Chicago Bears fan Jeremy Piven wasn’t pleased when he was busted making comments about Ben Roethlisberger during Sundance.

Piven was talking sports during some downtime last week at the Sundance Film Festival in Park City, Utah, when he said the Super Bowl, set for Feb. 6, would have been a better with the New York Jets and his hometown favorites, the Chicago Bears on the field.

“Now its Rapist-berger and the cheese heads,” Piven said, referring to Sunday’s Steelers-Packers matchup.

“The cheesy rape burger,” he then riffed, drawing chuckles from another man in the room.

Piven lamented being caught on camera but he should be happy that TMZ was there for a change. Someone heard what he was trying to say. He needed a burger good enough for Ben Roethlisberger. He needed one sloppy like Big Ben’s game with college girls and with enough cheese to back him up in case of another sushi attack. The guys from Epic Meal Time heard his cry and came up with the Sloppy Roethlisberger.

20 pounds of beef. 20 pounds of bacon, pork slab, cheddar cheese, BBQ sauce and a bun that would even impress Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. Have a little Four Loko Chili on the side along with Four Loko in a cup made of bacon. Don’t you want to taste “crazy alcohol rainbow pig”? Super Bowl party. Super Bowl angioplasty. Same thing.

Would a Molesty-berger be a normal sized version of the Sloppy Roethlisberger? Big Ben would probably throw down on both of them when he’s not busy finding his religion. That’s him in the corner…with your little sister.

I don’t read Monday Morning Quarterback by Peter King, unless it’s first filtered here. But, serendipity has permitted Peter King to uncover perhaps the most interesting pre-Super Bowl storyline. Well, that and that little matter about the 2011 season going the way of NBC’s Joey.

Ben Roethlisberger has twice been accused of sexual assault, and so, he was suspended for six games this season by the NFL, which was later reduced to four games. Roethlisberger, who apparently believes that sexual assault is not worth more then a couple games riding the pine, thought that the penalty was unduly harsh. NFL Commissioner and “workaholic” Roger Goodell spoke with a number of Roethlisberger’s teammates and basically confirmed what every casual NFL fan already knew; most people who know Big Ben think he’s an asshole.

Tell me again how tough it is to travel to fun places and talk to famous athletes Peter King:

Goodell said he “doesn’t feel any connection” with Ben Roethlisberger. Not too surprising there. I’d always heard Roethlisberger felt he got railroaded on his six-game suspension that was reduced to four. But Goodell said he had “some very tough times” with Chicago defensive tackle Tank Johnson before suspending him, and that Donte’ Stallworth chafed when first told he’d be suspended for a year after a car Stallworth was driving struck a man on a Miami causeway and killed him, with the player being legally drunk at the time.
“The one thing I take a little bit of issue with is when guys tell me they’re being screwed,” Goodell said. “[Most often] they’re not recognizing they have a role in it.” Regarding Roethlisberger, Goodell said when he was investigating what to do with the quarterback, he talked to “I bet two dozen players … Not one, not a single player, went to his defense. It wasn’t personal in a sense, but all kinds of stories like, ‘He won’t sign my jersey.’ ”

Great job, Peter King. Somebody deserves a treat (dangles sardine in front of King until he kneels, and claps his flippers)

But is this even really news? Former Steelers Linebacker Joey Porter called out Roethlisberger in 2006. It’s not like it was a secret that Roethlisberger is a douche.

As we already know, America loves winners. Therefore, you’ll never guess what happened this week during Super Bowl press conferences when Steelers teammates were asked about Goodell’s assertion.

Drop my jaw to the floor ProFootballTalk:

Steelers linebacker James Farrior, however, said it’s simply not true for Goodell to claim that no one on the Steelers went to bat for Roethlisberger.

“I was highly upset about the whole situation,” Farrior said. “When Roger Goodell came to us in the preseason, I think I was the guy that asked him a lot of the questions about Ben. I was pretty upset about it. I really didn’t get any answers from him that I was looking for, but I was definitely disappointed in what the verdict was and how they proceeded. I definitely didn’t think he should be suspended four games.”

Poppycock! Roethlisberger has always been popular with his teammates. Let’s hope Roethlisberger uses his newfound people skills to diffuse the situation and doesn’t try to “force” the issue with his teammates before the big game.

America loves winners. Winners always get the girl. Winners beat up losers, and then defecate on their wimpy Hybrid sedan. Winners order the largest steak in the vegan restaurant and then ride the rest of the cow home to the theme from Bonanza.

Winners make money, drive fast, park in handicapped spaces, and win football games. Winners, even if they are jerks, sell tickets. It’s the reason we have to put up with Deion “Prime Time” Sanders and Michael “Premium Cut Cocaine” every Sunday on the NFL Network during football season (If that’s true, then why is Cris Carter employed?) It’s the reason people pretend to like Michael Jordan. The reason people tolerate Tiger Woods.

The problem is, even if we know it’s not true, America still chooses to believe that winners are virtuous, that the poor can some-day become rich, and the G-spot exists. In short, we love winners, we love building them up, tearing them down, and then rebuilding them.

Enter Ben Roethlisberger, elit(ist) quarterback for the hubristic Pittsburgh Steelers. The Steelers organization would like you to believe that somewhere between Big Ben getting drafted 11th Overall in 2004, winning two Superbowls and twice being accused of sexual assault, he abandoned the virtuous ways of “Steelers football.” The organization, and even the NFL, would have you believe that they operate with some kind of halo over them.

Just before the 2010 NFL season commenced the Steelers traded wide receiver Santonio Holmes to the New York Jets for a 5th round draft pick allegedly to “send a message” to their troubled QB. Message heard: the QB stays because he’s a winner. Holmes is a winner too, but we can get a wide receiver easier then a QB.

Big Ben also convinced NFL Commissioner Roger “Mussolini” Goodell that he had reformed his ways in the two months between his accusation of sexual assault and when training camp started, so his suspension was summarily reduced from six games to four. Lesson learned; if you’re a quarterback with two rings, you get the benefit of the doubt. Winners are always right.

So from now until Sunday, we will be treated to countless stories of how THIS Ben Roethlisberger is a changed man. A better man. He is no longer the sexual deviant, and arrogant dine-and-ditcher out of Miami of Ohio.

Why, he’s even found religion! Don’t see him praying after each game right in front of the camera! He moved his parents to Pittsburgh to be closer to him! He nurses baby calfs each morning and feeds ice cream to deer!

Hooray! Now drink my shots, bitches!

There is talk already about Roethlisberger’s changes. He won’t be interviewed for stories focused on him, but he’s reportedly engaged and word around town is he’s spending fewer nights in bars and rediscovering the religious base of his childhood.
This will all be amplified to push the narrative of Roethlisberger becoming a some sort of hero.
But, really, all that matters is that Roethlisberger — even with a sloppy two-interception game against the Jets — is playing some of the best football of his career. He ranked fifth in passer rating this season with the NFL’s second-lowest interception percentage, a unique combination of mobility and arm strength boosted by the experience of 110 NFL starts.

To be clear, Roethlisberger is not a good guy. But he’s a winner. America loves winners. Sorry, Dan Marino.

Was there a major upset in hockey this week?  I must’ve missed it.

• Eminem name checks Ben Roethlisberger in his new song, “Despicable.”

• Camden Yards in Baltimore is undergoing a renovation.

• Miami Dolphins General Manager Jeff Ireland was criticized for asking draft prospect Dez Bryant if his mother was a prostitute.

• Tiger Woods struggled in the first round of the Quail Hollow Championship, shooting a 2-over par 74. 

• At 17-5 the Tampa Bay Rays are the best team in baseball.

• LeBron James has reportedly won his second straight Most Valuable Player award.