MLB.com just put out their top 50 prospects list and well collected it is.  I’m psyched the Nationals have 2 people on it, for realz son!  Whenever i look at lists of players like this though, i can’t help but poke a little fun at some of this year’s new crop of possible MLB superstars names.  Juvenile?  For sure.  Bad habit?  Yup.    Lets look at a few guys that should be the number one prospects in our hearts, if only from their names.

10. Madison Bumgarner – I envision this guy to look like on of the old guys from Trading Places. I know he PROBABLY doesn’t. But it’d be great to have a kid coming up that looks like a 50 year old rich white man. Just with that name he could sit right beside Randolph and Mortimer with a cocktail in one hand and a cigar in another. “Looking good Madison!” “Feeling Good, Louis!”

11. Carlos Santana – His walking to the plate music has GOT to be “Oye Como Va” since it loosely translates to “Check this out”, like “Check out this home run I’m about to blast”. When he hits a home run, i will expect Karl Ravech to shout out “ABRAXIS!!” on Baseball Tonight, even though I haven’t watched that show since the MLB Network came into existence. This kid has about a million nicknames built into his name being shared with the esteemed guitarist. Personally, I think he should be called “Jugando” after the track on Santana’s album “Moonflower”. Not only the final part to a badass 3 part medley, it also means “at play”. Apropos no?

22. Starlin Castro – I’ve never been more divided about a name ever. Castro is always badass since he shares the last name with a ruthless dictator. On the other hand, Starlin is sort of a cross between a fish and a luminous ball of plasma. No idea how your parents think that is a good idea. Maybe its a family name. Or maybe they’re just a fan of comic books.

30. Yonder Alonso – If ever a name cried out for a new version of the classic “Who’s on First” sketch it could be Yonder.

“Who’s Alonso?”
“Yonder”
“I didn’t ask where, I asked who!”
“Who?”
“Alsono!”
“Yonder?”
“ARRRGH!”
/punch in face

39. Tanner Scheppers – What an odd name. It sort of sounds like an alcoholic beverage. I do not know why. Just odd. But I like it.

50. Jaff Decker – Jaff just sounds like a name out of Star Wars or something. Like Dack was or Wedge or Biggs…basically he sounds like an X-Wing pilot and that, in and of itself, is AWESOME.  He has a lot to live up to.

Arubans should hang their heads in shame. Their royalty has embarrassed them once again. Sir Sidney Ponson has been cut from the Texas Rangers from “for disrespecting teammates and club personnel”. Even the guys that “didn’t kill” that girl are glad they aren’t him today. He should just go back to Aruba and start living like King Ralph.

He may be named after games but love ain’t one to Milton Bradley. Can’t the Kansas City Royals see what they’re doing to him? They’re breaking his heart and making him feel like half the man he used to be. He loves himself so much that it just tears him up inside seeing himself get treated this way.

Bradley went postal again after being criticized by Royals announcer Ryan Lefebvre. He charged out of the Rangers clubhouse and up four flights of stairs looking for Lefebvre after hearing himself being called out on the clubhouse television. He got within 20 feet of the Royals announcer before being led back downstairs.

The Rangers outfielder started ranting and crying once he was back in the clubhouse and had to be comforted by teammates.

“I’m tired of people bringing me down,” Bradley said. “It wears on you. I love you guys, all you guys. I’m strong, but I’m not that strong. All I want to do is play baseball and make a better life for my kid than I had.”

Lefebvre wasn’t sure why Bradley was so pissed off.

“It was a conversation about how Josh Hamilton has turned his life around and has been accountable for his mistakes,” Lefebvre told The Associated Press. “Right now, it seems like the baseball world and fans are rooting for him. … It doesn’t seem like Milton Bradley has done the same thing in his life.”

“We weren’t tearing up Milton Bradley. I told (Washington and Daniels) this wasn’t a Milton Bradley rip session, but just based on the pictures we’ve seen in this series of him walking to the dugout all the way to right field, dropping his bat, making gestures to the fans in right field and above the dugout and taunting them. He’s the only person in baseball I know that does that type of stuff.”

It sure quacks like a Milton Bradley rip session. Lefebvre claimed it was more about praising Hamilton than bringing down Bradley. Of course he couldn’t compliment Hamilton without throwing Bradley under the bus.

The only person in baseball who does that kind of stuff? Meet the Washington Nationals. Elijah and Lastings would take exception to that comment.

Can’t you see Milton has feelings, girl? He feels pain too. You think he throws water bottles at crowds, fights with managers and injures himself going after umpires for the fun of it? He does it for the kids.

Lefebvre shouldn’t have tried to weasel out of his statements. Leave that weak shit to Chicago’s favorite douchebag. However his comments certainly don’t justify Bradley losing it (again) and going after him.

Far be for us to make fun of Liverpool and their fans but even we have to ask what the hell is going on at Anfield these days. You haven’t heard? Liverpool’s a clusterfuck these days. Allow us to catch you up. Watch your valuables.

Do You Know What Nemesis Means?

Nemesis is a hard word for Steven Gerrard but there’s no way he’ll ever forget what that word means for the rest of his life.

G’s father, Paul informed a court by letter that Stevie was being blackmailed and harrassed by Liverpool gangster George “Psycho” Bromley. He was placed under police protection but Psycho was still able to ambush him outside his flat as well as vandalize his car and chase him home from practice. We forgot to mention that Psycho threatened to shoot Gerrard in his legs and cripple him.

Paul Gerrard decided to get some outside help and hired “underworld fixer” John Kinsella to sort out Psycho.

“We were at our wits’ end when we were introduced by a family friend to John Kinsella. I told him about the ongoing threats and violence. John then reassured me and my family he would resolve our nightmare.

Kinsella testified that he simply “spoke” to Psycho and the harassment stopped after Psycho decided to “take his advice”. Oh Kinsella was in court as he’s accused of being a part of a gang that carried out a £41,000 robbery and led police on a 130 mph chase. He’s claiming he was only in the area of the robbery “in his role as an underworld enforcer”.

Liverpool Fans Are Learning What Texas Rangers Fans Already Know

Tom Hicks is a donkey. This is the same guy that signed A-Rod to a ridiculous contract that handicapped the team. He also signed Chan Ho Park. Now he’s trying to destroy Liverpool and he’s taking no prisoners.

A seemingly permanent rift has opened between Hicks and partner George Gillett over the sale and direction of the club. Tensions are enough where they asked to sit separately at the Liverpool’s last Champions League match. He blocked the sale of Gillett’s shares to a Dubai interest who were willing to buy.

Hicks unsettled the team but approaching Jurgen Klinsmann about taking over for manager Rafa Benitez. The team’s fall from the title race seemed to start around that time. Rafa and the players haven’t recovered from the turmoil. Hicks also did this without the knowledge of Gillett.

Now he’s demanding that chief executive Rick Parry step down because he feels that he’s in Gillett’s camp. To his credit, Parry told Hicks to fuck off (at least he should have) and that he’s not going anywhere.

As much as we (fine, I) like to rip Liverpool, this is a bit much. Hicks is slowly destroying a team with a long tradition and supporters with sticky fingers. Things won’t get better until he is forced out.

Guess Who Thinks Liverpool Sucks As Much As He Does

Andrei Voronin, come on down! You’re the next Liverpool player to get robbed!

Wait until Liverpool fans see what the “striker” had to say about their city of culture.

– “Compared with Germany, England is far behind in terms of comfort and culture”

– “Steve Gerrard was burgled recently so a police patrol car comes into our compound fairly often. We hear police sirens all the time. Leverkusen, by contrast, was so much quieter.”

– “The medical services here are poor. When I was in Germany, there were lots of good clinics and doctors. It is nothing like that here – when our child had a skin allergy we waited hours for the doctor to see him. When we finally got to see a doctor, he said he didn’t know how to treat children and to try rubbing in this ointment. That was it. I was stunned. As a result my wife had to go back to Odessa with him and took a full set of tests there.”

– “But English isn’t the main problem. The main thing is to learn to understand the local players like Gerrard and Carragher. They speak with some peculiar local accent and sometimes I have absolutely no clue what the guys are saying.”

I’m sure Voronin will be pleased to know that Liverpool fans think he’s just as useless. He’s been nothing but a flop since arriving in Scouse Country. He should rest comfortably knowing that he’ll be leaving as soon as the season is over.

Say what you want about Rangers owner Tom Hicks but don’t call him a Sunday fool. He finally realized that A-Rod’s kinda good and he kinda wants him back. The Bergen Record reports that a major league source has claimed that Hicks is interested in reacquiring A-Rod and is even willing to put a 10-year contract on the table to make it happen.

Let’s not forget that the Rangers are still paying a good chunk of his salary and they’re “still on the hook for roughly $30 million of the $81 million remaining over the 2007 and 2008 seasons”. I can’t imagine what Hicks will offer this time. $750 million, Laredo and Harry Kewell as A-Rod’s cabana boy? Chan Ho Park is still available and he can drive from Round Rock so they wouldn’t have to buy him a plane ticket.