Stories like these make me ashamed to be from Maryland. Sorry, Murland.
Spring Meadow Farms in Baltimore Country held a pig wrestling jamboree this past weekend to the dismay of county officials and PETA. Owner Stan Dabkowski fought the power and held the event even though he was threatened with protests and county code violations.
Twenty groups of four-member teams took turns attempting to corral pigs and place them in a round, shallow water trough for a $150 prize. Each had 90 seconds to do so. Some were able to do it in as few as 25 seconds.
Let me say that I, for one, am offended. The pig is a wonderful, magical animal and unlike those who would disparage it, I find it to be quite halal and kosher. Oink vey indeed! What other animal gives us pork, sausage and bacon? It’s a literal food factory and people are defiling it for their pleasure. Let us not even speak about their intelligence. If the pig had opposable thumbs, I would be wary of facing it in a game of backgammon. If the pig could speak, I would love to discuss Wittgenstein, Heidegger and the Marquis de Sade with the pig over said game of backgammon. Instead some yokels force the pigs into corrals for their amusement and don’t even partake in their sweet, sweet deliciousness. For shame! Save the salted meats! I’m furious. I’m gonna go complain to my purents.
FRESNO, Calif. — A stranger broke into a home east of Fresno, rubbed spices on the body of one of two men as they slept and used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man in the face and head before he fled, Fresno County sheriff’s deputies said Saturday.
Lt. Ian Burrimond said a suspect was found in a nearby field and taken into custody. Deputies, he said, had no problem linking a suspect to the crime: “It seems the guy ran out of the house wearing only a T-shirt, boxer shorts and socks, leaving behind his wallet with his ID.”
Arrested was a 22-year-old Fresno resident.
The spices and the sausage, Burrimond said, were taken from the victims’ kitchen.
He said money that had been taken was recovered, but the sausage was discarded and eaten by a dog. “That’s right, the dog ate the weapon,” Burrimond said.
I don’t know how they get down in Fresno but if this is the regular, it’s no wonder David Carr is so gun-shy. I’d hate to go to sleep wondering if I’ll make it through the night without being assaulted with food. However if I have to be thrashed with food, I prefer the pig and salted meats above all others.
Who would have thought the missing link would be in Arkansas? Fine, we’ve all thought that at some point in our lives. What you didn’t know is that there are several missing links. You have the one between man and ape. You have “Jammin” Joe LaRue who is the missing link between man and god. Then you have the missing link between man and ostrich. Bobby Petrino.
Petrino, head football coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks, gave his sob story to the media about being unaware of the fallout from his cowardly exit from the Atlanta Falcons job to take the Arkansas job.
Petrino said that he threw himself into the Arkansas job and was not aware of the media beating he was receiving.
“It was hard on my family. It was hard on my wife and my kids, but I didn’t hear a lot of it,” Petrino said. “That was probably good.”
For months Petrino declined to be interviewed except for the local media that covers Arkansas football. But when he arrived at the SEC meetings he agreed to meet with the media contingent that regularly covers the league.
Petrino was pressed on whether, in hindsight, he could have handled his departure from Atlanta differently.
“Not that I know of,” he said. “Because of the timing of it and both sides of the fence, that is kind of how it worked out. It was a situation where you have no other choice.”
Sometimes a weasel gotta be a weasel, playboy.
Alabama head coach Nick Saban was unavailable for comment as he’s locked away in his office trying to figure out other ways to get around NCAA recruiting guidelines.