Old and busted: Shark tank with grotto in your backyard.
New hotness: Four story indoor fish tank in your house.

Remember when Michael Jordan told Magic Johnson and Larry Bird that their time was up? Here’s the fish tank version of that story. Thierry Henry is demolishing his $9.3 million house to build a larger one in its place. Is everyone taking their cues from Elin Woods these days? The newly reconstructed house is estimated to be worth $15.7 million upon completion. It will have all the usual amenities one would expect from an abode at that price. However the crown jewel will be an indoor, four story fish tank.

It will cost Henry almost $20,000 just to maintain the tank. He’d be better off hiring Manuel Almunia to be his tank boy while he’s in the US playing for the Red Bulls.

Resident jackass and Aston Villa midfielder Stephen Ireland has a smaller tank but he’s still keeping the dream alive of building a shark tank under his kitchen floor. Both of these pools should belong to super villains. What better than to crush your enemies, see them driven before you, hear the lamentations of the women and see them floating lifeless in your home? No better lesson to visitors of what will happen if they cross you. It’s probably safe to say Roman Abramovich has something like that on his yacht.

If you’re not familiar with Vice Magazine’s Do’s and Don’ts, you’re missing out. Here’s an example along with Vice’s caption.

“You realize people who aren’t into soccer see a black man on your back with two cannons pointing at his head, right?”

Cheating’s in the air. Can you feel it? Thierry Henry sure can. The Deuce brought you the story of Jose Mourinho getting busted for having an affair. Now it’s up to three. Now we bring you Thierry Henry’s drama courtesy of the Sun.

Henry had an affair with a makeup artist during a commercial shoot and the discovery of text messages led to a divorce and possibly his transfer from Arsenal to Barcelona.

His wife Claire discovered the text messages on his phone and confronted him. Shortly after, he moved out and took off to Spain after a quickie divorce. Now she wants half like Raw.

She is now demanding a £10million divorce settlement, and divorce experts have predicted that a judge will order a “clean break” – with Claire receiving a lump sum payment rather than a proportion of Henry’s future earnings.

It is expected that Claire will be entitled to a large part of superstar Henry’s wealth [estimated at £25million]. And with the revelation that Arsenal’s record goalscorer may have been playing away, she will probably be set up for life.

Henry has retained Heather Mills’ lawyer while his ex Claire has retained Paul McCartney’s lawyer. No way this gets messy…

I could be wrong but ain’t no way that ass is worth £10million.

Link: Courtesy of my Detroit/Paris connection Glendon @ Football Roundtable

Happy because he’s going to Barca or he’s rid of the ol’ ball and chain?

It doesn’t matter if you’re an Arsenal fan or you think Arsene Wenger’s a fuckin’ pedophile (as the song goes). You can’t question the skill and ability of Thierry Henry. When it came to finishing, Arsenal were useless without him. Deadly accurate in front of the goal and whiny away from it, he will be missed (by Arsenal fans).

It appears that Henry or Titi as he’s known to the Arsenal faithful is a clinical finisher off the field as well. He decided his marriage was finished and walked out on his wife Claire and two-year old daughter on his way to Barcelona. News of the World reports that Claire found messages and pictures on his cell and that led to a fight which precipitated the breakup.

Friends said the declining relationship was also one of the reasons he left Arsenal. Of course this could be garbage as News of the World like all British tabloids is as reliable as Joe Isuzu or the Bush administration but my hatred for Arsenal makes me believe that the story is true.

In his defense, Titi did call her three days later to see if she was ok. He’s like school on a Saturday.