The Onion has confirmed what I thought about Stephon Marbury all along. He is an Iago, a snake poised to strike.

Things are going from stupid to ridiculous for Stephon Marbury. Not only has he been banished by his team but now he’s getting punked by the Swiss who are known for their humor.

Several people claiming to be Swiss bankers with connections to Real Madrid attempted to recruit Starbury to play for the Spanish giants. It turns out they were fakers. He didn’t find this out before he returned calls and emails on Saturday. Now he’s considering turning their information over to the law.

The pranksters also contacted the Post, AP and the New York Times to promote Starbury’s imminent move to Real and Real president Ramon Calderon’s contacts with Donnie Walsh. Too bad none of it was true. Starbury playing in Spain would make for great reality TV. We might get a Kwame Brown moment where he blows up when he can’t get Spanish Fly at a restaurant.

In response to the NY Knicks and Starbury not coming to a buyout agreement, leaving Marbury suspended and still waiting for the Knicks to come up with some plan of action Marbury fired his mout off like a howtizer in a firefight with a panzer about everything and everyone. The worst quote of them all follows. I’m not exactly sure where Stephon Marbury was coming up with this analogy for his teammates badmouthing him in the press, its a bit of an extreme quote for sure, as quotes always are when they compare the horrors of war with the world of sport.

“When things got bad and then worse, guys like Quentin Richardson say, ‘I don’t consider him a teammate. He let his teammates out to dry.’ He didn’t care I was his teammate when I was banished. They left me out for dead. It’s like we’re in a foxhole and I’m facing the other way. If I got shot in the head, at least you want to get shot by the enemy. I got shot in the head by my own guys in my foxhole. And they didn’t even give me an honorable death.”

Seriously? An “honorable death”? What the hell is this crazy bastard talking about? What happened to getting stabbed in the back? Why’d he have to take it to the foxhole/shot in the head/honorable death level? How does anyone ever legitimately compare basketball to death and war anyway? People get enough crap about that when they do it for football, but this might be the first time I’ve ever heard anyone equate any part of the sport of basketball to war.

Honestly, I do not know which one I want more. A team to take Starbury off the Knicks hands so we can hear him interviewed every single night in hopes of another ignorant quote such as this or the Knicks to keep fucking with him so that he gets angrier and angrier so that his next quote will make this quote seem tame in comparison. I can just see him going after Mike D’Antoni and invoking Josef “Angel of Death” Mengele or something.

Via NY Post

Training camp is barely underway and Stephon Marbury is already causing headaches for everyone in Knick Land. You’ve already seen the reports of his Media Day comments. Now his teammates are struggling to find ways to say they want him gone.

…”I just feel like, I guess right now that’s the story – if he’s gonna be here or if he’s not, or does he come off the bench if he is here and all that stuff. That’s all fine and well, but we just need to focus more on winning games.”

“We should be more focused on restoring order to the Knicks,” [Jamal] Crawford said.

That can’t happen, and won’t happen, as long as No. 3 – “Coney Island’s Finest,” as the tattoo on his left biceps says – remains the center of the universe. “It’s bigger than just one person, this organization,” Crawford said.

Newsday’s Ken Berger reports that coach Mike D’Antoni polled the team on Starbury and he lost in a landslide. They want him gone yesterday.

Berger already has Starbury praying for him so that means his mind is somewhere else already. Take the malcontent and add a little sciatica and we have the makings of another quality Knickerbocker season. This should end well for Knick haters such as myself.

Donnie Walsh and the Knicks are hedging their bets and praying to Jesus, Buddha and Allah that Stephon Marbury won’t be a problem this upcoming season. Don’t count on it.

Perhaps an Aztec or Mayan sacrifice would do the trick. Here’s a thought. Use Starbury for the sacrifice. If that’s too messy, pour BBQ and hot sauce on him and let Eddy Curry eat him like a boa on a small mammal. He must have a detachable jaw. Problem solved either way. A salary cap hit is a small price to pay for peace of mind.