Deuce of Davenport » The Fat Boys

Kevin Harlan Is Not Impressed That JaMarcus Russell Stays Flossed Out

Mustafa Redonkulous — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 05:10:00 +0000

Oh my God, he’s fat again. There’s no other way to say it. JaMarcus Russell is larger than life. Literally and figuratively. Yes, he’s bigger than all 32 remaining Backstreet Boys fans put together. He threw away the Raiders season like it was a salad. He skipped the last team meeting to head to Vegas and now he can’t go to a basketball game without being called out for sucking by the announcers.

Kevin Harlan and Doug Collins were calling a NBA game when TNT’s cameras caught Jamarcus Russell in some floor seats. They could have quickly acknowledged his presence and moved on to other topics. Let’s just say he caught their eye for more than a couple seconds.

JaMarcus Russell2019s Bling Holding Back His Game – Watch more Funny Videos

Harlan and Collins should show some understanding. JaMarcus is not a man with much time on his hands. There are countless hours that need to be spent in the buffet line as well as the film room and jewelry store. His theme song has been All You Can Eat but his ice is so blingy. He’s earned Bling Bling as his alternate anthem.

Medallion iced up, Rolex bezelled up
And his pinky ring is platinum plus
Earrings be trillion cut
And his grill be slugged up

Don’t you know JaMarcus is tryin’ to put platinum eyebrows on these hoes? Back up off him!

Two Tons Of Fun

Mustafa Redonkulous — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 21:01:00 +0000

Usually we’re saying watch out for the big girl when we say two tons of fun but Boston pitchers work too. When Schilling comes off the DL, the post-game buffet may start crying.

Bloggers Now Can Lose Weight While Working

Chimpanzee Rage — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 09:34:00 +0000

Now us bloggers have no excuse to have extra pounds. Some intrepid dude has come up with the Tread Desk. Thats right, its a desk that can lift up so you can work while you are walking or running right in front of it. Genius right? The bane of your existence? True as well. Going to burn a hole in your pocket if you wish to purchase it? You betcha! It can run up to 4000 bucks to get yourself a complete set up if you want to do it up all fancy, but it looks like you can be good to go with a $2000 outlay. In reality, the money you spend on this probably would be made up in the fact that you’re actually active and burning some calories making you much healthier.

Sure there are plenty of us sports bloggers that could probably stand to lose some pounds. I’d love to drop a solid dime in weight. I can also think of a few head coaches that could use this during the week while they’re preparing their game plans.
Yea, definitely Friedgen

Oh yea, Mangino too

Do not forget Weis in this…eh you get the point.

From Tread Desk

Tonga Knows Eating

Mustafa Redonkulous — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 05:00:00 +0000

Tonga don’t play when it comes to rugby, BYU football or eating. The Tonga national rugby team is based in Bournemouth, England where they’re preparing for the upcoming Rugby World Cup in France. If they show the kind of intensity on the pitch that they displayed at the Fusion Inn, they could be unstoppable.

The Tongans rolled into the pub for lunch and proceeded to wreck shop like Chris Rainey on white girls.

When they dropped into the Fusion Inn yesterday for an English pub lunch, the 30 South Sea giants chomped their way through a staggering 30 roast chickens, 60lb of roast lamb and 60lb of roast beef.

They also wolfed 30lb of pasta and 30lb of potato salad and washed it all down with 40 litres of orange juice.

In all, more than a quarter of a million calories and nearly 10,000g of fat were consumed by the squad.

The English haven’t seen devastation like this since the Blitz of 1940 or every World Cup they’ve ever entered.

The pub called in two extra chefs and three extra waiters off the bench.

In case you were wondering, the Tongans also called “the wrecking balls of the tournament” are in the same group as the US. The gauntlet has officially been thrown down. While this isn’t the tournament’s group of death, it is for the US. Samoa, England and South Africa round out the group. Save us, Superman because we’re about to get proper fucked.

We’ll leave you with this tribute to the wrecking balls.

** Vai Sikahema’s nephew is Jon Heder. Yeah, Napoleon Dynamite. Marinate on that.