Talk about two people who won’t go away. In 2011 Lance Armstrong “retired” from cycling (for the second time) and Oprah finally retired from her syndicated television show. Flash forward to the beginning of 2013 and HERE THEY BOTH ARE AGAIN as Oprah is set to interview Lance Armstrong about the doping scandal which has stripped him of seven Tour de France titles and whatever else she wants to ask him because she is Oprah and ain’t nobody sayin’ no to the Oprah. Ask Stedman. That guy knows where his bread is buttered.
Anyway, the interview is set to broadcast on Oprah’s OWN channel on January 17th starting at 9pm, so, if you wanna watch, better set those DVRs if you can find that channel. If I know anything about the people that still read this sports blog, I’m assuming that you’ve all got that channel in your favorites anyway so you should be allllllll set.
Me, I think my feelings can best be summed up with this
What I’m guessing we’ll see is Oprah “breaking” Lance down a few times, making old one nut cry a bit and finally getting some sort of half confession-half justification out of him. Either that or he’ll attempt to stick to his story like Rafael Palmeiro attempted to do in front of Congress which would be HILARIOUS television.
I guess I mistakenly thought that once Oprah retired celebrities wouldn’t have an outlet to “bare their souls”, confess and get back into the good graces of the public they so desperately crave attention and validation from (besides Saturday Night Live i guess, but Lance already shot that wad in 2005 and with DISASTROUS results)? It sucks that Oprah has given Lance this hailmary chance at redemption because, quite honestly, he doesn’t really deserve it. The dude lied to everyone and their mothers, probably his own mother, about doping for decades.
Lance should just go away and Oprah should go away as well so that she can’t keep orchestrating public redemption for horrible people just for ratings on her flagging network.
This guy doesnt let testicular cancer stop him from doing anything, not even having a kid. Somehow Armstrong beat the odds that he could have a kid after ball cancer and after wearing those super constricting biking shorts all the time. This guy must have the super sperm. So Max Armstrong was born on June 4th, 2009…and from the looks of things, he’s already sticking his tongue out at the french.
The French can’t quit Lance Armstrong. Their obsession to prove he’s a drug cheat has reached Detective John Kavanaugh proportions. They haven’t shown a thirst for vengeance like this since ever. If they had showed this much determination during WWII…
The French anti-doping authority has thrown down a challenge to the seven-time Tour de France champion, proposing he agree to retesting of his 1999 urine samples to see whether a French newspaper was right when it reported they contained traces of EPO, a banned blood-boosting hormone that enhances endurance.
Authority head Pierre Bordry insists that Armstrong “prove his good faith” and put the rumors to rest by agreeing to let them retest the 1999 samples. Of course, Bordry’s not bringing up the fact that the French are the ones keeping the rumors alive.
In drug testing, urine is divided into “A” and “B” samples, and both must show traces of a banned substance for the test to be declared positive.
Only remains from six “B” samples have been kept from Armstrong’s 1999 Tour, the French agency said. So even if the “B” samples came back positive in new testing, there are no “A” samples left against which to compare results.
Armstrong responded by claiming the samples were “compromised”.
…The conclusions of the investigation were that the 1998 and 1999 Tour de France samples have not been maintained properly, have been compromised in many ways, and even three years ago could not be tested to provide any meaningful results. There is simply nothing that I can agree to that would provide any relevant evidence about 1999.”
Who knows whether Lance did or didn’t dope during his cycling career. Far be it for us to defend or crucify him without knowing the facts. However, it does seem as though the French are out to get him. They haven’t been able to prove their case despite claiming evidence of EPO in his 2005 samples. It’s simple. Put up or shut up. The same goes for Tour de France president Jean-Etienne Amaury and Greg LeMond.
** It wouldn’t be right of us to reference the R without giving it to you.
This is DZNUTS, a cream for your “junk” that was created for Tour De France cyclist Dave Zabriskie…and this ain’t no steroid stuff its all natural goodness for your goods. Here’s what Dave had to say about using proper protection when riding:
“Proper mainTAINTanance of the perineal area is essential during high level training and racing. Nothing can ruin stage race success faster than an infected saddle sore.”
That emphasis was his not ours. Just the thought of an infected saddle sore makes me whince in agony. I’m thinking Kaz Matsui could’ve used some of this before his problem became a PROBLEM or maybe not, I’ve never had the anal fissures myself, but really, could it have hurt? Protect your junk…use DZNUTS!
Here in the good ole U.S. of A. we like to create our own, bastard versions, of sports. Let us add the bike race to the list. Up at the Massachusetts Bicycle Coalition’s annual biking festival, held in Concord, Massachusetts, you can now participate in a bike race AND a pie eating contest all in one. Thats right, its a pie race.
What the deal is, the race is a 6 1/2 mile race with 3 pie eating stations placed along the race route. When you reach a “pie stop”, you must eat a slice of pie before you can move on, there can be no pie left on the plate or in your mouth. Obviously the faster you eat the pie, the better you will do in a race, so now bike racing is not a battle of endurance and dehydration, no its also a test of intestinal fortitude.
For any of our Massachusettes readers, there is still time to register. The race is on August 25th, register by heading to their site here.
Bike racing, it is now as American as apple pie. Personally, I think they should’ve made the riders eat a whole pie, just so i can see someone spew like Davey “Lardass” Hogan (see video).
