Wayne Rooney’s WAG thinks she’s a celebrity in her own right. George Clooney’s ex says the same thing. Someone needs to check these chickenheads and fast.
Wayne Rooney doesn’t takes ‘em 8 to 80 dumb, crippled and crazy like Big Daddy Kane. He takes them dumb and 80 except when it comes to ‘is Colleen. We know how he loves him some dusty granny action on the DL. Now he’s going have to work it and do his thing down the wedding aisle if his cousin has anything to say about it. Good thing he has an open mind.
Rooney is marrying his WAG Colleen in June 2008 and his tranny cousin Stephen wants to be a bridesmaid. In fact, he’s already hitting the shops in hope/anticipation of Colleen asking him to be a part of the wedding.
Friends are worried that the wedding would turn into a spectacle due to Stephen’s antics. However, they shouldn’t be so quick to judge. One friend said, “”Wayne didn’t rule Stephen out so we reckon he’s still in with a chance as a bridesmaid … and he’d do as good a job as posh friends like Victoria Beckham any day.”
If this picture is anything to go by, he’ll definitely do a better job than Rio Ferdinand.
Colleen had some “thoughts” on her impending nuptials.
“What I do know is that wherever we marry I’d like a Catholic ceremony and want to be married by a priest. I’m really looking forward to becoming Mrs Wayne Rooney!”
Yeah, Pope Benedict will be down with a drunken Scouser tranny in the wedding party. The Catholic Church’s stance against Scousers hasn’t changed since Liverpool’s founding in 1207.
Are you a money-grubbing, golddigging**, shallow chickenhead with chav tendencies? Do you like to follow your boyfriend/husband on business trips just so you can be seen and do some shopping on his dime? Do you like to starve yourself and think you can sing? Well we have the travel agency for you. Traveling Whores Ltd. will make sure you arrive in the country you can’t find on a map and make sure you get back home with all your schwag.
Spurs/England striker Jermaine Defoe’s fiancee Charlotte Meares has somehow been employed by the UK”s Commonwealth and Foreign Office to advise WAGs (Footballers’ wives and Girlfriends) and wannabe WAGs about foreign travel.
Here are some of her money shot tips after the jump:
Charlotte’s Top Travel Tips:
Know Before You Go!
- It might sound trivial but you never know when you might break a nail or your extensions turn green in the pool. To stay looking your best even if you are not taking a personal stylist with you, get a number of good local beauticians or check if the hotel has one before you go!
- Other useful numbers to take with you are that of the local consul or embassy – it could be invaluable if you lose a passport, or if a bit of wild partying gets you into trouble with the local law! Also take the number and details of your insurance company – it will save you loads of time and hassle if your luggage full of designer gear goes missing at the airport!
Insure Those Choos:
- An absolute must is travel insurance – one tumble off a bar table in your Jimmy Choos without insurance could cost you £20,000 worth of shopping money on your hospital bill! And whether you’ve got five Louis Vuitton cases full of designer gear or a beaten up bag full of Primark, you’ll want to know that if anything gets lost or stolen you will be covered.
- If you research your destination in a guide book or on the web before you go, then you arrive knowing all the best places and where you should (and shouldn’t) be seen!
- Another WAG technique for looking cool and ‘in the know’ is to arrive at your destination wearing something the locals would but with a unique twist – think Henna’d hands in India.
- Check out Fco.gov.uk for travel advice and more information about your destination and you’ll also be able to find out about local laws and customs – you don’t want to get arrested in the Caribbean for wearing a camouflage bikini (camouflage clothing is illegal!) or get arrested in Florence for drinking too close to a church.
Come Fly With Me:
- Luggage restrictions are different all the time now and change from airport to airport and carrier to carrier – research what the requirements are and plan carefully what you are taking on the plane and what is going in the hold. (Frank Lampard’s fiancée Elen Rives delayed a flight because of a dispute over the amount of hand luggage she had!)
- Remember your ‘must-have’ cosmetics for the plane (eight hour cream, lip balm, serum etc) will have to go in a clear plastic bag through security now.
Get Your Jabs – and not just the botox!
- Check out medical requirements for your destination, as you may need vaccinations to protect you from prevalent diseases.
- I take all my documents in a stylish travel wallet so everything important is all in one place, but other tips include photocopying your passport, your credit card and insurance details in case you lose them.
Safety – Take No Chances:
- It’s fun having a few drinks but watch out for any of your mates that are too drunk. Lots of girls end up in hospital after falling over and breaking something. The consequences could be even worse with guys taking advantage of women in that state.
- Try and stay in pairs or 3’s at the end of the night, even if your mate meets a hunk and yours looks like a skunk, stay together and say you’ve got a headache.
- When I went away with the girls I was so excited, I tried to cram everything in the first day, make sure you don’t ruin the rest of your holiday by staying out in the sun too much or drinking excessively in the first day or two.
Brought to you by the British government with British citizen tax pounds. Feel the Mensa.
** What? You thought we were going with Kanye? Negro please.