We’re sticking with this title for our soccer roundups from now on. Well at least until the next one. Don’t worry. We have more wanking in this week’s post than you can shake a… Let’s just get to it. Shall we?
Remi Gaillard Strikes Again in Brilliant Fashion
Some of you might be familiar with the French prankster Remi Gaillard. No, he’s not a mime or a muppet like Nicolas Sarkozy. He pulled off what we think is one of his best pranks to date. Check out this video of him infiltrating Ligue 1 side L’Orient and joining in the post-game celebrations after they won the French Cup.
Gaillard should sneak onto the Knicks’ bench. He’d probably play 15-20 minutes and no one would know the difference.
H To The Izza, E To The Boue! Jay-Z Loves Him Some Arsenal
H.O.V.A. may run a musical and clothing empire but his expertise in those areas apparently doesn’t translate to the world of soccer. The Sun has revealed that Jay-Z is an Arsenal fan. In the words of the Guardian Knight in Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, “He chose poorly.”
The Gunners have offered Jay and his lovely wife BEYONCE free VIP hospitality seats whenever they fancy seeing a game at the North London club’s Emirates stadium.
Club bigwigs contacted the rapper after reading in my pages that he is a big Arsenal fan.
… And the Jiggaman said: “I’d like to thank the club for their kind offer.
… He added: “I’m glad Arsenal now know it’s them I support.”
What’s not to like about a team that runs around playing “sexy football” but can’t finish the job? A hip-hop star shouldn’t want to be seen supporting anyone that can’t climax while pouring Cristal on their bitch. How long before Arsenal is sponsored by ExtenZe? Maybe Jay and Arsene Wenger can do a Cialis commercial where they sit in bathubs holding hands.
Note: Perhaps the Roc should look closer to home. Check out this post on Jay-Z and a potential MLS linkup. It’s just an idea but a damn solid one. Take some time and check out Nutmeg Radio. They’re new and have a different take on the beautiful game as well as some solid soccer gear.
What’s Next? The Dogs With Bees In Their Mouth And When They Bark They Shoot Bees At You?
Hilarity ensues when a Panamanian soccer game is interrupted by a swarm of bees. Skip to 1:05 and enjoy!
What you don’t see are the killer whales swarming while drunk chimps exchange meat for sex before rushing in with spears and stones on the flank. They filmed everything. Their first movie may suck but the second will be a rallying cry. Animal revolution is closer than you think.
And As Promised, The Wanking
Say a heartfelt goodbye to BBC presenter Kristian Digby who David Carradine’d himself this weekend. Of course we don’t want to celebrate anyone dying besides Guy Fieri or that girl from the Progressive Insurance ads. Our condolences go out to his family and friends but it’s hard to feel bad for people that go out like Carradine. At least there weren’t any ladyboys involved. Our tribute:
Read on. We assure you that future wanking will be much happier and sooner than you think.