Your mind’s not playing tricks on you. This post’s title is similar to the previous one. We just can’t be bothered to try this afternoon. We also don’t have some crazy wife waiting at home to stab us because we got lazy while blogging. Too bad the same can’t be said for a Malaysian man who’s in the hospital thanks to his wife and a kitchen knife.

The unidentified man was stabbed twice in the chest by his wife after coming home late from watching Manchester United play the Malaysian national team. He promised to come home immediately after the game but didn’t show up until after midnight. In his wife’s defense, she did take him to the hospital after stabbing him. Police are still deciding whether to file charges against her. That’s some mighty fine police work, Lou.

Photo: Idiot Press

Somehow, this is apparently not photoshopped. That is a freaking 9 foot long, 193lbs catfish that was caught by a 4’10″, 84lb, 14 year old girl. It only took her 20 minutes to real the monster in. Insanity. Its like a real life General Sherman

From Daily Mail UK

The window to weight gain is closing fast on the original Ronaldo now forever known as Fat Ronaldo. He’s determined to play for Brazil again and regrets the weight gain that would have made Homer proud.

It’s bad enough that another younger, better looking player takes your place but also taking your name? That’s some straight up cold shit.

Brazilian striker Ronaldo put on so much weight while he was injured this year that he was running out of clothes that fit him, he said on Tuesday.

“I couldn’t have got any fatter, I was running out of clothes,” Ronaldo said in an interview with the Sportv cable television station.

The former world great has been rehabbing with Flamengo and getting back in fighting shape. That’s bullshit. He was well on his way to Diego Maradona proportions before this ridiculous rehab/weight loss program.

Doesn’t he realize he could have gotten disability in addition to whatever payments he would have received from AC Milan and insurance? Now he has to fight his way back into national team contention with some half-ass team like Manchester City or Livorno. Maybe Mallorca would take him. Just keep him away from the buttered bull balls and buttermilk paella.

“Hello boy, feeling a bit poorly? I know your team is responsible for most of the cash so I’m gonna give you one week to find it. Otherwise I will take a finger of each of you and your teammates’ hands for everyday that passes without payment. And then when you run out of digits, your dad’s bar and who knows what then. All right, my son?”

It sucks to be West Ham midfielder Matthew Etherington. He’s lucky he still has all his fingers. He has West Ham to thank for that. They were forced to give Etherington enough money to choke a dozen donkeys after he came to them for help with a gambling debt.

Etherington, a recovering gambling addict, fell prey to the neon claws of Gamblor and suffered a minor relapse. This one only cost him £800,000. However the debt wasn’t his only problem. He was forced to approach the club for a loan after receiving death threats. West Ham officials were worried enough to advance him £300,000 to pay down the debt. They might regret that after losing their sponsor XL late last week. The threats he received from his bookie were “nasty and personal” as opposed to pleasant and impersonal. The rudeness was more than he could bear.