We could sit here and ask ourselves why Cristiano Ronaldo has a naked picture of himself on his wall but there’s no point. It’s exactly what you’d expect someone like him to have in his house and force you to admire during every visit.

The architect who designed the 28-year-old winker’s palace in Madrid said: “Cristiano had all the clichés you can imagine. “Why would he want a grand piano? I think it’s because of the things some people miss out on as children.

“He must have seen it in one of the rich people’s homes in Miami Vice and thought he should have the same.”

“Mr. Torres, I would like the ultimate in douchebaggery. Spare no expense.”

Ronaldo also has ceiling mirrors throughout his house presumably so he could see himself trying to catch herpes from Paris Hilton or just look at himself when no one else is around to feed him compliments.

Ronaldo’s architect apparently goes by the name Mr. Torres. One can only assume he comes from the Mr. Brainwash school. It’s like the Belichick coaching tree for artists. Banksy must be a proud father.

If there’s one thing anti-racism organization Kick It Out should take away from this incident, it’s never trust a man that wore a jheri curl in 1992. Paul Elliott resigned his position from Kick It Out, the FA’s judicial panel and UEFA’s football committee after using a racial slur.

Ex-Celtic and Chelsea star Paul Elliott, a leading light of the Kick It Out campaign, made the slur against another former player, Richard Rufus.

Elliott, 48, launched the broadside in a text argument over a business venture that went wrong. He wrote to Rufus: “Ur a stupid man n*****” then added: “You dog. Ur history my friend.”

The row ended with Elliott, recently made a CBE for services to equality and diversity in the game, warning: “This will follow you scumbag.”

Wait, did I say that out loud? What I had meant to say was embigger not what you thought I said. I texted it? Fuck. Well then my phone was hacked? That’s all I got.

Elliott did the only thing he could after claiming the conversation was between two black people which was resign. He shouldn’t be out of work too long. He’ll get a bid to rush Chelsea Headhunters before too long.

Barcelona wore those away kits that made them look like walking cans of Five Alive against AC Milan and played accordingly. They return home down two goals after a stunning defeat at the San Siro earlier today. Mario Balotelli, Robinho and the rest of their crew sent them on their way with their impression of an early 90s hip hop video. I’d love to know what that girl said to them. I’m guessing the Italian equivalent of “Y’all gettin’ some tonight”. Commence bouncing with joy.

H/T to Footy Memes

Why the hell not? Snoop has seemingly undergone as many transformations and name changes as Puffy but somehow doesn’t come off as pretentious or annoying unless you’re Bunny Wailer. His current incarnation as Snoop Lion is a bit interesting but ultimately irrelevant in the large scheme of all things Snoop Dogg. He’s a rapper, reggae artist, pee wee football coach and now wants to be a mascot for Celtic when they walk out against Juventus in next week’s Champions League match.

Mr. Lion/Dogg/Doggfather/Doggy Dogg doesn’t just want to watch the game live. He wants to walk out with the team as one of their mascots. This role is usually filled by children but he doesn’t care.

Speaking to the Sunday Mail, he said: ‘It’s the one I need to go to. It’s the game we’ve been waiting for.

‘I need tickets but I want to walk out with the team like a little kid with the banner. Yes, yes, make it happen.

‘Hail, hail the Celts are here. Yabadabadoo!’

Little did you know that The Flintstones were massive Celtic supporters during the Stone Age along with Rod Stewart and Billy Connolly.

It’s unlikely that Snoop will get his wish to be a mascot no matter how much he wants it. However the possibility of him walking out with Celtic while holding hands with Gary Hooper or Victor Wanyama makes this game a must-watch besides the chance of a Celtic upset over both legs.

It’s possible we’ll get around to doing a Champions League knockout round preview here but don’t hold us to it. Chelsea don’t play until Thursday so it’s not like I don’t have time.