South Park Archives

You can get it, boy! Now gimme dat sweet ‘nilla lovin’!

When Isiah Thomas left the Knicks, Eddy Curry was but the learner. Now he could be the master of sexual harassment. When the big man tells you to take care of the kid, you better drop to those knees as David Kuchinsky found out.

Curry is being sued by Kuchinsky, his former driver, who claims that he is owed back pay and expenses. Oh he also claims that Curry tried to get some sex on the side too.

The stunning court papers claim Curry, a married father of three, repeatedly approached chauffeur David Kuchinsky “in the nude,” allegedly telling him, “Look at me, Dave, look” and “Come and touch it, Dave.”

Curry also made Kuchinsky perform “humiliating tasks outside the scope of his employment, such as cleaning up and removing dirty towels [Curry had ejaculated into] so that his wife would not see them,” the Manhattan federal court suit says.

“Ja, you will love it when you touch it.” It gets better. Add a few racial slurs and some Plaxico Burress/Jayson Williams gunplay and we’ve got ourselves a good old fashioned Knicks sexual harrassment party.

And in a disturbing episode reminiscent of some of the evidence in the manslaughter case against former Nets star Jayson Williams, Kuchinsky further claims in his suit that Curry pointed a “fully loaded” gun at him on at least two separate occasions to keep him from complaining about his treatment.

“Look, I have one in the chamber,” Curry allegedly said.

Sit your $5 ass down before I make change. That’s so Nino Brown. It’s not clear whether gun should be in quotes as well. Curry could have been talking about his “love gun” or the mayonnaise gun he keeps in a shoulder holster that compliments the Roy Rogers holster of fries he always keeps at his side.

Of course, nothing has been proven so we can’t assume Curry is guilty unlike Isiah who we all knew was guilty from the jump. For the record, he and his lawyer deny the allegations.

His lawyer, Kelly Saindon, denied all of Kuchinsky’s allegations, calling them “absolutely untrue,” and saying he began making a series of claims for unpaid wages several months ago, upping the ante each time.

Saindon said Curry took a chance on hiring Kuchinsky despite a criminal record that includes a three-year prison sentence for a 1992 burglary in New Jersey. He also got three years’ probation in a 2004 resisting-arrest case in the Garden State, records show.

These accusations seem like the actions of a motivated sexual harasser and that makes us skeptical. Curry is world-renowned for his laziness and it’s hard to believe he could get the energy to pursue his driver with such determination. He only works this hard at the Times Square Olive Garden when he’s testing the limits of the Never-Ending Pasta Bowl.

Kuchinsky’s lawyer, Matt Blit might want to be careful. Anucha Browne Sanders ended up settling for over $11 million. Kuchinsky is suing for what amounts to barely $100,000 dollars. He might end up settling for free coffee.

Super! Thanks For Asking!


Tim Hardaway loves the gays. In fact he prefers it if you call him Big Gay Tim.

Unlike Isiah Washington, Hardaway decided to send himself to gayhab and it appears to be taking. In case you forgot, he told the world that he hated gay people when asked how he would have felt about having a gay teammate. David Stern responded by tossing him out of Vegas and banning him from participating in any All-Star weekend activities.

Since then, Hardaway was encouraged by the backlash to his comments to get his learn on and deal with his homophobia. He’s been working with the YES Institute which “works to prevent youth suicide and ensure the healthy development of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender youth”.

“I just wanted to go in and get educated, that’s all. Get educated on what I said and why I said those things,” Hardaway said Thursday in an interview with The Associated Press. “I’m working on understanding it now. I’m not really trying to make amends. I’ve been there trying to get help.”

“I had no idea how much I hurt people,” said Hardaway, who spent most of his NBA career with the Golden State Warriors and Miami Heat, and still makes his home in South Florida. “A lot of people.”

Give the man some credit. At least he didn’t pull a Mark Foley and claim that he was an alcoholic.

He’s been working with the institute on the DL so that it would seem like a publicity stunt or quick-fix. Employees of the institute have praised Hardaway for his progress and continuing work with the kids.

Director Martha Fugate said that Hardaway was “so genuine” and said she was suprised at “how real” their relationship became with him. That’s so Real World of them.

Seriously, Hardaway is doing exactly what he should be doing. Most people especially athletes never respond in a positive manner to criticism about homophobic, racist or sexist comments. In fact, they never realize why people are upset in the first place. He might want to get some of his fellow NBA players to join him and see the effects that prejudice can have on people especially the shorties.