The 3.5 long-time readers of the Deuce or people who are familiar with me know that I’ve followed Chelsea for years. Believe you me when I tell you I’m pissed at the way transfers have worked out since last summer. Chelsea owner “Uncle” Roman Abramovich better start splashing the cash on proper players and stop trying to half ass it this month. Then again maybe I and other Chelsea fans should cut him some slack. Transfers haven’t been his thing lately. Here come three recent examples. Wrote a post about it. Like to read it? Here it go.

1. Chelsea, through Abramovich’s wallet, have had pretty good luck getting Africans into the UK. Didier Drogba and Michael Essien among others. Recently it seems like he’s getting cocky after slipping John Obi Mikel and Salomon Kalou’s useless ass into the country. Now he’s just trying to import Africans en masse. Too bad he didn’t count on the British High Commission.

Our favorite oligarch attempted to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro in 1998. He failed miserably due to altitude issues. The lesson was never try.** He was helped down by local porters who were hired to help him climb the mountain. He promised to fly them to London for a Chelsea match as a way to show his gratitude. Unfortunately the British government didn’t trust that they would return to Tanzania after the match. They ended up getting an all-expense paid trip to Moscow for a match instead. It probably came with a skinhead and police beatdown.

Good on Roman for offering to fly them to London but we’re sure he just wanted them around to carry him from Stamford Bridge to his home(s) or wherever else he needs to go. Everyone can see the toll it’s taking on Drogba, Essien, Mikel and Kalou. They need to focus on getting Chelsea back into the top 4 and they can’t do that when they’re on call 24/7. For the love of Gbagbo*, Drogba has malaria!

2. Abramovich is also making bad transfer decisions outside his business life as well. He threw a New Year’s Eve party at his $90 million St. Bart’s estate. One would hope that a man of his means would have discriminating taste like that rich Russian guy on the DirecTV commercials with the mini-giraffe. He doesn’t (beyond his soccer team and girlfriend).

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Fuck you, NFL. Seriously. How dare you? Remember when you had a Super Bowl in Detroit? Did you invite Motown legends to perform at the halftime show? No. You went abroad and got the Rolling Stones as if to mock the people that did it first and more importantly, right. We’re subjected to Faith Hill every Sunday night and now you go and pull the most heinous of musical crimes.

Forget the flags, F-15 fly-overs, troops and other “USA!” hoopla the NFL throws at you every week. They’re all lies. Subterfuge even. If the league really cared about this country, it wouldn’t make the Black Eyed Peas the halftime entertainment at Super Bowl XLV in February.

The expected choice would signify a generational shift for the NFL, which played it conservatively during the last six years with boomer rockers and mainstream arena stars Paul McCartney, the Rolling Stones, Prince, Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, Bruce Springsteen and the Who. That seemed in direct response to Janet Jackson’s notorious breast-revealing “wardrobe malfunction” in 2004.

Why punish the whole country for the mistakes of the few? Does the NFL want kids to see grown women piss themselves like the drunk, homeless guy talking to himself at the Broadway/Lafayette stop?

If seeing Janet Jackson’s breast was bad, how does the NFL think this will go over? Isn’t it hard enough for young people to get a decent education these days without dumbing them down with idiotic lyrics? Why not have them chug lead paint while we’re at it? Most people will be lucky if they remember all six vowels at the end of the set.

You think that guy who shot up his TV after watching Bristol Palin on Dancing with the Stars was an anomaly? Just wait until the BEP play.

The NFL somewhat redeemed itself with the Prince and Bruce Springsteen halftime shows which were actually decent. They failed again with The Who. The producers of the CSI shows must have pictures of Roger Goodell with a goat. How does a purveyor of kiddie porn get into the country anyway? Research, my ass.

Justin Beiber and Willow Smith must not have been available but there’s plenty of time to force the millions watching to whip their hair. What’s Up With People doing these days?