You hate freedom if you didn’t take this weekend and salute William Taft. Shame on you. Speaking of people with no shame, we have news of more sexual stupidity from Chelsea players, someone getting beat down by some 6’2″ karma and a mascot taking a voodoo style beating.

Cashley Takes The Wrong Lesson From Greg Oden

Ashley Cole may be the best left defender in England. Unfortunately his playing skills bear no relation to his intellect. He’s in trouble again after texting pictures of himself in various stages of clothing to another woman who isn’t his wife. He was recently busted for the same thing but explained it away as a joke saying a friend sent the pictures. It’ll be hard to use the same excuse now that another woman has stepped forward with naked pictures and multiple texts from him on her phone.

The unidentified woman received pictures similar to the ones received by the first woman in addition to over 300 text messages begging her not to share the texts with anyone else. Stay classy, Cashley. Let’s see if he has as much luck getting Cheryl back as John Terry did getting his Toni back. It’ll be hard for him to say that she’s not justified in Bridging her gap at this point.

Karma Is A 6 foot 4 inch bitch for Craig Bellamy

Manchester City striker claims to be a misunderstood individual. He may have invested over £450,000 of his own money into a soccer academy in Sierra Leone and pledged a further £850,000 but he still seems to find trouble. He’s fought with managers, fellow players and fans. Trouble finally found him outside a Cheshire nightclub.

Bellamy had his ass handed to him by a 6’4″ Manchester United supporter following a night on the town.

A Man United fan battered the Man City striker splitting his head open and sending him flying. The 6ft 2in attacker – built like a rugby player – continued pounding 5ft 9in Bellamy as he lay sprawled on the ground.

… An onlooker said: “The guy hit Bellamy five or six times. He [pummeled] him in the face.”

Bellamy declined to press charges but it’s unclear what started the beatdown. He was out with teammate Wayne Bridge but it isn’t alleged that he was involved in the fight.

Maybe Bellamy was jumped by a supporter of a rival club or maybe he started talking shit and paid the price. Does it matter? If he wants to be seen as a changed man and start being recognized for his good deeds, he needs to start avoiding situations like these on and off the pitch. That means not hitting subdued fans, taking gold clubs to teammate’s heads or threatening to fake injuries or leave a club when he doesn’t get his way.

John Terry Avoiding The Wrong Sexual Organs

John Terry may be in Dubai salvaging his marriage again but he still doesn’t have his priorities straight. He can’t say no to the vagina but he has no problem saying no to cancer awareness.

The mascot pictured above is a “campaigner for male cancer awareness”. Apparently all male cancers can be symbolized by a walking pair of balls named Mr. Testicles. Yes, that’s his name. Everton attempted to have Terry pose with Mr. Testicles as a show of solidarity before their match with Chelsea. He declined. One might be able to let him slide considering recent events in his life.

Ain’t that a kick in the dick? It’s easy to feel sorry for Mr. Testicles as it must be difficult to get people to pose with him even though he represents a good cause. A declined photo op still has to be better than getting nailed in the “face” with a soccer ball.

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Does Mr. Testicles feel phantom pain like the Crimson Twins every time someone catches it in the balls? These are the questions that consume the Deuce.

Poor Avram Grant. He’s the public face of the shit show otherwise known as Portsmouth FC. One day they’re talking about building a new state of the art stadium complex. The next day, they can’t pay their players or staff and Grant’s caught frequenting Thai hookers. It’s hard to blame him when his wife is drinking tumblers of her own piss on national television in Israel. He might want to be careful. Pick the wrong Thai woman and this could happen:

Congrats Avram. You beat out Rooney and his granny whores. On to the footy.

Your Favorite Team Is For Sale

Hah! Just playin … unless you’re a Crystal Palace supporter. If you are, we’d advise not picking up yesterday’s Financial Times.

FT readers opened their papers to discover an ad offering Crystal Palace FC for sale. The London club was placed into administration in late January due to outstanding debts. Administrator Brendan Guilfoyle has been trying to sell the club as well as keep it running for the rest of the season. He says that 20 offers have been received since the club fell out of owner Simon Jordan’s hands. Hopefully there are no joke offers like the ones received when Mike Ashley tried to sell Newcastle. Palace supporters should look at the bright side. Their team is still in the hunt for the FA Cup and the ad was in FT instead of Craigslist or a phone booth.

An Unveiling Worthy Of Sea World

What do you get when you cross Brazilian soccer, rapping and whales? If you guessed Robinho, give yourself a high five in the face. You’ll do it anyway when you see footage of the Manchester City flop’s unveiling to Santos fans.

Robinho’s entrance was a bit much for this guy. He’s going to fine in Brazil. What can anyone expect from the guy that demanded 40 condoms for himself and his boys at a party when they were supposed to be on their way back to their club teams in Europe and elsewhere.

American teams should make big name signings perform some skill in front of the fans. Shaq would have to rap in front of Cavs fans. Eddy Curry would have to take on Joey Chesnutt in an eating contest or see how many medicine balls he could pop with his ass in five minutes. There’s some potential here.

Spanish Banks Playing With Fire

Banco Bilbao Vizcaya Argentaria, Spain’s second largest bank and the Spanish football federation are joining forces to offer up to $500,000 of  insurance coverage to fans attending matches in Spain. Primera Liga and second division match attendees will be covered as long as they have a valid ticket. Fans who are official members of their clubs will also be covered during travel to and from away matches.

There’s no word of any coverage for Champions League or Europa cup matches. That’s probably for the best. No telling what goes down in Kazakhstan or Albania.