Tuesday, September 15th, 2009 at
What is it with amputees and domestic abuse these days? Some of these cats are overdoing it with the rageahol. It seems like only yesterday that Def Leppard’s Rick Allen was nailed for spousal abuse at LAX. That made no sense. Why didn’t his wife just run in clockwise circles around him to avoid the beatdown? I’m not saying she was asking for it but it seems easy enough to get away from a one-armed beatdown. You and me, girl. Hey hey!
One can see the difficulty in getting away from sprinter Oscar Pistorius. He may have no legs but he does have both arms. He was charged with assault for an incident that allegedly took place during a party he was hosting at his Pretoria house.
Pistorius, 22, said in a statement that he asked the woman to leave the party. Unhappy with this, she began kicking the door which broke, injuring her.
“I categorically deny that I in any way assaulted,” the woman, Pistorius said.
Ah the old door attack defense. If they get the jump on you, they can do some real damage just like a wall running into your face multiple times. We kid, we kid. Presumed innocent until guilty. It’s not like we’re talkin’ bout France. Ragin’ amputees and hermaphrodites. It’s just another week in South African track and field.
Tuesday, January 20th, 2009 at
If you feel like fucking, well come on. It’s up to you! Actually it isn’t if you’re staying in Swaziland during next year’s World Cup in South Africa. The Swazi police took time out from finding new teenage wives for the king in order to ban prostitution thanks to a law that’s been on the books since the 1800s.
All is not lost for our soccer fans cum sex tourists.
“During the 2010 World Cup tournament, we are expecting tourists from all walks of life,” [Bongani Dlamini, a spokesman for the local organising committee] said. “After we have taken a decision on prostitution, we will then make a statement or even advise the tourists accordingly.
“For example, when a tourist who needs the services of a sex worker arrives and finds that prostitution is prohibited, we will advise him accordingly that he has to propose for love to a Swazi girl first and then consent for sex.”
“Yeah whatever. Sure I love you. Now take off your shirt.” If that’s all it takes to get some Swazi love for the night, I’ll go one step further in taking it back to the old school. A guy I knew in college used to ask his hookups if they wanted a pizza then bail after the deed. Hookers take pizza in lieu of cash, right? A Domino’s Pizza has to be worth more than 100,000,000 Swazi Lilangeli. Oh wait, that’s Zimbabwe. Imagine if I gave her Little Caesar’s. Two pizza pizzas? Two chicks at the same time. Beautiful.
Monday, July 21st, 2008 at
Leopard taking down a crocodile. It doesn’t get much better than this. This picture along with the others was taken at a South African game preserve by Hal Brindley, an American wildlife photographer. The leopard attacked the croc in the water and dragged it onto land where it finished the croc off by suffocating it. See the other pictures here.
Wednesday, March 26th, 2008 at
It’s never a good idea to get shitfaced and start trouble when a rugby team is on the same flight. Don’t believe us? Ask the assclown who found out the hard way on a Quantas flight.
South African rugby squad The Stormers were asked to get involved when a unruly, drunk passenger wouldn’t simmer down on a flight from Sydney to Perth.
“He became extremely aggressive and abusive,” team representative Frikkie Erasmus told the Cape Town Argus. “That’s when one of the Stormers calmed him down with a good klap. It worked out quite well.”
Why the hell do they spell klap with a k? Who knows. They probably have diplomatic immunity or something.
The passenger “remained in time-out mode” for the rest of the flight. We’re guessing he was out like when KRS beat down the fat guy from PM Dawn. He was arrested upon the flight’s arrival in Perth.
Wednesday, October 24th, 2007 at