Lionel Messi may not line the ladies up against a wall, ask for 40 condoms and go to work like Robinho but that’s cool. He doesn’t need to go through all that cause he can make the pants drop like a Jedi knight.
What’s more embarrassing? A grown ass man chasing a kid half his age around an airport for some love or that his pants drop while he’s doing it?
So that’s how Real Madrid felt when Barca whupped them 5-0 earlier this season.
The Deuce, for one, would like to welcome our new mascot overlord. We’re thrilled that it turned out to be Diego Maradona. The only other one we would have accepted is Aaron from Eastbound and Down.
Many passionate followers of soccer (myself included) will tell you that it’s a religion. There’s no Kierkegaard-style leap of faith needed to believe in what you can see, hear and feel. It’s absolutely an obsession but one that you pursue without the hocus-pocus and child molestation despite what you might see from Lionel Messi and Arsene Wenger respectively.
VICE traveled south to Rosario, Argentina to attend Mass at the Church of Maradona. This is more than a fan club. It’s an actual religion. Watch and see for yourself.
Not everyone deserves this kind of worship but there are those worthy of this level of praise. Titus Bramble, Eric Djemba Djemba, Jean-Alain Boumsong, Winston Bogarde, Oliver Miller, Glenn Davis, Jeff George (only if you’re Jason Whitlock), etc. You know. The greats.
Tomorrow we’ll travel to Sao Paulo with VICE to check in on Corinthians and their massive fan club which I had the privilege of experiencing in person years ago.
Go to VBS.tv for more on the Church of Maradona and other videos from the We Are Eleven series in addition to the usual hotness one expects from them.
**If you’re in the NYC area and want to attend “services”, check out Lunasa on 1st Ave. between 7th St. and St. Mark’s (8th St.) in the East Village. I’m usually there with the rest of the New York Blues (Chelsea). All are welcome no matter who your team. However feel free to hit us up here if you support a different club and want to commiserate with your peoples about how shit your team is. Some supporters groups have different home bases. We’ll do our best to put steer you towards the right bar/pub/Bellevue depending on who you support.
Some had money on Argentina going all the way in the World Cup. Others like myself were pulling for them hoping that manager Diego Maradona would OD after winning the whole thing.
Unfortunately it looked like Maradona would fade into Bolivian (marching powder) after the loss but luckily the Argentinian FA is offering him a 4-year contract next week. There’s still hope for a Tony Montana meltdown culminating in the authorities finding him face down in a massive pile of coke.
In the meantime, he isn’t slowing down. He’s dropping hits like acid.
Apologies to anyone who thought this was going to be a post on Robbie Fowler.
Argentina is going to win the World Cup or go down in flames. There’s no middle ground when it comes to their 2010 squad. The reason? Manager Diego Maradona. He already complained about the toilets and had executive bidets installed for the team. Front and rear bidet wands. Side to side and all that shit. They also have 16 inch rims.
The crazy don’t stop there. It goes on the pitch too. Check this video from an Argentina training session. Do not lose a match in training under Maradona. If you do, this might will be your punishment.
I’ll tell you one thing. I’m getting ‘Nam-style flashbacks to playing Butts Up in school.
I just to see Maradona crack and be filmed with his head in a huge pile of coke. That would definitely make up for the Black Eyed Peas. Sepp Blatter and FIFA owe the world an apology for that abortion of an act.