Terry Matterson’s wife was most likely pissed when he came home from work without his wedding ring. “Baby you see what had happened was…” The Castleford coach had an airtight excuse that no wife could reject. It’s true that he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring. However he also wasn’t wearing his ring finger. It was severed in a training ground accident that’s enough to make anyone cringe.
Matterson was preparing his squad for the weekend’s friendly against the Catalan Dragons when he scaled a steel fence to retrieve a ball. He caught his wedding ring on a spike on top and, without realising it, severed the finger as he jumped down. “It was a shock,” he said with some understatement. “We were looking around for the finger on the field and couldn’t find it.
Castleford staff eventually detached it from the fence and took it, packed in ice, to the hospital with Matterson, but doctors were unable to re-attach it. He still took charge of the team for the game in Perpignan, although he left some duties to his assistant, Andy Hay.
This is the kind of story that makes you mutter “Holy shit!” under your breath after reading it. That is unless you actually witness the event in person. That’s when you yell “Holy shit!” or “What the fuck??” while pointing instead of helping out.
It’s not all bad for Matterson. Now he can convincingly play a Yakuza member for Halloween or Guy Fawkes Day. Boxing Day, whatever. That’s mad street cred in Little Tokyo. Take that, Dolph.
Guess which perpetually injured quarterback who has trouble throwing the ball more than 30 yards wants back on an NFL field? Chad Pennington of course! Even more shocking is that the Dolphins wouldn’t mind him back as an insurance option for Chad Henne, but they need to see if he can actually throw a 15 yard out route first. That’s right, they aren’t sure if he can hit a 15 yard out route because his arm/shoulder have been so shredded throughout his career. Isn’t that what you want in a backup quarterback?
Lets take a look at Chad’s injury history in his 9 seasons of pro football real quick:
2002 – Fracture/dislocation on his left (non-throwing) hand (missed 6 games)
2004 – Injured right rotator cuff (missed 4 games)
Feb 2005 – Surgery to repair substantial tear in the right rotator cuff, as well as a large bone spur.
Sept 2005 – Injured right rotator cuff.
Oct 2005 – Surgery to repair his right rotator cuff.
2007 – High ankle sprain (missed 1 game); benched after 8 games.
Sept 2009 – Injured right shoulder.
Oct 2009 – Surgery to repair labrum tear and shoulder capsule.
Wow…ok. If this was baseball, this guy would only be tossing balls for a rec league softball team. A guy who never had much arm strength to begin with, coming off his 3rd shoulder surgery, who has only played in 16 games twice in his career, seriously wants to give it another go? I dont want to be the bearer of bad news but, c’mon, read the tea leaves Chad.
Pennington needs to listen to his body more than his heart. He may have the desire to play still, but his body has already told him he just shouldn’t do it.
Some Chinese healers say the first piss of the morning heals black toe nails. Bull penis is also considered to be an aphrodisiac. Footballers have relied on injury treatments involving goat’s blood and Viagra in the past. A horse’s placenta? Why the hell not?
Arsenal and Netherlands striker Robert van Persie won’t be making any runs due to being ruled out for six weeks following an ankle injury suffered in a friendly against Italy on Saturday. He’s going to Serbia for treatment in an attempt to return to action as soon as possible. A Serbian doctor will attempt to treat his injury by rubbing fluid from a horse’s placenta on his ankle. Arsenal physios are fine with this. Manager Arsene Wenger probably suggested using a little boy but that wouldn’t go over too well in the press. It’s not clear how rubbing Ruud van Nistelrooy’s placenta on van Persie’s ankle will make it heal faster but the visual has to be worth the price.
The story of Danish footballer Jonathan Richter has taken a turn for the worse with the news that his lower leg was amputated after being struck by lightning during a friendly six weeks ago.
The strike that hit the FC Nordsjaelland player was so powerful that it knocked five or six other players to the ground. Medics managed to restart his heart but decided to place him into a medically induced coma to aid his recovery. Unfortunately it wasn’t enough as doctors, along with Richter, decided the damage to his leg was too severe to save it.
A message on the club’s website yesterday read: “Jonathan’s progress means a lot to the Richter family, friends and all involved with FC Nordsjaelland, but the family now request that all continue to respect the peace that Jonathan needs in the future as he faces tough rehabilitation.”
There isn’t any footage of the Richter strike but check this footage from a match in South Africa.
Keep in mind the lightning hit the wet ground as opposed to a person. According to police, Richter suffered a direct hit to the head or chest. We’re surprised that the lightning didn’t give him superpowers like Black Lightning. Losing a lower leg is a small price to pay for the ability to give a Super Shocker to the ladies. Wait until they get a taste of his Reverse Shocker.
A London-based friend of the Deuce was kind enough to pass along the contract details of Manchester United’s Michael Owen. Here are some of the highlights.
£30,000 per week basic pay.
£20,000 per starting appearance, conditional on Owen completing at least three minutes on the pitch without collapsing in an anguished heap.
£20,000 per goal scored, as long as he doesn’t break his arm/hip/entire skeletal frame celebrating with Rio Ferdinand.
£30,000 for every goal scored against Liverpool, conditional on Owen dancing a jig in front of Rafael Benitez. Owen must not injure himself mid-jig.
£20,000 for every successful hounding of a referee. Must ensure official is too scared to award any controversial decisions against United for the rest of the match/season/eternity.
£20,000 one-off fee to take Nani on a helicopter ride to a small island off the coast of Iceland, and leave him there.
£20,000 one-off fee payable upon Owen burning all copies of his promotional brochure. He must never mention said brochure again.
£70,000 reduction in pay if Owen ever declares himself fit to play for England again.
