“I haven’t scripted any answers to any questions. This is the real Tyrann right now.” The New York Post neglected to add, “…as he hit the jumbo slow so it sizzled. Smoke filled the air around the reporters as he coughed and offered it up. ‘Yo somebody hit this. I gotta go cover some outs and slants.’”

Of course the Jets are interested in Lue. Why not? It makes sense. Antonio Cromartie lining up across the field from the Honey Badger. Tim Tebow sulking in his Soul headphones. Hopefully they can’t move Gator Jesus and Rex gets a tattoo of a honey badger defiling his wife on his other arm.

“[NFL scouts] are definitely going to be concerned about my off-the-field habits,” Mathieu said. “But it’s definitely something I’ve cleaned up. I’m molding into a smart young man now.”

For example, I know to tell my friends to wait until I let them in instead of trying to bust through the security gate.

Hard Knocks should just keep camera crews at Hofstra and Florham Park all year.

Antonio Cromartie and Travis Henry better watch out. Michael Turner’s coming at them with a vengeance. Roger Goodell and Peter King can check their fake indignation. No bounties are involved unless one counts child support.

Police were called to Turner’s house after his current girlfriend attacked his baby mama with a move that would have made Elin Woods proud.

According to the police report, obtained by TMZ, [Rasheeda] Walker claims she has 2 children with Turner and is “upset because he refuses to see them.” She also claims she’s pregnant with Turner’s 3rd child and wanted to talk to him about the situation.

Walker told cops she knocked on the front door … only to be ambushed by Turner’s new GF Elizabeth Delacruz … who was wielding a golf club and shouting, “YOU AT MY HOUSE NOW B*TCH.”

Walker claims she grabbed the golf club away from Delacruz and the two began to fight … until 5’10″, 244-pound Turner came outside and broke the whole thing up.

What’s the lesson here? Never go out with a shapeshifter. Delacruz went from Elin Woods to Brenda Richie just like that. She’s like a female Manimal. Whoa.

One has to appreciate Turner’s delegation of authority among his women. You strictly for the baby making and you for the sexin’. Never the twain shall meet unless it’s in the front yard and a battle to the death. Perhaps he should consider constructing a Thunderdome in the front yard for times like these. No need for law enforcement as what happens in Thunderdome stays in Thunderdome.

Hats off as well to the Avoid the Shorties strategy. Not seeing the kids means not having to remember their names or naming them the same thing.

Planned Parenthood nightmare and Maury Povich guest-finalist Antonio Cromartie’s day job is as a member of the New York Jets, a lofty team of hungry veterans and hungrier hippos coaches.

March 9, 1776 philosopher Adam Smith published his seminal work on classic economic theory entitled “Wealth of Nations,” which went on to influence our nation’s very first Treasury Secretary Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, in turn, is largely responsible for our entire economy, including the bundling of the states’ debts in order to issue bonds to create investors out of our young nation’s citizens in order to fund the growth of our military to protect our nation.

It’s now increasingly likely that Cromartie has not only read this classic American work, but that he has taken its timeless lessons to heart. For you see, dear reader, Cromartie prefers to leverage his abilities against all bidders and invite all NFL owners to compete for his services, maximizing his value as a laborer.

Hum the national anthem for me, ESPN:

“I’m not giving anybody a hometown discount,” Cromartie said during an interview with Sirius XM Radio. “I’m definitely going to see what the organization says and also let them know I want to go out and test the market and see where my value is.”

We’ve been critical of athletes who have encouraged socialism on this website in the past. But this is America, and we are all free to have differing views, even if they are wrong, and dangerous to our country. So if you disagree, perhaps you and your Communist friends (cough) Herschel Walker (cough) would like to go hit a Fidel Castro rally while me and my capitalist friends go make it rain in the club (throw change until we’ve kicked out).

Starter knew better than to go with Coolio. They left him for whoever makes 8 Ball jackets.

The Deuce doesn’t house any Cowboys sympathizers. Far from it. However we weren’t about to turn down an opportunity to interview Tony Romo when it was offered by the good people at Starter. We weren’t able to cover everything we wanted in the allotted time. However we managed to hit several topics as well as get our word association on.

First off, Cowboys fans can rest easy. If the lockout doesn’t kill part or all of next season, Romo will be back under center. He says he’s been “healed up” for several weeks. He’s good to go for mini-camp and training camp whenever that happens.

Speaking of the lockout, Romo sounded optimistic (or non-committal) about next season’s status.

We’ll be playing next year. I love football. There are some things to sort out but it’ll get done. …People love football.

Needless to say, Romo wasn’t as emphatic about the negotiations as Antonio Cromartie who put everyone on blast and wants both sides to sort the situation out yesterday. Then again he doesn’t have nine kids to feed.

Romo will have more time to focus on his golf game if the lockout happens. He attempted to qualify for a berth in the US Open last year during the off-season. However he had to withdraw due to football obligations. He’s played once since his injury last October. What’s the state of his game right now?

I played once a couple weeks ago. I stink right now. I haven’t played for several months. I’ll be playing in some tournaments in the coming months. …[Golf] helps me keep my competitive edge during the off-season. Thinking on the [golf] course also helps me on the football field.

Romo is scheduled to play in the Pebble Beach Pro-Am which starts on Thursday. He’s paired with friend and Cowboys fan John Daly** for the second year in a row. Last year they missed the cut after shooting 65-70-78. Maybe they’ll have a better chance if they wear matching pants. Don’t bother coming if you’re not gonna come with the thunder, playboy.

The Super Bowl isn’t an easy subject for obvious reasons. The Cowboys were hoping to be the first team to play in their hometown. It’s a bitter pill to swallow when you’re forced to watch other teams play in your stadium. It probably tastes like burning.

“I’m sorry to not be playing. No, actually it hurts…”

Unfortunately Romo wasn’t as open when it came to his Super Bowl prediction. At first, he thought we were asking him about how good it was for Dallas to host the Super Bowl but we weren’t interested in that. All we wanted to know was who he thought was going to win the game.

They’re both great teams. It’s the toughest game in the playoffs [so far]. I think it’ll come down to the last possession. Whoever has the ball last will probably win the game.

The Packers did have the ball last but the game wasn’t decided by Aaron Rodgers taking a knee unless we missed something. At least he’s still better at predicting games than Pele.

Romo was born in San Diego but spent his formative years in Wisconsin where he was a four-sport athlete. Did that factor into who he wanted to win the game or did it not matter?

When you play in the NFL, you don’t pull for other teams. You just want to win.

He admitted the answer might be different if a division rival were playing. The Giants or Eagles playing in Cowboys Stadium would have to hurt a little more. The Redskins aren’t even an issue unless Jeff George comes out of retirement. Wait, you don’t win games by falling over in the pocket without anyone touching you. Dan Snyder lawsuit in 5…4…3…

The transition from Wade Phillips to Jason Garrett came up in the course of discussing how last season ended and the prospects for 2011. We wanted to know the differences between the two and how their coaching styles differed. Didn’t get much there. “Wade was different than Bill [Parcells]“.

Garrett “has a good understanding of the team and how to play the game”. Does that mean Phillips didn’t? We’re going to assume so for the sake of controversy but Romo was towing the company line. Apparently he didn’t learn how to throw people under the bus from T.O.

Speaking of the former Cowboys receiver, it was time to try some word association. Maybe we’d have some better luck. Romo was up for it but maybe he was because he wasn’t going to give anything up. We asked him to tell us the first thing that came to mind when we gave him a name.

Wade Phillips.
Great coach.

Jerry Jones.
Great owner.

T.O.
Great receiver.

Brett Favre situation.
(Silence) Great quarterback

Keepin’ it tight, I see… Come on, give us something. You know you want to say something else.
(Silence) Great quarterback.

Lesson learned. We should have pulled a page from The Dan LeBatard Show with Stugotz playbook and played “Douche or No Douche“. No way around that game, Romo. Many have tried but eventually they all fall in line. Just ask Mean Joe Greene.

Romo discussed his relationship with Starter. He, along with Ludacris, unveiled a multi-purpose sports field renovated by Starter. It’ll be used by underprivileged kids from several different schools in the Dallas area. The field was previously only used for practice due to its condition but now games can be held.

I have a good partnership with Starter. They’ve been so generous especially [renovating] this field in Pleasant Grove for underprivileged kids. It’ll serve five middle and high schools. It’ll keep them out of trouble and [give them a chance] to prove themselves.

There was no way we were going to talk about Starter without asking Romo about old school Starter jackets. He laughed and said, “Oh yeah those were great but I don’t really keep those anymore”.

Bet he wished he kept some Starter jackets when the NFL was making players wearing pink for breast cancer awareness. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. The good thing is that anyone rocking one of them now doesn’t have to worry about getting shot for it and their Air Jordans like back in the day.

We couldn’t leave without asking Romo for his opinion on sports blogs and whether he reads them.

I don’t really read them. There’s too much going on… Anyway they (not saying you) don’t really know what’s going on especially off the field.

The save’s not necessary, Tony. We have thick skins and sometimes blogs know more than people think about what’s happening on and off the field. Obviously Bleacher Report is excluded from the blogs in the know. They’re too busy calling Mike Tomlin an affirmative action success story. Par for the course.

There was way more we wanted to cover such as his future in the game and struggles to get over the playoff hump. We weren’t going to ask him anything about Jessica Simpson or Carrie Underwood so you’ll have to save your “sexual napalm” questions for the next time you run into him.

** John Daly is the unofficial golfer of the Deuce. Man, we’re here for you. Your boy gave the Deuce some time and it didn’t kill him. Give us the interview, Daly!

Germans like to make a joke about why the Dutch hate them so much. “Every time we invade France, we have to go through them.” Ah a little Nazi humor. One would think the Jets would have a little humility considering that’s how the Patriots did them on Monday Night Football earlier this season. Last time it was 45-3. They beat the Colts last weekend thanks in part to bad decision making on Jim Caldwell’s part and they’re still talking shit.

Antonio Cromartie, who’s best known for being unable to name all his kids in a minute and having the Jets pay his back child support, had some words for Tom Brady.

Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie, taking the baton from Rex Ryan, who criticized Tom Brady’s post-touchdown “antics” earlier this week, ripped into the Patriots quarterback in a profanity-laced rant Tuesday, calling him an “asshole,” and claiming he hates him.

…Cromartie, in his first year with the Jets after four years with the Chargers, backed up Ryan Tuesday when he was asked by the Daily News if he’s ever seen Brady pointing after the Patriots score.

“We see that a lot. He does it a lot,” Cromartie said. “That’s the kind of guy he is. We really don’t give a damn, to tell you the truth.”

Okay, what kind of guy is Brady?

“An asshole.

“Fuck him.”

Well then. Expect a 56-3 win for the Patriots this time.