Ryan Grant better watch his back.

Golden Balls doesn’t think you’re like the rest, Milan. He wants to make this real. Why do you think he’s giving you that Blue Steel come hither look? Don’t look now but David Beckham’s people are in talks to keep him in Italy past the end of his loan deal. He’s on fire creating and scoring goals for AC Milan. England manager Fabio Capello has said that staying in Milan will only help his chances for the 2010 World Cup. It looks like he has a new lease on life. Why is he enjoying his time in Milan so much? It could be more than the football.

The BBC’s Chris Charles and The Sun point out a new ritual that’s a hit with Beckham and his AC Milan teammates. Bum smacking. They don’t cruise the town slapping unaware homeless people like mailboxes. They smack Beckham’s ass.

Smacking Beckham’s ass brings him luck. It works so well that he’s given the team official permission to keep smacking that ass like it don’t quit.

Clarence Seedorf and Andrea Pirlo were seen playfully smacking his backside after he scored against Bologna.

And Kaka did the same as Becks notched his second goal in a 1-1 draw against Genoa last night.

Becks said: We laughed and shared a joke about it among the squad.

I hadn’t even realised Clarence had touched my backside but I’ll be happy if he does it again — because it will mean I’ve scored another goal.

So he’s formally got my permission to touch it again.

Wait until Posh hears about this. That mystery Serie C player who gives it up to all the Serie A boys in the yard must be licking his chops for a chance at that ass. Get in line, playboy.

Review of the Week [BBC Sport]

Becks: I Love Bum Smacks [The Sun]

Of course I was watching Oscar de la Hoya get beat like a rented mule instead of watching SNL. Then again, I haven’t watched that show for over a decade. No plans to start now but apparently they drop the humorous every once in a while.

After that 38 to 7 raping that the Steelers gave the Ravens, Ray Lewis tried to put a positive spin on the game. “It ain’t hard to correct what’s wrong. Just don’t turn the ball over and make people beat us,” linebacker Ray Lewis said. “They got the ball four times inside the 30. You can’t do that and play championship football.”

Losing like this must make Ray long for the good ole days, like when he won a super bowl. Sadly, even that was a bitter victory since Trent Dilfer went to Disney World and not he even though he got the Super Bowl MVP. That snub did open the door for this, he had his own Disney cartoon movie. Oh you missed that? Well enjoy…

What a classic SNL TV FunHouse skit…