Don’t believe him? Ask the Rolex-wearing Pope. Apparently Cantona gave it to him like an altar boy. Payback’s a bitch, your eminence.

You might remember Manchester United’s Eric “Ooh Aah” Cantona from such incidents as the infamous kung fu kick where he rushed into the crowd and dropkicked a Crystal Palace supporter in 1995.

Well 10 years later, people including two Dieters posing as journalists hadn’t forgiven Cantona for his actions. Let’s say he didn’t take it too well.

Sidney Crosby came back to the Pittsburgh Penguins last night, in a big way. Sidney scored 2 goals and had 2 assists in his first game back from two concussions sustained last season while routing the Islanders 5-0. While I am no fan of the Penguins, having Crosby back playing hockey is a good thing for the NHL as a whole. The guy is just electric, he is a star. If the NHL is going to attempt to absorb some NBA fans that are giving up on basketball during the lockout then this guy needs to be on the ice. Check out all four of his points here, including his first two goals in over a year:

Crystal Guy[publicist] says Ceballos, a former NBA All-Star, was scheduled to undergo surgery in Phoenix.

***

The 42-year-old Ceballos issued a statement saying how fortunate he was to have decided to have his symptoms checked out at a hospital Sunday. Ceballos thanked all who called in support but the family asked for privacy at this time.

How baller is Cedric Ceballos?  This is a man that just “decided” to go get himself “checked out” after SURVIVING multiple heart attacks. No AMBER LAMPS for him. That is the definition of ballerhood right there, (well that and congestive heart disease probably, but i digress). I’d like to see some wannabe sucka ballers do that! You youngins might not remember how badass Ceballos was…luckily, I am here to remind you.

Did you know that Cedric Ceballos once dropped 50 points in a game?  He did.  PROOF:

Dude’s got mad smooth flow.  Much props to you Mr. Ceballos, the Deuce wishes you a speedy recovery.

Chan Gailey and Tom Coughlin were so stunned by their players lack of performances this week that they offered no excuses for their play. In fact, they pretty much threw them under the bus after the game. Here’s Coughlin first after his Giants dramatic loss to the Vince Young led Philadelphia Eagles :

“My question to them was, ‘Why?’ What did it take to understand what the Eagles were going to be like coming in here? You didn’t have to be a rocket scientist to know that team is 3-6, back to the wall, they’re going to play their butts off. To get where we want to go, we’re going to have to play harder. And better. And we didn’t.”

I mean, isn’t part of being a good coach, at any level, finding ways to get through to your players so they can understand and execute the game plan?  To coach them in such a way that they maximize their talents? Seems to me that Coughlin is kinda passing the buck on this one a bit.  Sure his team played like crap and yes they do share in the blame, but they SHARE in the blame. Maybe Coughlin should’ve found some way to actually get through to his players, surely throwing them all under the bus is not it. For that matter, neither is admitting you couldn’t get your players to play like you want, you know, like a coach is supposed to do.

How about Chan Gailey, head coach of the Buffalo Bills whose once high flying team has lost 3 straight including yesterday’s horrocious 35-8 loss to Miami:

“I wish I could give you an explanation,” said coach Chan Gailey. “I cannot give you an explanation of how we played effectively early in the year and we’re not playing effectively now. We lost that one as a team. Every phases had problems, real problems.

“We’re  not very good right now,” Gailey said. “That’s the bottom line. We’re not. If I knew exactly what the problem was, I’d solve it. It’ s obviously not one thing. It’s things that mounted up on us, and we’re not able to execute the way we were earlier in the year and the way we’re capable of.”

Chan Gailey just admitted to the world he has no idea what is happening with his own team. He has no idea why the team is losing games and he cannot stop the losing because of it. That is your fearless leader Bills players. This man just admitted 1) his team is bad; and 2) he’s not sure why. That is confidence inspiring head coaching there people. His stationary should Chan Gailey, LEADER OF MEN.

Both Gailey and Coughlin should be fired at the end of the year just for statements like these. Their job is to lead and these are hardly the statements of leaders.

I find it disturbing that this trend of making horrible music videos died at some point in the late 90s and 2000s.  I feel like a piece of me died with that trend.  Watch and enjoy ya hear?

And with that, fans were given their first glimpse into the new UFC. A scrubbed, more corporate UFC. At the risk of sounding like another loser “internets” writer bitching about the “sell outs” from his mom’s basement (I live in the garage, asshole!) I just couldn’t shake the feeling Saturday night that the UFC I once knew is no longer.

Sigh. The mere thought of it is just enough to send me reaching for the Drano, for you see, the progression, or regression, began years ago, and has only accelerated since then. I was just in denial and refused to accept it, like when my kids were born.

Hardcore fans of the sport fondly recall the early days of Royce Gracie, Mark Coleman, Bas Rutten, and Kevin Randleman; or the wars of Ken Shamrock and Dan Severn. It’s hard to argue that the Tito Ortiz/Ken Shamrock fights, although lackluster in delivery, didn’t bring the sport over the top. Those fights, and the Liddell/Couture fights brought the “big fight” atmosphere to UFC that they needed. The infusion of bigger, stronger athletes, that enhanced the competitiveness of the heavyweight division; along with international stars like Anderson Silva and Lyoto Machida, helped, too.

But there was always something “backyard wrestlingy” about UFC that hardcore fans could hold onto and take comfort in, even as the walls started to crumble. The Mickey’s commercials and logo peppered throughout UFC broadcasts; but eventually that became Bud Light. The off-color interviews, even in mainstream media, from guys like Brock Lesnar, Rampage Jackson, and others helped. Holding events in places like Hollywood, FL, with “stars” like Jenna Jameson, and the Undertaker, at ringside. Even having Joe Rogan and Bruce Buffer (Michael Buffer’s real-life half-brother) as the voices of UFC seemed slightly bush league; and we loved it. Hell, for a little while I thought we had even reached a happy medium; for the hardcore fans we had fighters like Randy Couture, Rich Franklin, Chuck Liddell, Rampage Jackson, and Anderson Silva. For the newer fans, there were guys like Brock Lesnar, GSP, Ryan Bader, and others.

As those guys aged and started to retire a new breed of UFC fighter was emerging and honestly, it’s been tough to watch. Now we are treated to features in the New York Times on Georges St. Pierre, a fighter who is fundamentally flawless but will almost never win a fight by K.O. or even draw blood against his opponents. In short, he wins too pretty. The Ultimate Fighter reality show has treated us to fighters like Rashad Evans, and Michael Bisping, is churning out guys who look and act like MTV Real World cast-aways.

The edge is gone, and the move to FOX has made me realize and, more importantly, accept that. It doesn’t matter that I love FX Network (if they added like 2 hours of hardcore porn to their programming they would be the perfect network). Even UFC’s television how was slightly off. After finally settling on Spike after being the The Nashville Network, and TNN, Spike decided to be the edgy male-audience network.

UFC became it’s flagship programming. Turn on Spike on any given night and you can be treated to “UFC Unleashed” episodes, chopped up fights from recent UFC fights that educate viewers about the fighters and their fight history. Before bigger fights, UFC was producing training shows that showcased both fighters, showing their training, and doing confessional interviews that also revealed a great deal about each fighter. The production for these behind-the-scenes training promos were spectacular; often showing the grueling sessions and all-consuming training camps that fighters immerse themselves in in order to prepare for a fight. I didn’t mind that the interviews, and answers, were becoming more canned, more predictable. Even the trash talking was becoming less pronounced, less bombastic. Fighters were prefacing their remarks with praise, and occasionally false idolatry of their opponents.

It’s all part of the plan to sell to the mainstream American, the American who wants athletes that clean up nice, pose for pictures, and boxes of Wheaties, and may even tell your son, or daughter to say their prayers and eat their vitamins.

The last step in the transformation may have been the move to network television. Spike doesn’t offer nearly as many viewers, and thus advertisement dollars, as FOX. Regardless of that, UFC is Spike, it’s inextricably assocated with the network like the NFL on CBS or MLB on TBS. Boxing never left HBO and SHOWTIME and viewers can still find those networks, and just buy the pay-per-views when there’s a fight that they want to cover. The sport has been ravaged by MMA but its home on premium cable, in my eyes, enhanced, rather then detracted from, it’s appeal. It made it feel more exclusive, a more intimate spectacle.

But that’s not the goal here. It never was.

The thing that Dana White desperately wants is mainstream respect and credibility. He looks at similar-entertainment/sport figures like Don King, or Vince McMahon and each is revered and then reviled often in the same breath. Saturday we gazed upon the next step in the transmogrification of our beloved UFC and the best thing I could say about that night was that Spike aired a “UFC Unleashed” marathon that I could turn to before and after the fight to get my fix.

I shudder to think about the near future when that might not be an option. How soon until Bellator starts on Spike?

Well, somebody slap a powdered wig on Dana White’s bald head and then put a quill pen into his nongrappling hand because the UFC has filed suit against the state of New York seeking access to the mecca of fight markets.

Work to guard and then sink in a gulliotine, FOX Sports:

Zuffa LLC, which owns the UFC, filed a lawsuit in US district court against New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman and Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance Jr. seeking a declaration that the ban violates the First Amendment.

Spokesmen for Schneiderman and Vance declined to comment.

The company was joined in the lawsuit by fans and a group of mixed martial arts fighters, who “have suffered, and will continue to suffer, irreparable harm” under the ban.

“Live professional MMA is clearly intended and understood as public entertainment and, as such, is expressive activity protected by the First Amendment,” the lawsuit said.

Gee, I asked to nobody in particular as I read this article. “Could this perhaps have anything to do with the recent partnership between UFC and FOX, whose parent company, NEWSCorp is headquartered in Manhattan? Turns out that the answer is “yes.”

The lawsuit comes as the sport is broadening its audience. In August, Fox Broadcasting Co. and the UFC entered into a seven-year deal that includes four fights a year on broadcast television and will pay the promoter at least $100 million annually. (The first fight aired Saturday, and, according to Fox, drew 5.7 million viewers.)

UFC, which hosts its fights inside a chain-link cage dubbed “The Octagon,” holds about 27 live events each year, according to the complaint.

UFC has wanted a crack at the NYC market for years and every time they go even remotely near NYC they hold a media day in the city.

The entire 105-page complaint can be read here…I mean if you’re into reading (nerd). The UFC lawsuit has names like Gina Carano, Jon “Bones” Jones, Frankie Edgar, and Matt Hamill attached to it. Fundamentally, the UFC is claiming that their right to artistic expression is being unlawfully suppressed by the N.Y. law, and that this right is manifested in the First Amendment freedom of expression.

More traditionally, the UFC also is asserting that the Due Process Clause of the 14th Amendment is being violated; which extends federal rights to all citizens; as well as the Commerce clause located in Article IV of the U.S. Constitution. Specifically, the Commerce clause protects the right of businesses to operate in other states absent a substantial reason for restricting that business. The bar proving a “substantial” reason is historically difficult though, like getting laid in high school.

Settlement negotiations have not yet begun but there is some speculation that White will offer to settle the dispute by a winner-take-all octagon match with N.Y. Attorney General Eric Schneiderman.

Cushing should have gone full Romo and embraced the use of performance enhancing substances instead of issuing denials that would have made AC Cowlings shake his head. Bill Romanowski didn’t deny using them and anything else that would bring out the crazy. His play and antics on the field backed up his statements. Ain’t no one believe that he wasn’t on the juice. The NFL mic’ed up Cushing for the Texans game against the Browns. Watch this excerpt and see if you think he’s clean

If that’s not ‘roid rage, Blaine Gabbert is a servicable NFL QB. You can watch the full clip here. Watch Cushing’s teammates react to him. It’s as though they’re unsure how to deal with him. “Yeah dude, whatever you say. I gotta go stand over there now.” How long until he goes Michael Westbrook on an unsuspecting teammate who refuses to give him an exploding fist bump?

Sometimes I wish I didn’t live in a two bedroom condo in the city. If I had a basement rumpus room (or “Man-cave” as is the mot du présent) every empty space of it would be filled with used crap that I just bought at this ESPN Zone auction that is currently going on right here in Washington DC. You can bid on things online and the auctions start closing on November 16th but you probably have to show up here to Washington DC pick up your crap if you win it.

You absolutely must check out some of the stuff you could own from this joint. Its like you actually could finally own all the stuff that was in that kids’ house on Silver Spoons. Lets take a look at some of the more awesome stuff that could be in your basement or garage if ONLY you had the space for it.

(NOTE: All prices listed here in this blog post could very well change by the time you read this, it is an online auction after all.  These were accurate as of Sunday the 6th of Nov. when I wrote this sucker.) 

This mofo measures 20FT DEEP X 124W X 112L and the current high bid is $12.50.  $12.50!!! I mean, sure it might take up the entire 2 car garage or basement but think of the drinking games that could come out of owning this AND JUST FOR TWELVE MEASLY DOLLARS!! That is nothing. A pittance even! I can see the high score list duct taped to the side already…

Ok, so who hasn’t wanted to be just like the President of the United States of America and have a motherfracking 2 lane bowling alley in their own house? I know I have and if you have too this sucker could be yours right now if you become the next high bidder at the low low price of $120. I mean, I would pay more than double that just to feel like the President for a little bit.  I really should work for this auction house.

(NOTE: CHIMPANZEE RAGE DOES NOT WORK FOR THIS AUCTION HOUSE NOR IS ANYONE FROM DEUCE OF DAVENPORT AFFILIATED WITH ESPN, ESPN ZONE, THE AUCTION HOUSE OR BOWLING…ESPECIALLY NOT BOWLING…WE ALL REALLY SUCK AT BOWLING.)

I dunno if you’ve ever played Hydro Thunder but this is one fantastic racing game. See, you’re the driver of some sorta hydrofoil boat of sorts and you get to race other riders on the water while navigating all sorts of fun obstacles and jumps. It really can be endless amounts of fun if you didn’t have to keep feeding that greedy bitch of a coin slot to keep the fun going.  But see, if you bought all four of these you could play to…INFINITY! This game is severely underrated in my mind and that fact is obvious when you look at where the auction currently is for each one of the 4 games. Here’s where we are at with them all $30, $55, $25 and $1.35. Yes, right now you would be the high bidder for this awesome game for just $1.35 or you could own them all for less than $200. WHATTABAHHGIN! If someone does purchase a couple of these machines, please remember to invite me over. I’ll bring chips and dip. It’l be a party.

Old hotness = skateboarding outside.  New hotness = skateboarding inside. Who needs to propel themselves manually and occasionally fall down like a sucker when you can get all the fun of skateboarding with all the safety that handrails provide without any of the actual tiring physical exertion or pain?? Right now, these both can be yours for 14 cents. You read that right.

Um, what are these two doing here and why is this picture going for more money than 3 Hydro Thunder machines combined??

Ok…a little creepy.

This appears to be a restroom waste receptacle. EW. I mean, it could be yours if you want it but…EWWWWWW. Look at the bottom of that thing.  Its been rusted!  One can only hope clean sparkling water from the Swiss Alps rusted it and not dirty pee water…but we all really know it was dirty pee water. Somehow there’s no bids yet. SHOCKING.

Alright, I could go on with this for a long long time so I will wrap this up on a high note. This could be the greatest item for sale in this entire restaurant and right now it can be yours for just $1.10:

HELLS YEA!

H/T to DC Urban Turf

Anytime a MLB team gets put up for sale, ”media reports” link Cubes to the deal. First, it was the Pirates. Then the Cubs. Then the Rangers. Now, the Dodgers. As Cuban told some crappy off-shoot of ESPN:

“It all comes down to price… It’s important to have more than enough money to pay players and invest in the organization.”

At this point, one might think Bud would finally take pity on the guy, right? After all, if Cuban can transform the Dallas Mavericks from basement dwellers to regular playoff contenders to world champions, surely he deserves a shot at saving one of baseball’s greatest franchises?

Well, as my aunt used to say, “Dream on Alice, it’s a long way to Wonderland.”

Cuban, for all his success, is a loose cannon. Major League Baseball, much like THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE™, is not very quick to implement change or accept being held in derision. Their ownership is anything but progressive. Cuban is the exact opposite. This scares Bud. To wit:

On Cuban possibly buying the Cubs, according to MLB sources:

“There’s no way Bud and the owners are going to let that happen, zero chance.”

When Cuban sought ownership of the Rangers, the incumbent administration (read: MLB-backed bid) repeatedly lobbied to throw out Cuban’s bid, going as far to suggest if Cuban’s group won the auction for the team, there was only a “50-50 chance” MLB would approve the deal; thereby sending the asset back to bankruptcy court (and royally pissing off the team’s creditors). According to ESPN’s Jayson Stark, there would have been “significant opposition” to Cuban controlling the franchise.

Throughout these trials and tribulations, Cuban has said all the right things. He’s professed a willingness to step aside and allow baseball people to run the show. He’s intimated he’d be willing to spend the money necessary to field a competitive team.  As someone who cares about the “sanctity” of the game as much as anyone, I think he’d be an excellent addition — his commitment to winning and innovation would be more than welcome in a sport that is still afraid of instant replay.

Unfortunately, from field to front office, baseball is a game that moves incredibly slow, even more so when there’s money involved (which makes even more sense to bring in Cuban, a self-made billionaire). Allowing Cuban to own one of baseball’s crown jewels is a long shot at best, even at any price.