In case there was any doubt, being a pro football player is your Get Out of Jail Free Card in Wisconsin. Mark Chmura should have confirmed that to any nonbelievers.
The Wisconsin State Senate with backing from the Radisson Paper Valley Hotel in Appleton is pushing a bill that would allow vehicle processions to proceed through red lights. The bill is specifically aimed at getting visiting football teams to Lambeau Field faster. The hotel wants the bill so teams will continue staying in Appleton instead of a location closer to the stadium. What’s next? Tight ends getting jus primae noctis with the prom date of their choosing in a hot tub? Oh wait…
We kid! Remember the good old days??
Pulling off the greatest spike of all time in a hot tub must have been hard work.
Brett Favre stories are like Bebe’s kids. They don’t die, they multiply. Every time they seem to fade away, they come back thanks to someone in Minnesota called Unnamed Source. When I find Unnamed Source, I’ll make sure he never spreads any rumors again. Until then, we aren’t going to entertain any stories about potential comebacks, Mississippi practices or any other Favre-related bullshit. However, we will indulge anything that mocks him or discusses any dirt he and Mark Chmura did while in Green Bay. Let the mocking begin.
Wisconsin governor Jim Doyle began the public mocking of Favre by using his name as a punch line while announcing his decision to not run for a third term. Doyle, unlike Sarah Palin, will honor his commitment and finish out his term which ends in January 2011. He explained that he didn’t believe governors should serve more than two terms.
“I know I will regret this decision many times over the next year, but I’m not going to pull a Brett Favre on you,” he said.
It’s funny because it’s true. Pulling a Brett Favre can and should be applied to everyday situations. Try it out the next time you keep saying you’re going to leave the bar after you finish your drink but keep ordering another one. Apply it to the hookup you say you’re going to quit but find yourself balls deep in every time you have one too many roofie coladas like Sebastian Janikowski. Everyone knows that person who pulls the Brett Favre all the time. You can even make his name a verb. “I know I was gonna quit my job but I favred it and went back.” It’s a work in progress but it’s got some potential.
How bad do you want to eat and drink all you want while watching minor league baseball? How much would you pay? What would you eat? How about a beetle?
The Madison Mallards held Beetle Eating Night on Thursday. Fans were received free access to the all you can eat and drink area of the stadium if they ate a dead beetle. The offer was only open to the first 250 fans who took up the challenge.
Beetle Eating Night is only the tip of the iceberg. Next Saturday, fans can meet William Hung and “stick around for some intense karaoke!”. Hung is followed by the What You Talkin’ Bout Tour on August 1 when Gary Coleman shows up “‘Eighties’ Night”. The fun never stops in Madtown.
If you make it to Madison, send us a couple Plazaburgers. There’s not much like a Plazaburger with a pint of Point Amber.
** We’re not even touching that picture, you perverts.