Next Up On The Apology Tour: The NHL
Time was better spent eating a homemade dinner* and watching the season premiere of Archer and college basketball than watching Lance Armstrong pathologically mouth the right words but show no remorse and engage in an absurd attempt at a semantics lesson. Apparently this interview needed a level-headed lawyer type like Nancy Grace.
It looks like we’re not going to hear from Manti Te’o since he backed out of his scheduled ESPN interview with Jeremy Schaap. Fine. I’m over it. It’s a mess and looks like it’ll turn into a bigger disaster before it’s over. Someone probably realized that the boy ain’t smart and little good would come out of a live interview.
Teo’o's cancellation means ESPN has an opening in their apology window. Oh wait a minute. Look who wants to get their apology on now. They all start coming out of the woodwork once the big boys do it or say they will and back out. It’s the NHL. Schaap would probably let their call go to voicemail or answer and say, “Hey Gary, I’d love to sit down with you but I just got this thing I gotta to do whenever you’re available. You know who would be great for this though? My dad. Give him a shout. If he doesn’t answer, just wait and he’ll get back to you.”
Every professional sports league (except the MLS) goes through strikes and lockouts but the NHL seems to have them on a regular basis like the Olympics. They have the lowest TV ratings of the four major leagues. NBC gives them little air time as they’re relegated to a secondary sports network for most of their games. ESPN barely paid them any attention when they had the NHL TV contract and they get next to none now. One would think they would do everything in their power to stay on the ice and prevent work stoppages but owners gotta get paid. They stab themselves in the foot Constable Bob style every time they start to build viewer momentum.
The league finally sorted their shit out and promise they’ll never do it again. They’re like that person who says they’re done cheating and just want you to come back. You know it’s going to happen again. It’s a matter of when not if. Well here they are at your door. They’re crawling back on their knees and begging forgiveness. How? They’re buying full page ads in papers across the US and Canada.
The ad says: “Like you, we’ve missed NHL hockey.”
The league is thanking fans for their patience and apologizing for the lost games. The ad says the league is “committed to earning back your trust and support” with “hard work and unwavering dedication.”
The league is so sorry that Kings fans are already getting priced out. The Rangers are giving their fans the “fuck you very much” courtesy of James Dolan. The NHL’s apologies are worth about as much as the failing papers they appeared in yesterday.
The NHL would be better served going on Ilanya: Fix My Life. If it’s good enough for DMX**, it’s good enough for them. They’re both that messed up. They’re not Oprah, Jeremy Schaap or Anderson Cooper worthy at this point. Bettman and Louie the Bear should sit down and allow Ilanya to berate them. I assume this is what happens on that show. Every time the commissioner apologizes and lists the league’s mistakes, Louie could play the sad trombone and hang his head. I bet she would respond like Florida Evans and yell at him, “Get it together, grouch”. Bitch, I live in a fucking trash can! Wow. Sorry. I just had a Killing Them Softly flashback.
Hockey is one of the best sporting events to see in person. It’s hard to get a sense of that on TV until the playoffs. A live game is something every sports fan should experience. I want hockey to do well. It’ll never be on the level of football, baseball or basketball in terms of viewership numbers but it doesn’t have to be that. However it can’t continually alienate fans by having greedy owners and a cornball commissioner try to nickel and dime players every couple years because they’re not happy with their current deal.
* Dinner came out damn well. Pasta with Braised Pork, Red Wine & Pancetta from Andrew Zimmern. Here’s the link to the recipe if you’re inclined to try it out. We tweaked the herb mixture and used fresh tomatoes instead of the canned but kept to it for the most part. Here’s an essential point he doesn’t mention. Make sure you have enough wine to drink before, during and after cooking. The next step is making my own pancetta. Anyone want to offer up their place to hang some swine for about two weeks?
** Fuck DMX getting his life together. We haven’t had any good music from him in a minute because of this self-improvement bullshit. I want some dirty, grimy jams. I want him to get homophobic and homoerotic in the same verse and have no clue what he’s doing. His dogs are right here waiting for him to remember who he is like Undercover Brother. This new show is all wrong. Oprah done gone too far now.
