It’s all fun and games until a figure skater gets a sequin in the eye then it’s all salchow jump kicks and people screaming “Why??” as bodies and gold lamé go flying.

Police were called to a Mississauga, Ontario hotel after a brawl broke out among figure skaters who just finished competing in the Canadian national championships.

The melee began as a celebration, says Mike Slipchuk, Skate Canada’s director of high performance. The skaters involved, around 18 to 22 years old, had just finished an intense week of skating (the men’s, ladies and pairs figure skating wrapped up Saturday; ice dancers finished Sunday).

“As with many competitions, the skaters let off some steam on the last night. And it seems some of them maybe were letting off a bit too much steam,” he said. “We are looking into the situation because it’s not acceptable, when they come to an event, to have something escalate to a point where the hotel has to get extra assistance.”

The only injury reported was a cut cheek and the skaters were sent to their rooms by the police after a stern lecture and hotel security judged each skater on their fight performance.

Let’s get something out of the way. Not knowing about stuff has never been an impediment to holding political office. Who cares if Jose Canseco doesn’t know how he would raise revenues without raising taxes let alone how to become a Canadian citizen? This should in no way prevent him from being mayor of Toronto.

The Star reports that Canseco is interested in replacing Rob Ford as mayor of Toronto.

“Can’t do enough on council,” Canseco, 48, wrote on Twitter. “I hear you are getting rid of mayor Ford on Monday. I love Toronto and will be glad to replace him.”

He outlined his potential platform in tweets to the Star at 1:17 a.m. on Friday. “Ford too much trouble to be effective,” he wrote. “Gotta fix budget, traffic, get new $ not from taxes, get more new businesses, and help schools.”

Ford could get bounced from office on Monday after being found guilty of violating the Municipal Conflicts of Interest Act.

An interim mayor could be appointed by the City Council but the better option would be a byelection. Imagine the debates leading up to the election. Canseco, IKEA monkey, Snow, Yunel Escobar, and Jarious Jackson would make for the best debate since Admiral Stockdale ran away with the 1992 Vice-Presidential debate.

There is the problem of the Canadian citizenship requirement but not knowing shit never stopped Canseco in the past. No reason for that to change.

Canseco, born in Cuba, is an American citizen, and, thus, ineligible to run in Toronto. But in another tweet to the Star, he said he plans to “work out the citizen thing.” His agent, Jose Melendez, added in an email that Canseco is not taking the matter lightly.

“He is serious about a run but as you know he doesn’t know the procedure for citizenship,” Melendez wrote.

If Gerard Depardieu can change citizenship with an executive order, Canseco can do the same. Yes I am implying that Canada works the same as Russia. Stephen Harper hates freedom like Putin.

Need exact guidelines of what I need to run for Toronto mayor and how long it takes to claim residency. #yeswecanseco

— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 4, 2013

Perhaps it would help Canseco’s case if he offered to donate a portion of his Ponce de Canseco anti-aging drink proceeds to the city of Toronto. Never mind that it doesn’t exist. His Twitter pleas to Donald Trump, Warren Buffett and Mark Cuban should be all the assurance anyone needs to know that it’s real.

Help a brotha out, America Jr.

H/T to Bruce Arthur

Update: Daniel Dale of the Star reports that Canseco is already waffling on the citizenship issue. Who will step up and save his fledgling candidacy? Anvil? Howie Mandel? Jason Priestley? Sum 41? Nah, Dream Warriors.

Think the CFL was intimidated by the NFL’s choice of the Black Eyed Peas to play the Super Bowl? You cold busted cause you wrong. Canada spares no expense when it comes to Grey Cup entertainment. Pre-game entertainment by “rap-rock” group Down With Webster. I don’t know what Emanuel Lewis did to them but whatever. We all gotta have enemies. At some point I will enter the Thunderdome with Guy Fieri and I will emerge alone. Hopefully they start some cross-border rivalry with Linkin Park and take each other out 2Pac/Biggie style.

The big guns were saved for halftime when Bachman Turner Overdrive slayed Edmonton. I haven’t seen video of the halftime show but if they rocked as hard as they did during the pre-game rehearsal, you know it was liver than a Snow** and Soul Decision show hosted by Rick Moranis. Just ask this janitor.

Let’s see the Black Eyed Peas top that hotness.

Down with Webster just made my enemies list. Forget Mexico. Listen to this abortion of a track and tell me you’re not ready to invade Canada and make sure nothing like this crosses the border.

**Bet you thought we were gonna hit you with some Informer. Well we know ladies be readin’ this here Deuce too so we figured we would slow things down to show our sensitive side. Girl, we hurt. We have feelings too. So on and so forth.

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police are quite cross with the organizers of the Vancouver Olympic closing ceremonies for depicting them in an unflattering light. Dudley Do-Right and Canadian Bacon were bad enough but now someone has gone too far.

Anyone who watched the ceremonies will remember the absurdity that ensued with flying beavers and lumberjacks in addition to a number by Michael Bublé who was accompanied by off-brand fly girls wearing sexy RCMP gear. Their costumes were not regulation and the RCMP brass was not happy.

“A number of RCMP employees have expressed concerns about the depiction of the RCMP during the closing ceremonies … specifically, the ‘Mountie costumes’ worn by the female dancers and entertainers,” assistant Commissioner Bud Mercer said in the memo sent to all RCMP members across the country.

“The RCMP core value of respect includes the respectful representation of female members,” Mercer’s memo said. “The RCMP does not condone any behaviour … that could possibly be perceived as demeaning.

Won’t someone please think of the children?! Now the RCMP knows how the Nazis felt after Mel Brooks’ depiction of them in Springtime for Hitler. The outrage! They should march on Vancouver while shaking their fists with impotent rage. That’s what Canadians (except Bob Probert and Tie Domi) do when they’re furious, right?

One would think the RCMP would be more pissed about being associated with Bublé especially when Snow was available and ready to licky licky boom boom down for the RCMP and America Jr.

Update: We were going to end with the previous paragraph but then we found something. You probably thought Snow only had one song. Much Music must have kept this gem under wraps. Canada could have sent the world packing with this:

Imagine if Snow joined forces with Color Me Badd. The possibilities…Wait, hold up. This isn’t right. We’re sorry and won’t blame you if you don’t come back. You didn’t deserve that. No one does.

Pete Townshend will be pissed that The Who aren’t in Vancouver this coming weekend. The Winter Olympics kick off in two days and the opening ceremony will be full of weed and Triad-y good times. No Olympic opening or closing ceremony is complete without the presence of official mascots. Quatchi, Sumi, Miga, Mukmuk and Pedobear will be there to help Canada welcome viewers to the city that cursed the world with Nickelback. Wait. Pedobear?

Polish newspaper Gazeta Olsztynska mistakenly included Pedobear in an image with the official Vancouver Olympic mascots.

Pedobear, who is on the far right of the picture, was originally devised by members of the anarchic 4chan message board as a way of mocking users who expressed a sexual interest in young people.

Since then a tasteless internet trend – or meme – has emerged in which users insert the bear into other photos in a contest to create the most inappropriate composite image.

The mascots were inspired by “traditional native creatures”. I’m not an expert on Native American culture or creatures but I think it’s safe to assume that the pedobear was not roaming the Pacific Northwest before Paleface came and stole the land. Maybe it was a mythical creature used to scare children into behaving. “Settle down otherwise Pedobear will come in the night on a horse and ravage you like Gary Glitter, Hopping Beaver.” It’s time for Chris Hansen and Cam’ron to stop this Pedobear from ruining the greatest thing to happen to Canada since poutine and Alex Trebek.