I drove by this Christmas display featuring the Ravens logo a week or two ago and had to pull over to take a picture. I have it on dubious authority that it’s still up. It’s been this ridiculous in Baltimore since they beat Denver. Flags everywhere, purple Zubaz, Giant Food requiring employees to wear Ravens gear, and 300+ lb men rocking Baltimore Fucking Maryland belly shirts. It wasn’t cool on football players at the U or Oklahoma in the 80s and it certainly ain’t cool now.
Let me get this straight. The Sun wants me to pay for digital access so I can watch off-brand Beyonce videos filmed on Federal Hill and Ed Reed sing Christmas carols? The fuck out of here. I can spend all day on YouTube watching south of the Mason-Dixon line assclowns make no budget videos for free. Now you want to show me Brett Favre and Mark Chmura dancing? You have my attention.
It gets better. Check out the dancer names.
The dancers are Crystal “Wannabeyonce” T., Dena “Hey Diddle Diddle” M., Katie “Is it Seriously 16 Degrees?” D., Lauren “So Hot in Here” M., and Priya “Move Dem Chains” S.
Oh and here’s T-Sizzle singing Celine Dion. This is why Baltimore can’t have nice things and why I’m also wearing Ravens gear today. Go Ravens!
Welcome to March or as it’s known to some, Women’s History Month. If Black History Month was anything to go by, people better hide their important female icons until April. February was not the best month for black people. Shout out to Don Cornelius. It’s not all doom and gloom. The first of the month brings a new entry into the 2012 Best Name in Sports Contest. Enter Chicken Knowles.
Knowles is a forward from Houston who recently committed to the University of Houston for next season. He’s currently ranked #47 overall and #14 at his position by Rivals.com. We can’t predict how he’ll turn out in college but this is a prime opportunity for a national chicken chain to use him for marketing purposes.
Popeye’s and KFC need to step their game up. You’d think the place that got Beyonce to carry their free chicken for life VIP card would be all over Chicken. No chain will be able to pay or provide free chicken for life in the open. He might get a slap on the wrist for cash payments but free chicken will result in him losing his college eligibilty and get Houston the death penalty. Free Ohio State. They should be able to figure out a way to hook him up for dropping their name in every interview like a NASCAR driver.
“I’d love to stay and talk but I really need to go eat some delicious Popeye’s. It helps me maintain my sexy.”
“Well, I just tell people that I keep a sensible diet which consists of three servings of Chick fil-A every meal. I was having problems down in the post until I added an additional Spicy Chicken Sandwich to lunch and dinner.”
“I know I just got here and want to play right now. Guess you could call me a private. I’m just gonna practice hard, take my minutes when I get ‘em and eat KFC until I become a colonel. A floor colonel.”