So let me get this straight because I’m a bit confused. Shaq never had any problems with Kobe. That whole feud was made up like a wrestling feud. According to him, Phil is the Vince McMahon of the NBA.

“I think it was all designed by Phil,” he said. “Because, if you think about it, Phil never called us into the office and said, `Both of you, shut the (heck) up.’ Never did that in four years. He knew that when I read something, I was going to get upset. And he knew Kobe was going to always come out and play hard.

Phil was the one who told Kobe to sell Shaq out to the police in Colorado? The Kobe-Shaq feud was created to motivate the team? That’s some evil genius shit right there. He might as well sit on the bench petting a white cat while throwing Chris Mihm out on the floor and laughing to himself.

Big Aristotle must think no one was paying attention to his last season with the Lakers or his first season with the Heat. Let’s run down the list of Kobe disses with a bit of help from Shaq Quotes.

“My personal opinion is, how, if you never hung out with somebody, do you know them so well? I never hung out with that dude because the dude is a weirdo.”

“Let’s put it in old movie Mafia terms. There are guys that are in position to get by but they didn’t wait their turn. They back-doored the top guy to get the power. For example, Sonny Corleone went up there, and he wanted to be the top guy. And the Godfather said, ‘You know what dude, I’m a star.’ That’s what I’m doing now, and that’s what I was trying to do with what’s-his-name.”

“I’m not the one buying love. He’s the one buying love.” (On a ring – reportedly costing several million dollars – that Kobe Bryant bought for his wife, Vanessa, after he was charged with felony sexual assault.)

ESPN: Do you ever see the day where it would be possible for you to sit down, have a talk with Kobe Bryant?
SHAQ: Who?
ESPN: Kobe Bryant.
SHAQ: You know what I am not familiar with that name, I know a lot of names and I have a lot of names in my head, but I am not familiar with that name. Especially if there is nothing to talk about, I’m sorry I can’t recall that name.

“Kobe always tried to be a hero. But you know, as the saying goes, a hero ain’t nothing but a sandwich.”

Nah, no beef here. Shaq’s revisionism puts my freshman PASCAL professor to shame. Did I mention that he was a Holocaust denier? Seriously he was.

“Now that I look back on it, that (stuff) was kind of fun,” he said. “It really was. It was kind of fun. `What did he say, what did he say?’ I tell people if we would have had a reality show, we’d have had the No. 1 reality show in the world.

“It was fun. It was actually fun. (Assistant coach Brian) Shaw would be, `Oh, man, why did you say that?’ And then Karl (Malone) would be like, `Yo, that was (messed) up what you said,’ then we’d try to outdo each other in the game.

Too bad no one told Kobe he was in on the joke.

Alexis Miller, an aspiring Atlanta rapper known as Maryjane, who had a restraining order out on Shaquille O’Neil for stalking and threatening bodily harm has withdrawn said order.  She requested the order due to what she said were threatening phone calls and emails that Shaq sent to her, one of which was quoted in legal documents:

“I dnt no who the [expletive] u think u dealin wit u will neva be heard from one phone call is I gotta make now try me. Sho me.”

Yea, gettin close to Elijah Dukes territory with that if it was Shaq daddy there. Anyway, its not certain whether or not there was a settlement or if Miller just had a change of heart…but really, which is more likely, huh?  A little cash goes a long way my friends.

Shaq…how does her ass taste?

From Atlanta Journal Constitution

ESPN was kind enough to forward us a video of Shaq talkin about love with Mike Breen. Well kinda talkin about love, its talkin about love and not lovin someone…or something. I dunno. Anyway, to repay them for thinking of us we’re kind enough stick it up here for you all to watch. Its all part of some new ESPN Here’s what ESPN/NBA deal where they put players in an RV with anchors and coaches and they talk about…um. stuff. I’m gonna post the video they sent along and what ESPN had to say about it after the video. Amazingly we got no money for this…although we shoulda:

Every NBA season is a journey. The “Your NBA Destination” campaign captures the spirit of this yearly journey by squeezing the NBA’s best players and our own ESPN anchors together, inside one tiny RV, for basketball’s greatest road trip.
In this 2nd year of the campaign, 9 new TV spots will focus on weird, funny, memorable moments with our ESPN anchors and the NBA’s best together, on the road, in the RV.

In addition, over 30 unique web videos were created to actually give fans a seat in the RV. To make the videos, we mounted tiny “lipstick” cameras inside the RV, loaded it up with all-stars and anchors, and kept the cameras rolling for three days straight. From Shaq playing solo Twister, to D-Wade singing, the videos give fans access to a side of these players and anchors they’ve never seen, and act as a video journal of the best moments on the road.

New videos will be released as the season progresses and the RV travels to different ESPN telecasts. All the videos will eventually be hosted on espn.com/yourNBAdestination.

On espn.com/yourNBAdestination fans can follow along and interact with the RV road trip all season long – plus be reminded of games via an interactive map that plots the course of the RV in real time.

The videos on the site provide fans multiple camera angles to cut around the RV as they watch each clip. All the videos on the site are available for fans to download or post on their blogs and websites.

Aw shucks. Bears receiver Brandon Lloyd has no problem admitting that sensitive thugs need hugs too. Apparently “they don’t love him like you do when they hug him”.

B. Lloyd is “throwing pies in hater’s faces” and spitting game at the ladies on his new single “She All Mine” which features Bobby Valentino.

Unlike other athletes-cum-rappers, B. Lloyd is all about being the sensitive playa while keeping his game tight like a virgin if you will.

“‘She All Mine’ is about a man who feels that his relationship with his lady is about more than the lovemaking.” Lloyd said in a statement. “I knew Bobby Valentino’s voice would be a perfect fit for the song and he blessed me by being willing to grace the song of an up-and-coming artist. Not everyone is willing to do that.”

R. Kelly took time out from pissing on a schoolgirl to laugh at B. Lloyd’s silly notions about love. I guess that makes him better than Musiq Soulchild who seems to think he can get the girl by going into the friend zone. Great strategery.

His album Masters of Ceremony, which is complete according to his website, will be out in February of next year. You can pick up the single on iTunes. You know George Michael loves him some B. Lloyd and probably picked the new hotness the day it was released.

I don’t know if this measures up to Dana Barros, Cedric Ceballos and Sadat X. Who knows if he ranks with Shaq, Prime Time or Tony P? He seems to think so. Wrappin’ up your dome like Osama as one does.

Via Black Voices

He also eats chicken cause that’s how Surinamers do. With rhymes like those, it’s no wonder Liverpool’s Ryan Babel is in the fat Spanish waiter’s doghouse. He can’t get a start and if he wants to know why, he might start with his rapping.

He’s not mumbling. He’s rapping in Dutch. Here’s your translation:

Rapping is my hobby
Rappers don’t want trouble
I’m the Liverpool star those bitches are loving
I know what time it is – I’ve just bought a new watch
I’ll give you a punchline: eight seconds, you’ll be knocked down
Towel in the ring
My family in the V.I.P
No caviar for us, Surinamers eat chicken
Ya’ll know nothing: this is the Premier League
Representing the G
You can see this nigga with number 19
Ya’ll can fuck off, I fuck with a whole team
Ya’ll can talk, but you don’t get anything with it
Ya’ll can’t be like me, my status is too high
If rappers come to close, I have to take space
People watch YouTube to learn my actions
I have those skills, try some tricks
I was a poor nigga
Now I make fucking money
I went from the Euro to the English pound
I put money in my pocket, now I spend money on nothing
I like it this way, I’m sure you like it
If somebody want beef, well come on
I like it with some pepper, homie
I’m sure in my life
Give me the fucking ball, you lose both legs
And now my competition is past
If you hate me because of that, I say you’re right
If I was you, I would hate me too
I have the shit homie
I can’t even spend all my money
Keep your daughter in sight. or you will be my family
I’ll take your daughter and let her make clean
101 Barz – this is the first time but I came hard!
I came alone, I don’t have a back-up
I came because I mean it
Check it

We shouldn’t come down on him too hard. This isn’t nearly as bad as the abortion spewed out by Andy Cole. Nevertheless he should stick to soccer and leave the rapping to experts like Kobe** and Shaq.

**Sweet baby jesus, this is the first time I’ve seen that Kobe video. That’s a Rwanda-level atrocity.