Hopefully you’re in a food coma or drinking yourself into Bolivian. We weren’t going to post anything until Monday but our visual palates need to be cleansed after that disaster of a halftime show imposed on us during the Seahawks-Cowboys game by the NFL. Blind rage barely begins to describe the feeling running through me as I watched a bunch of screaming girls cheer on the Jonas Brothers. This is how post office and factory shootings start. I couldn’t find the remote so I started hoping that my face would melt like Toht’s in Raiders of the Lost Ark. No such luck. I was left shaking my fist with impotent rage. Not that I’m impotent, ladies. I’m all man. Please believe me!
You, my friend, could use some fun after the unpleasantness. Big fun. This video brilliance should help you start coping with what took place this afternoon at Texas Stadium. Don’t forget it. Never forget it. Santayana was right. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. There are so many reasons why this video is amazing. Try Telly Savalas, smoking and Howard Cosell for starters.
For the hundredth time, someone needs to put us on to where we can get some Players Club cards.
What can we say about Javon Walker? We had one take late last night when we first read about him being found unconscious in a Vegas hotel driveway with a broken orbital bone. Brian Griese feels but doesn’t remember his pain.
This morning, we find out that he is an alleged robbery victim. Norm Clarke reports that he was at Body English until 7 AM spraying the crowd with over 15 bottles of Dom Perignon. He did the same thing on Saturday night at a different Vegas club. The receiver has a long history with tearing up the club in Vegas.
Walker asked Broncos coach Mike Shanahan for permission not to attend [murdered Broncos teammate Darrent] Williams’ funeral in Texas [in 2007], saying he was too distraught. Walker flew to Las Vegas the weekend of the funeral and was seen at Tryst.
Walker recently signed a six-year deal with the Raiders after crying his way out of Green Bay and losing his job in Denver. Hopefully, he’s the unlucky victim of a robbery attempt. We don’t want to imply anything more devious at this point but he might want to consider keeping his ass out of Vegas for a while. Then again, he better watch his back in Oakland.
As the football season winds down in Europe, we wonder what we’re going to do during the offseason besides join in the absurd rumormongering that goes on in the European press. You can expect nothing less from us. Here’s hoping that overpaid, under-educated footballers will get themselves in stupid, embarrassing situations for our amusement.
Get Out Of My Belly It looks like the pressure’s getting to Fat Freddy Shepherd. Every good thing that happens to Newcastle seems to be followed by a corresponding cockpunch and twist. Every big name signing seems to drop as though Screwface put some bad mojo on them. The casualty list topped by Obafemi Martins, Michael Owen, Damien Duff and Scott Parker is rather impressive. Shepherd met with former Bolton manager Big Sam Allardyce at Claridge’s in London yesterday. Allegedly an offer to manage Newcastle was made and accepted with some details yet to be worked out. Both sides agreed that they were close to an agreement that would have Big Sam take over the “big club” otherwise known as Newcastle United.
Once Shepherd has his man, he can return his focus to Owen who has a £9million buyout clause in his contract. It’s rumored that he wants a return to Liverpool which he left to win silverware. he hasn’t won anything while Liverpool has won the Champions League and FA Cup. Shepherd isn’t too pleased about this especially as the club has stood by him through all his injury problems.
If you didn’t hear Shepherd’s response, he said, “I’ll fucking carry him back for you…for £9million”. Solid Freddy solid. Good to see he has a sense of humor about the situation.
Noting the lack of redheads on Jose Mourinho’s squad, Chelsea is close to signing Reading midfielder Steve Sidwell. Sidwell is scheduled to undergo a medical on Monday at Stamford Bridge and is being held out of Reading’s final match against Blackburn tomorrow.
United Shame English Football With Weak Celebration
By the hammer of Thor, has football come to this? Gazza’s liver must be turning in his torso.
Manchester United players celebrated their one-year Premiership trophy loan deal by going out on the town and running up a bar tab of….wait for it…£8,500. Most of it went towards Cristal.
Some players carried on the party at striker Wayne Rooney’s mansion in Prestbury, Cheshire.
A source said: “The lads had a great time – and even let some of the local girls join the party and enjoy the champers.”
Champers?? What the fuck? Then again, they do carry manbags. No debauchery? No fights? No making it rain?
Maybe they took it easy because they didn’t want to get whiskey dick before roasting the over-50 local girls Rooney invited back to his crib.
The Las Vegas Sun reports that the Las Vegas Sports and Entertainment Group is trying to bring an MLS franchise to Vegas by 2010. The group “hopes to build a high-tech, state-of-the-art stadium with a retractable roof that will be linked with a casino.”
The group would ask for no public financing and the stadium would be available for other uses besides soccer.
There’s no team name but the name “Silver Spurs” is being tossed around like a dwarf. No team should have anything in common with Tottenham Hotspur. The Deuce suggests the name Hustlers. It works on so many (two) levels.
By the way, does anyone know where we can find Player’s Club cards? We’ve looked everywhere.
