“Why did I sign with the Nationals?” Tavárez said on Sunday. “When you go to a club at 4 in the morning, and you’re just waiting, waiting, a 600-pounder looks like J-Lo. And to me this is Jennifer Lopez right here. It’s 4 in the morning. Too much to drink. So, Nationals: Jennifer Lopez to me.”

Balester’s Decent Outing Brings No Guarantees [Washington Post]

Jamarcus Russell with Fats Domino. See that’s the idea.

My disappointment knows no bounds. JaMarcus Russell showed up to Raiders minicamp only weighing in at 269 pounds. I expected better of him. Rumors had him weighing over three bills. That’s the kind of dedication that shows me something. I wanted him so fat that he couldn’t get his fingers between the laces. I wanted to see him run out of breath walking from the huddle to the line. It would have made the Raiders ineptitude so much more fun to watch. Football is dead to me unless JaMarcus bacons up that sausage or changes his name to Jermajesty.