The celebrations right after Real Madrid’s 1-0 Copa del Rey win over Barcelona must have been something else. Imagine all that champagne, greasy hair and tanning product in one locker room. How else can you explain Sergio Ramos dropping the trophy off the open-top bus during the parade? If that’s not good enough for you, stick around for the bus running over the trophy after he drops it.
This is the type of situation that one expects from Stanley Cup winners. It’s almost disappointing when you don’t hear some story about that trophy being used as a hat, toilet, drinking utensil or weapon. Imagine what Real will do to the Champions League trophy if they win it. My money’s on Ronaldo giving it the herpes he picked up from banging Paris Hilton.
That must be the reason why Manchester City’s Mario Balotelli is such an immature asshole. It wouldn’t be surprising if the guy giving him the V-sign is a City supporter let alone a Manchester United fan. Even his own teammates and manager have had it with his antics. He can’t even have a minor parking incident without the hoi polloi letting him have it. Not surprising he can’t park a car. He can’t even put a bib on without incident.
We’re pretty sure the England manager and his assistant Franco Baldini would like to be up in Miss Wales’ ass like Dr. Dre. If either of them get that, it might look a little something like this.
You can’t keep a good ho down especially on her birthday. What does a ho eat on her special day? Hoecakes of course! Jenny “Juici” Thompson, known only for servicing Wayne Rooney for money, celebrated her birthday with a cake commemorating their hotel rendezvous with her friend Helen Wood.
The cake came complete with champagne bottles and cash. Thompson, sorry Juici, loved the cake especially the marzipan Shrek head.
A party attendee said,
“It’s a shame there were no footballers at the party – that would have been the icing on the cake. But Jen had a great night. She looked amazing in a low-cut dress and had dyed her hair red for the occasion.”
Silly customer. He or she should know the footballers only come at the end of the night when hoes are involved. Why would they show up until it’s time for some action? There’s no reason to be around her when she’s off the clock.
Chelsea’s Didier Drogba was not about to be outdone by Shrek. His birthday/ho cake also came with some ladies on it. Since he keeps it classy, it was presented to him by three topless models. Dom Perignon, Cristal and Grey Goose flowed down an ice luge and kept everyone properly lubricated. The models ended up at Ashley Cole’s table so you know lubrication was the word of the night. Just don’t ask him to spell it.
The Sun also reports that Everton’s Jack Rodwell (strong porn name) is attemting to woo Juici by texting her naked pictures of himself. Dude, you’re doing it wrong. She’s a prostitute. Then again maybe he’s old school and wants to court her before he leaves the money on the cabinet after asking her to dress up like a schoolgirl and wear a wig like Fellaini’s. That gets him ready to roast.
** You gotta love our dated references. Since we referenced it, here’s your morning musical interlude.
Victory didn’t die with The Jacksons just as it didn’t die with Pele, Michael Caine and Sylvester Stallone. Luckily the 1990 US World Cup Team and Def Jef were there to pick up the slack. You might remember him from previous tracks such as “Give It Here” which would later become Ben Roethlisberger’s theme song. This video has everything. Half-naked players doing the running man and OJ Simpson. Did you see the Juice in the “Torture” video? I think not.
You remember that beach scene from Rocky III with Apollo and Rocky? Not anymore.
