West Ham should thank Russell Brand for choosing Katy Perry to service his needs at the present time. They may be able to pull themselves out of massive debt thanks to her assets. Icelandic millionaires came in and tried to save the team but their country’s economy tanked and so did the team’s fortunes. Who knew lingerie was the answer?

Perry wore West Ham-inspired lingerie to the European MTV Awards for Brand who is a West Ham supporter. The outfit was so popular that the designer, Siobhan Dillon, will make more exclusively for West Ham and sell them for $500 a pop. Hopefully a purchase doesn’t require being forced to listen to Perry’s music. One can go to Guantanamo or Afghanistan for free if one wants to be tortured with terrible music.

It’s a good thing the Icelanders didn’t come up with the team lingerie idea first. No one wants to see Bjork with a West Ham swan around her neck. Other teams might want to consider doing the same thing although it might not work out well for them. Charlize Theron has been known to follow Chelsea. That’s good but so has Tara Reid. That’s bad. Lumpy bad. Ashley Judd follows Kentucky basketball religiously. That’s good. Penny Marshall is a die-hard Lakers fan. That’s bad. Bad in so many ways like Warren G. Alyssa Milano would just rotate her gear depending on the week, city and team. It’s a hit or miss proposition but don’t front like you wouldn’t be down if your man or woman wanted to rock your team’s gear for you.

The US government finally stepped in with an $85 billion loan to save AIG’s ass after several banks backed away like someone just hurled on the conference table. Apparently AIG is too big to fail but Lehman Brothers isn’t. Don’t worry, we’re getting to the sports.

AIG, in addition to being a clusterfuck, is also the shirt sponsor of Manchester United. Their four-year, £56.5 million sponsorship deal with Man U is the largest in English soccer. So this begs the question. What design should Man U have on their jersey now that the AIG is the US government’s bitch? The Fed Seal is always good. Fuck yeah.

I suck with the Photo Shoppin’ so pass on some ideas in the comments or send along some designs. We’ll make the best designs into t-shirts so you can show your bandwagon support for Manchester U. Go team!! De-fense!!

Too bad XL (West Ham) didn’t have a savior. Oh wait, they did. Themselves. West Ham’s owner was propping up XL but decided not to refinance the debt. As of now, they will play with no sponsor. Feel free to also pass along any thoughts on who should be West Ham’s sponsor.

“Hello boy, feeling a bit poorly? I know your team is responsible for most of the cash so I’m gonna give you one week to find it. Otherwise I will take a finger of each of you and your teammates’ hands for everyday that passes without payment. And then when you run out of digits, your dad’s bar and who knows what then. All right, my son?”

It sucks to be West Ham midfielder Matthew Etherington. He’s lucky he still has all his fingers. He has West Ham to thank for that. They were forced to give Etherington enough money to choke a dozen donkeys after he came to them for help with a gambling debt.

Etherington, a recovering gambling addict, fell prey to the neon claws of Gamblor and suffered a minor relapse. This one only cost him £800,000. However the debt wasn’t his only problem. He was forced to approach the club for a loan after receiving death threats. West Ham officials were worried enough to advance him £300,000 to pay down the debt. They might regret that after losing their sponsor XL late last week. The threats he received from his bookie were “nasty and personal” as opposed to pleasant and impersonal. The rudeness was more than he could bear.

Bono knows nothing about being a humanitarian. He may roam the halls of the UN Building and US Capitol advocating on behalf of his causes. He may make crowds chant slogans about racial and religious harmony at U2 shows and point out the Sikh kid in the crowd to show we’re all one people. He may have converted Jesse Helms but can he rumble a casino? I think not. Craig Bellamy would be happy to offer some lessons for a couple Tennants.

The West Ham striker and resident asshole began to rehab his image by opening a football academy in Freetown, Sierra Leone. That didn’t last long. Bellamy is accused of attacking a charity worker in Freetown after losing money in a casino following an all day bender.

“He was playing on a roulette table when something seemed to upset him. He was shouting and squaring up to people at the table.

“A few seconds later he jumped on one guy and started wrestling with him on the floor.

“The guy involved was an Englishman who is in Sierra Leone to help raise money for a charity that works with children orphaned by the civil war.

Bouncers eventually broke up the scuffle, dragged Bellamy out a rear exit and dumped him in the casino parking lot.

“Bellamy’s eyes were glazed over and he was in a rage. There were casino chips flying in the air and all hell broke loose. It took the local bouncers several minutes to drag Bellamy out of the club and all the time he was shouting and screaming abuse at everyone.

Bellamy has a long history of being a dick. The Sun has a rundown of his greatest hits.

FEBRUARY 2007: Bellamy attacked his then Liverpool team-mate John Arne Riise with a golf club because the Norwegian refused to take part in a karaoke contest.

NOVEMBER 2006: He was cleared of assaulting two women in a Cardiff nightclub.

MARCH 2004: The then Newcastle player brawled with assistant manager John Carver and hurled a chair at him.

JULY 2003: Bellamy was charged with racially-aggravated harassment outside a Cardiff nightclub but later acquitted.

SEPTEMBER 2002: He was found guilty by video evidence of butting an opponent while playing for Newcastle.

FEBRUARY 2002: He received a caution for hitting a woman in a nightclub.

He’s just doing it for the kids. Stay classy, Craig.

The Soulja Boy travels faster than SARS or the herpes on Paris Hilton’s crotch. It looks like it just moved ahead of mad cow in England. Guess which one Anton Ferdinand and Nigel Reo-Coker have and win a vaccine!

Wrong. It’s mad cow. You’ll get nothing and like it.