Brazil may go Great White when it comes to fires up in the club but they’re prepared when it comes to stadium seating.

The 2014 World Cup is around the corner and Brazil is rushing to get ready for the hordes of fans that will descend on the Rainbow Nation next summer. They’re tearing down favelas, banishing homeless people from city centers, converting sex motels into tourist traps and installing oversized stadium seating for the expected English invasion.

Double-sized seats are being installed at several stadiums for overweight World Cup fans. They’ll be able to accomodate people weighing up to 560 pounds. They’ll have to pay double the normal seat price but at least they’ll be able to avoid confrontations with ushers. This means Kevin Smith won’t have to rant after getting tossed from the stadium for not sitting down. Eat all the pão de queijo you want and hit up the comida por quilo 20 times, my friend. Brazil’s got your back and ass.

Restaurant recommendation: If you live in New York and want to start stuffing yourself now before heading down to Brazil, check out Miss Favela on S. 5th St. in Williamsburg for some great food and music. If you’re not careful, you may end up with a bottle of cachaça on the house.

Ah the good old urine free days.

Do I come to your job and throw bottles of urine at you? I do if I’m a Nigerian soccer fan and your name is Jon Obi Mikel. The Chelsea midfielder got more than he bargained for when he watched the Eagles take on Kenya in a World Cup qualifier from the comfort of a VIP box.

Mikel and Everton defender Joseph Yobo missed two European friendlies after claiming they weren’t able to get visas to play in France and Ireland. Nigerian fans didn’t buy their flimsy excuses and showed their disapproval by throwing plastic bottles of urine at Mikel during the Kenya match. Yobo sat next to Mikel but there are no reports of him being hit by the piss missiles.

In a page taken from the Uday Hussein handbook of how to motivate athletes, the Chinese National soccer team has made an oath to qualify for the World Cup or die. The players said to their country on Tuesday:

“I pledge to advance to the World Cup, which is the professional goal that we strive for. We swear by death to kill along the bloody road of defending the honour of the motherland and realise our youthful dreams.”

As added incentive, the China Football Association will pay the team eight million yuan (1.09 million dollars) if they qualified for the World Cup.

If China actually does qualify, thus saving the lives of its team members, it would be only the second time they have advanced to the World Cup, the first being in 2002 where they failed to get a point or even score a goal in their first round exit.

I wonder what FIFA has to say about this? Is this the standard for all other teams to follow, mass suicide or murder of entire teams that fail to meet their goals? The Deuce, for one, is intrigued by their passion and will be rooting for Australia, Iraq, or Qatar to knock the shit out of them in the qualifying rounds to see if they will actually follow through with their pledge. Yes, we’re sick, we know, but damn do we love drama.

From Yahoo Sports
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