It’s official this time. Hollywood really is out of ideas. Will Smith’s kid is starring in a remake of the Karate Kid and now Ridley Scott is directing a movie based on Monopoly. Yes, we’re talking about the board game.
Ridley Scott is officially attached to direct the Hasbro-Universal collaboration, with an eye toward giving it a futuristic sheen along the lines of his iconic “Blade Runner.” Screenwriter Pamela Pettler (“Corpse Bride,” “Monster House”) will shape a narrative out of the iconic real estate game.
This has to be a joke. What story could come out of this board game that would be worth watching for two hours? Now if we’re talking about The Revenge of Uno: Draw Two, I would be interested. Very interested. Apparently the Wild Card scene is amazing. Joe Penny takes over that scene and makes it his. We’re talking borderline NC-17 material shot Zapruder-style. The England Dan and John Ford Coley soundtrack is the shit.
If Hollywood is going to start using board games for inspiration, why not go with Hungry Hungry Hippos? One could go with CGI hippos but why not use real people? Why not use hungry hungry humans like Zack Randolph and Eddy Curry? Add former NBA legends like Charles Barkley, John “Hot Plate” Williams and Oliver Miller and boom. NBA crossover potential. Make it futuristic like Blade Runner or The Running Man. A cross between the board game and Tron. Who cares? It doesn’t matter what it’s about as long as they’re fighting over food for our entertainment.
This is just painful to watch. A former Premier League and Championship player looking to start his retirement in sunny California by playing in the MLS and a clueless buffoon of a sportscaster combine to make one of the most awkward interviews in some time. Here’s a lesson for all you aspiring newscasters out there. If you have no idea what you’re talking about, it’s best to drop the bombast. We don’t need another off-brand Willard Scott.
English legend? Greatest goal ever against Manchester? According to the internet, Gary Radnich is a fucking moron. If there’s anyone deserving of a throat slap today, it’s this assclown. To his credit, Gary does play the stupid American very well. Boom goes the dynamite.
It was only a year and a half ago that a collective scream of horror rose from thousands of bars and homes at the end of the 2007 Fiesta Bowl. It wasn’t a scream of excitement over the amazing game. It was a scream of horror as Boise State running back Ian Johnson proposed to his girlfriend immediately after the win.
“What the hell are you doing?? Think about what you’re doing!! Your stock’s never going to be higher!! You idiot!!”
The proposal was only topped by Chris Myers’ efforts to ruin the surprise. You may have agreed or disagreed with the timing of Johnson’s proposal but there’s no question it was strong. France manager Raymond Domenech got the wrong idea.
“I have only one plan at the moment, it is to marry Estelle, ” Domenech said when asked about whether he felt he had a future as France coach.
“And it is only this evening that I ask for her hand in marriage.
“I know it is difficult, but it is in moments like these that one has need of everyone, and I need her. “
Now that’s a winning proposal. “Hey baby, my name is Raymond Domenech and I just oversaw the rape of France by the Netherlands, Italy AND Romania. I’m about to lose my job and move back in with my parents. So you wanna make this forever or what?” It worked for George Costanza so it should work for Domenech. Right? Right? … Hello?
Finally. It took Dwyane Wade long enough but he finally came out and spoke about the nature of his association with Star Jones. Leave it to Kenny Smith and Charles Barkley to ask the important questions. Hopefully George Stephanopoulos was taking notes.
Wade claimed that he and Jones are just “good friends”
“Star is an unbelievable woman. We have a great, great relationship. As friends.”
Sir Charles also referred to Jones as a cougar who is “praying on a young Dwayne Wade”. Sir I know cougars and Star Jones is no cougar.
Wade needs to put an end to this. Charles needs to take him out of his Fave 5 until he gets his head straight. Would this have happened if Shaq were still on the Heat? Probably not because he would have been rightly shamed into submission. Wait until Star starts demanding front row, all you can eat seats during Heat games next season. She’ll scream for Hebrew National and Sbarro sponsorships, a staple will pop and game over. They’ll be wheeling her out in Dwyane’s wheelchair.
Has a picture ever said so much? More than likely but this is spot on. I would have posted something on Chelsea yesterday but I just didn’t have it in me. Chelsea could still win the league but it would take a Chelsea win and a Manchester United loss followed by a Chelsea win over Man U. That’s it.
As crazy as it sounds, I’m not sure how much Chelsea winning the Champions League would salvage the season in my mind. Losses to Spurs and Barnsley were painful enough. Another loss to Liverpool would hurt but a season without silverware would hopefully mean Avram Grant would move upstairs. However there’s no guarantee of that happening. A CL win means a better chance of him staying. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
I don’t want to root against my team and I won’t yet I fear what victory means. Of course I want Chelsea to win the Champions League. However Grant blundering into victory could be costly. He’s shown time and time again that he has the combined tactical awareness of Paul Bremer and Rich Kotite. After being screwed out of United match tickets and still not receiving my supporters club package, I deserve something. Give me Big Cup glory and a new manager. Is that so hard?
