It’s never pleasant whenever victims of heinous crimes decide to profit off their pain to increase their 15 minutes of fame. Most end up on daytime talk shows or Nancy Grace. Others appear on wine bottles. Just look at the former residents of Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennels.

Dogs rescued from the evil grasp of Michael Vick are appearing on wine bottles of the Vicktory Dogs Wine Collection.

Each bottle includes a portrait of one of the dogs on the label. On the back, instead of a description of the wine, there’s a brief story about each four-legged friend.

… Artist Cyrus Mejia, one of the founders of Best Friends, began painting the dogs after they arrived at the sanctuary. Gone in the portraits are any signs of snarling beasts fit for a fight ring. Instead, there are cocked heads, soulful eyes and floppy ears.

“I think he’s been able to capture the real personalities of each of the dogs,” said John Polis, a Best Friends [Animal Sanctuary] spokesman.

There’s a whole lot of talk about mental rehabilitation of the dogs but what good does it do to encourage unstable killing machines to start drinking? Let’s see those winning personalities after one or two bowls of wine. No good will come of this. You have been warned.

10% of each sale goes to the animal sanctuary. Matt Hahn of Carnivitas Winery which produces the wine said the goal was “to show the dogs in a positive light” and hopes it encourages people to talk about dogs and protecting animals. It’s more likely that they’ll look for more sauce or get it on doggy style after one or two bottles of the stuff.

There’s no word on whether the wines will be sold at The Tasting Room. Shouldn’t these dogs be grateful to Vick in some way? They would be nowhere without him. Just some no name dogs attacking small children, the elderly and mail carriers in somewhere in southern VA. It could have been worse. They could have belonged to Marcus Vick.

What? Now I’m the asshole? You’re probably right.

Americans like to think they’re the best at everything. We think we’re number one and everyone should just recognize and accept it. This is when reality kicks in. It’s a bitch sometimes. Europeans wipe their asses with our dollars and Australian athletes continue to run laps around Americans when it comes to drunken debauchery. We have our exceptions like our namesake, Lawrence Phillips and Eddie Griffin but they are few and far between.

Star rugby player Todd Carney is in deep shit…again. This time he’s in trouble for tearing up the club and pissing on a friend of teammate Dane Tilse during a post-match drinking marathon. He and teammate Bronx Goodwin, who assaulted two people outside the club, are in so much trouble that they may be cut by their team. They also could be prevented from joining another team by the NRL.

According to a witness at the hotel on Sunday night, Carney and Goodwin were “out of control” and “on the p… hard” before the incidents.

Tilse’s mate had come from interstate to watch the match, claimed the witness, who works at All Bar Nun. “The guy was in the toilet and Carney has just turned and [pissed] up and down his leg,” the witness said

Several other Raiders players attempted to calm the situation and apologise, but Carney and Goodwin – who allegedly harassed another patron – were removed by security from the pub about 10.30pm.

The pair apparently then went to the city centre where they attempted to gain access to Canberra Casino but were refused entry. “They were out of control,” the witness said.

Around midnight, the pair returned to the northern suburbs bar, which was closed, and were told the leave the area by security as people were waiting for taxis.

The witness said Goodwin then lashed out at another reveller who had nothing to do with the Raiders team – allegedly hitting him about five times in the face.

“The guy was hopping in the cab and he (Goodwin) smashed him. They were good hits, I felt sick in the guts, he copped a flogging,” he said. “Bronx smashed someone for no reason. Carney was being held back by a few of his sponsors.”

The sponsors were “feeding” Carney drinks and the two players became “too drunk”, the witness said. Neighbours said they heard “barking” in the street for about 20 minutes before the brawl occurred.

“It was like a real dog barking, but you could tell it was human,” a neighbour said. Carney was allegedly ejected from the same premises last weekend for “barking” at women, the witness said.

You hear that, Ray Lewis? Your bark is empty. Carney channels DMX because his bark is strong like drunken dingo.

The Daily Telegraph also notes that this incident is not the first time Carney’s gotten into it. Just last year he was involved in a police chase in Canberra. In 2006, he was arrested for drunk driving and had his license suspended for five years. Carney should come over here and try his luck in American football. He has much to offer the Bengals.