Tuesday, April 15th, 2008 at
Ok, not that type of muffin. Australian Olympic team members were attending a function in Brisbane when they were shocked to find that they were being fed spiked chocolate muffins! Two people at the function bit into the terrorist muffins and found paperclips inside of them. The whole batch of muffins was then confiscated by authorities and it was found that 13 other muffins also had the deadly paperclips inside. Luckily, not a single Olympic team member was injured and the terrorist muffin plot was foiled.
“I’m absolutely devastated that this has happened. But we’re doing everything we can to work with the authorities,” [Merlo Kitchen Catering Company director Dean] Merlo said.
Queensland Health and Queensland Police are investigating the incident. It is not sure if paperclips were baked into the muffins, or whether they were inserted at a later date.
Olympians at the function included gymnast Ayiesha Johnston and swimmer Christian Sprenger.
Thank God this terrorist plot was foiled. The dental and intestinal damage that these tainted muffins would have caused could have robbed the Aussies of all their Olympic glory! Yes…this is Olympic news these days.
Thursday, April 10th, 2008 at
Chinese officials said today that they have uncovered and foiled a terrorist plot to kidnap athletes, foreign journalists and tourists at the Olympic games in Beijing. 35 people from a “vast terrorist gang” have been arrested in the past few weeks and officials are keeping on top of things to prevent anymore syndicates from popping up and succeeding.
Damn. Not that I really wish anyone to die or be harmed or anything but I know i’d be glued to my television and computer if i knew some sort of terrorist attack was going on. Leading up to the games right now, no one cares much about the athletes or events anyway. Everyone is just reporting on all the screw ups that China has had getting ready for the games. I read more stories like about how the air sucks and the toilets suck and the swimsuits suck than actual hype for the athletes that are in the games. Isn’t that what the Olympics is supposed to be about, the athletes?
What I’m trying to say is, none of it is really all that interesting anymore. No one can write up an interesting enough story about any of the athletes that are participating in these events so everyone is just focusing on these softballs. I’m burned out on it and the games haven’t even started yet. I don’t care anymore about these jacked up games. Watching them now would only be for ironic reasons only. From now until the end of the summer, I don’t want to hear anything more about the Olympics unless someone is kidnapped or something is bombed. Otherwise, it’s just not at all interesting anymore.
Tuesday, March 18th, 2008 at
Chechnya welcomed back top-flight football for the first time in 14 years as Chechen powerhouse Terek took on brickhouse Krylya Sovietov. I like how the brickhouse takes it back to the old school. They broke Terek 3-0.
Warlord/benevolent dictator Ramzan Kadyrov said this showed that Chechnya was over the unpleasantness of the past years when everyone was on vacation and nothing happened.
Boom goes the dynamite. Seriously it does so watch where you run.
“It’s a great victory for us because this shows Grozny has returned and the Chechen people are tired of war and just want to live normal lives.”
Kadyrov failed to mention that the people were beaten into submission by the Russian military which was aided by his paramilitary army.
The match took place in the same stadium where Kadyrov’s father Akhmad was killed by a bomb (5:00) planted under his seat during a rally. Ah memories.
The match was so normal that snipers were on roofs surrounding the stadium. They backed up over 7000 police officers. Oh sewers were checked and cell phone signals were jammed as a precaution against remote-controlled bombs.
Tuesday, August 21st, 2007 at
Malcolm X was right. The chickens are coming home to roost. I have a gut feeling that the terror alert level will be raised to Metrosexual in the next day or two. That’s fuchsia on the color scale for all you non-DHSheads.
Al-Qaeda and its sympathizers have had enough of footballers like David Beckham, Thierry Henry and Shrek (sorry, Wayne Rooney) prancing around the soccer field looking like hunky pieces of meat and playing dead sexy football.
A Scotland-based website and YouTube video condemns Muslims who admire and support celebrities and athletes and calls for their assassination. The News of the World (a reputable source like The Star or Media Takeout) reports that the site has pictures of the three footballers asking why Muslims support them.
A caption across the screen threatens: “Every soul shall taste death.” Much of the soundtrack is a sermon given in London recently by a young militant cleric linked to radical Omar Bakri Mohammed, barred from Britain after praising the 7/7 bombings.
His rant declares that Muslims who are passionate about sport or music are hellbound like the “disbelievers” they admire. Other celebrities rubbished on the video include P Diddy and Justin Timberlake. It ends with the rousing message: “Rise up, oh youth!”
Now if the video just threatened P Diddy and footballers such as Robbie Savage, Craig Bellamy or Lee Bowyer, the threat level would stay the same and possibly drop to off-white.
We fight them over there so they don’t come over here and now we bring one of their main targets here to show off like King Kong in New York? By the way we act, we even lost our minds.
It’s clear what we have to do. Give them to the bad guys. Time to take one for the team. Maybe we could try to slip them Eli Manning while we’re at it. “This one’s on the house.”