No one wants anything to do with Jessica Simpson besides Tony Romo. Tiger Woods is attempting a comeback after being out of the game for a minute. The last thing he wants or needs is the aura of fail anywhere near him. Maybe that’s why he told Simpson to step when she asked for golfing lessons.

Simpson is apparently taking up the game to get closer to her man. Woods gave her the excuse of having to take care of his new baby. He was later seen hitting his left leg with a 7 iron and repeating that it wasn’t worth it. Rumor has it she’s now looking to have Happy Gilmore learn her a couple things about the golf but she’s having trouble finding him.

The Chicago White Sox are throwing an inauguration party for President-Elect Barry Obama but it’s not open to the public and if you aren’t wearing a White Sox hat, don’t bother showing up. You’ll get no change and like it.

Poor Ronaldo. Manchester United is stuck in 8th place in the league and he can’t get no play from the girls for free anymore. What’s worse for him is that he can’t get them because they think he’s gay.

The chicken tikka colored midfielder struck out with a Colombian telenovela star after she resisted his trademark wink move. Maybe someone should tell him that Sarah Palin cold stole his move with about the same effect.

She told me: He was really red, like he had been laying out in the sun too long, and kept putting oil on himself all the time.

He was wearing these tiny little swimming pants. The way he was preening himself was hilarious.

I had absolutely no idea who he was — and we were all convinced he was gay.

He winked at me and tried to chat me up but I don’t speak English well.

So I just said ‘Sorry’ and walked away.

Ronaldo should just stick with his high pro ho. Either that or embrace his new identity.

Game on, playboy.