I don’t love Baltimore Club Music just because I was raised in The City That Bleeds (a truer take on former mayor Kurt Schmoke’s The City That Reads campaign). It speaks to my soul on a base level. You have tracks that will never die such as Doo Doo Brown by 2 Hyped Brothers and A Dog. “Doo Doo don’t sport no jheri curl juice!” Hell no, he don’t. There are also classics such as It’s Time For The Perkulator, I Jus Wanna Fuck, North Avenue, Pussy Drive You Crazy and Watch Out For The Big Girl. One of my favorites was There’s Some Hoes In This House. That track takes me back to the days when my mom would never let me go to Paradox or any of the random clubs that I probably wouldn’t have been able to enter. It also reminds me of David Beckham.
The loan of Goldenballs to AC Milan starting in January is old news by now. A small bit of news regarding his move to Milan has gone unnoticed for the most part. Signor Beckham will be living close to Milan legend and captain Paulo Maldini. Big deal you say. Point taken. He will also be a short five-minute walk from Viale Abruzzi. What’s that you ask? It’s only an “infamous red light district…famous for transvestite prostitutes, pimps and drug dealers”. Sorry, “hordes” of transvestite prostitutes.
It was thought Beckham would take a place near some famous shopping district to satisfy his wife however she won’t be joining him for his three month stint in Italy. No point in doing something silly that if she’s not going to be around. No Skeletor and no kids for three months? He’ll be home alone in Milan. He think he’ll keep things on the level but he better be careful that he doesn’t end up like our roly-poly friend Ronaldo.
Maybe Becks is trying to keep it real to lower his metro profile. Someone should tell him that it’s impossible to keep it real in Italy when you’re riding a lime green Vespa with a matching helmet and tight jeans Williamsburg hipsters would kill to own. He would have been better off joining Napoli and renting a room from a member of the Camorra. Then we’d be saying, “Oh my, he’s so gangsta!” (Lyrics NSFW)