of controlled substances, two counts of unlawful possession of prescription drugs and one count of keeping a drug house. These are all misdemeanors.

Investigators found more than $3,000 in cash, marijuana, cocaine and prescription drugs in the house during the search, police said. The circumstances which prompted the search were not known Tuesday night.

Officers located a small amount of marijuana in Johnson-Koulianos’ bedroom. Upon arrest, Johnson-Koulianos told police he smokes marijuana and that he’d smoked it within the past 24 hours.

Ice-T was unavailable for comment. Hopefully someone on the Iowa City police force uttered a line as hilariously stupid as “I want to shoot you so bad, my dick’s hard“.

Needless to say, Iowa coach Kirk Ferentz suspended the senior and first team all-Big Ten receiver from all activities.

As of Wednesday, Johnson-Koulianos was ranked 32nd among wide receivers entering next year’s NFL draft by cbssports.com. I have no idea where Mel Kiper and Todd McShay had him before his arrest but I’ll be damned if I sign up for ESPN Insider again. I made that mistake once and it was like I was being stalked by ESPN The Magazine. Let’s be honest. It isn’t even good bathroom reading and I was tired of answering questions about why I subscribed to it every time a guest used my bathroom. “I swear I didn’t know it was part of the deal!” I digress.

To say Johnson-Koulianos’ stock is plummeting would be an understatement. Good thing Adrian Clayborn will represent Iowa in the first round because he won’t sniff the draft let alone a training camp invite. If teams (well, the Dolphins) were concerned that Dez Bryant’s mom was a whore, imagine what they’ll think of him. This goes way beyond the a Ricky Stanzi party.

Johnson-Koulianos has destroyed his immediate NFL prospects. Although he wasn’t one of the top ranked receivers in the 2011 draft, he had a legitimate shot of being a late draft pick or getting a training camp invite. From there who knows what could have happened. There’s the loss of potential income and the ability to take care of himself and family for life. However this story is bigger than the loss of money or professional status.

Johnson-Koulianos tested positive for marijuana and cocaine. Most people will talk about him sullying Iowa’s reputation or chances in the Insight Bowl. Ferentz’s coaching this season did more to affect the former than his top receiver. He has some major personal issues to sort out before thinking about getting back on the football field regardless of how the legal issues sort out.

Officers … reported finding “electronic media” showing Johnson-Koulianos in possession of cocaine and marijuana, complaints state.

Let’s put the utter disregard for discretion aside at the moment. Johnson-Koulianos was taking so many different drugs that the court should order treatment as part of any sentence. In addition to weed and coke, he also admitted to taking various prescription drugs that he obtained from “friends” without a prescription. Maybe he had a BMOC complex. Perhaps he never saw anything wrong with what he was doing. Many will say he did it to himself and he deserves whatever punishment he gets. It is his fault but he obviously needs help. Does Iowa owe him anything for his contributions to the football program? It’s about helping a young kid get his life together before he throws it away. Look what happened to Maurice Clarett after Ohio State kicked him to the curb. They got what they wanted out of him then tried to forget he ever existed. Forget prison. He’s playing in the UFL with Jeff Garcia. Is that what Johnson-Koulianos wants for himself? Omaha?

Hopefully Ferentz and rest of the Hawkeye football program will support Johnson-Koulianos through this and he’ll come out of this having learnt something before it’s done. Hey hey hey! It’s a bit more serious than an episode of Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids and the UFL but you get the point.

Buck buck muthafuckas! Guess who’s back after last night? Gilbert Arenas. This time without the guns. Too bad the same can’t be said for Ajax’s Rene Kofi Osei.

Osei is picking up where Hibachi left off. The Ghanaian midfielder, on loan at Dutch second division Almere City, had his contract terminated by Ajax after he pulled a gun on a teammate and threatened to kill him.

The 18-year-old midfielder, who is on loan at second tier Dutch club Almere City, put the gun to the head of Christian Ghandu and threatened to blow his head off in a furious tirade.

Terrified team-mates quietly intervened before the sweating Ghandu was set free from the imminent danger.

The two players had been involved in verbal exchanges after a training ground row which resulted in another bust-up at the club’s car park.

Osei Kofi returned from his car with a gun and pointed it to the head of his team-mate Ghandu.

Well Osei can soon expect meetings with Roger Goodell and David Stern followed by NFL and NBA suspensions of indeterminate lengths.

All isn’t lost for Osei. He’s young. There’s still time to save his career. Newcastle would be more than happy to sign him. They’re quickly becoming the Bengals of the Premier League. He would link up with Joey Barton and Andy Carroll rather well. I mean that in a criminal, not footballing way.

Let’s put one thing to rest before we start. This didn’t happen in Florida. Yes, we all thought the same thing when we read the headline but the Sunshine State get a pass this time.

Troy Holt, James Hill and Harvey Westmoreland lived on the same street and were the best of friends. Imagine King of the Hill if it took place in Lawrenceburg, KY instead of Arlen, TX. Everything was great until one fateful day when a lawn mower and a beard would destroy the friendship forever.

“My brother was cleaning out the stalls out there for Troy, you know, working for him. They called and wanted me to come around there and when I got there, I realized they were already drunk,” Westmoreland said.

Of all things to fight about, he said, punches started flying over a lawn mower.

“Troy offered to buy it from me for two hundred and fifty dollars. I paid twenty bucks for it. He thought I was trying to cheat him,” Westmoreland said. “One thing led to another, and before I knew it, there were knives and guns and everything just went haywire.”

“They cut my beard and forced me to eat it,” he said.

Westmoreland said Holt and Hill let them go, but threatened to kill them if they called police. That wasn’t enough to keep the two brothers from calling 911.

Wait. Why are we telling you about it? Let Harvey tell you about what went down at Troy’s stalls.

Hold up. Harvey bought the lawn mower for $20. Troy wanted to buy it for $250 but thought Harvey was cheating him. What the fuck? There’s something missing in this story besides a chromosome.

Why do I care how this started? All I know is that it ended with Harvey eating his own beard and that is brilliant. It used to be much longer and he was the envy of all the other guys on Willisburg Road. He’s a modern-day Samson. Then again maybe he’s at fault. A samurai would never let his hair get cut off while he’s still alive. There is no honor in Lawrenceburg.

Want the other side of the story? Read the comments section where Troy’s people come flying to his defense like Florida fans for Tim Tebow.

Who cares who’s at fault? All I want is some Taiwanese animation for this story. Who do I need to write to make that happen?

H/T to @VoiceStreet and the Village Voice.

It’s 9 AM. Do you know where your kids are? Don’t wait until 10:00 PM to check on them. Gary Glitter is out of prison and strikes at all times of the day. If you live in Lancashire, you have double penetra….trouble.

Scott Henderson was arrested for exposing himself to a 15 year old on a Blackburn Rovers’ pitch. Did we mention he’s also Roar the Lion, Blackburn’s mascot?

The alleged incident happened at Rovers’ indoor astro-turf pitch used by youth players and hired out to locals.

A Rovers spokesman said: “We can confirm that Scott Henderson has been advised that the club is no longer prepared to offer him any casual work.”

Exposing yourself is casual work at Ewood Park? Does that mean they’ll call him in for the serious gang bang action? I thought that’s why El-Hadj Diouf was there.

Stan the Monkey (Accrington Stanley) was arrested for “indecency” with a 14 year old in 2005. At least American mascots keep it legal if barely.