In a Super Bowl that was wayyyyy closer than it should’ve been, the Baltimore Ravens defeated the San Francisco 49ers by the score of 34-31. This game really had everything one would want in a solid Super Bowl match-up. It had a bizzare 30 minute blackout in the middle of the 3rd quarter. It had the 49ers making a furious 2nd half comeback only to fall short with under two minutes to go in the game. It had special teams touchdowns, a random fakes field goal and it even a safety. This game was one defensive touchdown away from having every type of exciting play a football game should have.
And now, sadly, the season is over and we must wait until next autumn before football season comes around again. We’ll have the next 6 months to talk about if Joe Flacco is “elite”, if Ray Ray actually did murder someone, if Alex Smith will attempt to murder Jim Harbaugh only to fall short because he is not an elite enough murderer. Sigh…i’m going to miss football.
A moat is worthless unless it’s filled with crocodiles, piranhas and evil Aquaman to prevent Bernard Pollard from terrorizing Brady and Gisele. How great would it be if he cloned himself into an army and attacked the Brady estate. Imagine something along the lines of Army of Darkness. This is my boomstick!
“The Worldwide leader in sports” rarely misses an opportunity to kill athletes with kindness. Especially, the 12-time pro-bowler and accomplice to a murder linebacker Ray Lewis. Although Lewis seems like a fairly decent murderer guy, don’t let the Old Spice commercials fool you, Ray Ray keeps it real, too. So, Ray Lewis is just as devastating on tackles as he is when somebody talks shit in the club asks him a question regarding the acrimonious negotiations between the NFLPA and the League.
Let’s bury the hatchet and kill all this mess, ESPN:
“Do this research if we don’t have a season — watch how much evil, which we call crime, watch how much crime picks up, if you take away our game,” Lewis told ESPN’s Sal Paolantonio.
That’s because, Lewis said, the NFL lockout affects “way more than us” — the owners and the players.
“There’s too many people that live through us, people live through us,” he said. “Yeah, walk in the streets, the way I walk the streets, and I’m not talking about the people you see all the time.”
Ray Ray was also asked about what he could do to end the labor unrest, and put the disagreement down for good. Lewis volunteered that he had reached out to NFLPA Executive Director DeMaurice Smith to offer his assistance to bury a body. If only all members of the NFL community were this deadly selfless.
Poor Willis McGahee. He and everyone else know that he’s out on the street the minute the NFL lockout ends. Free agency is creeping up on him and there’s nothing he can do about it. Ravens teammate Tom Zbikowski can beat up on tomato cans in the boxing ring because he knows he has a job and health insurance when regular programming resumes in Baltimore.
Don’t feel bad for McGahee. He’s already come back from a career-threatening injury in college (oh yeah) and getting knocked the fuck out so he’s used to dealing with adversity. This time’s no different. He already has a new way to make money if he doesn’t sign with another team.
Alfonso Ribeiro would be proud of that Carlton. Even Uncle Phil would give his grudging approval. Too bad McGahee didn’t do “Apache” with Ray Rice as Boogaloo Shrimp.
If you keep watching, you’ll get the Big Man Dance, the Dougie and of course Double Dream Feet. McGahee’s got better moves than Darrin from Darrin’s Dance Grooves** but he’s got nothing on Jonathan Ogden.
** Keep your eye out for Erin Andrews. She swears by Darrin.
Citing safety concerns, the Ravens will conduct autograph sessions for children ages 6 through 15 after the morning practice. There will be no autographs following the afternoon practices, the team announced in a press release.
That’s right, grown ups. They did it so kids don’t have to get pushed around by you to get an autograph. This new policy falls under Rule #2 about following a team and not a player. There’s nothing wrong with having a favorite player on a team but that’s where it should end. There’s a thin line between respect and obsession. Fighting to get an autograph especially with kids around is just wrong.
The Pittsburgh Steelers have no intention of changing their autograph policies. Having kids rumble with adults for autographs is a great way to cover for Ben Roethlisberger while he grabs himself some sweet like Dennis Franz. Try walking around Pittsburgh on any given day and you won’t see much difference between the adults and children who are all wearing Steelers, sorry Stillers jerseys anyway.
In a Super Bowl that was wayyyyy closer than it should’ve been, the Baltimore Ravens defeated the San Francisco 49ers by the score of 34-31. This game really had everything one would want in a solid Super Bowl match-up. It had a bizzare 30 minute blackout in the middle of the 3rd quarter. It had the 49ers making a furious 2nd half comeback only to fall short with under two minutes to go in the game. It had special teams touchdowns, a random fakes field goal and it even a safety. This game was one defensive touchdown away from having every type of exciting play a football game should have.
