Bleeding from the ass? That’s a scandal. He should have stopped at 14 “beatings from the cane“.
Sex Scandal Archives
Newsday has an interesting post that’s pretty relative with the Elliot Spitzer sex scandal all over the news. Its a Top 6 Sports Sex Scandals list. Somehow Mark Chmura wasn’t included though…
Fuck Christmas. This really is the most wonderful time of the year. NFL training camps open. The Premiership starts up again. Some athletes are in mid-season form and don’t need training camps or preseason matches. Allow the Deuce to introduce you to Gary O’Connor of newly-promoted Premiership side Birmingham City.
O’Connor decided to kick off the new season by having a drunken orgy with four hookers and three of his boys. He and a friend picked up the ladies of the evening up for £1,000 in a Birmingham massage parlor and took them back to their hotel across town where it was on like Donkey Kong. Incidentally, the hotel room was booked in the name of a Spurs player who talked shit about Birmingham players after turning his back on a transfer to the Blues this summer.
“…The orgy turned ugly when £2.7million-rated O’Connor—whose pregnant fiancée Lisa is expecting their second child—pulled one of the vice girls by the hair and swore at her after she had stripped off … The girls had intercourse and oral sex in the suite, on the bed and in the bathroom. Afterwards they returned to the club where they worked and complained to regulars about the way they were treated.”
Eyewitnesses at the massage parlor had O’Connor acting like a drunken douchebag before the incident.
“He was so drunk he started giving it large, bragging about how he was this top footballer. But I think I was the only bloke in the place who had recognised him.”
Orgies and roasting are so passé. How much longer until soccer players start making it rain? In the meantime, O’Connor would do best to remember these words. “My family mean everything to me and I will do all I can to make them happy. Family for me comes above all else.”
It shouldn’t be too hard to remember those words. He said them. Brilliant!
The Redskins signed Fred Smoot this offseason, bringing back to DC one of the games greatest talkers…and party throwers. But you wouldn’t know it would you? You really haven’t heard a peep from Smoot at all this offseason? Has one of the few personalities that we have drafted on our team finally mellowed out a bit? I hope not for the Redskins’ defense’s sake. Let us take this quiet time though to remember the quotes of the younger, more brash Fred Smoot. The man who actually has a web page devoted SOLEY to his quotes! Here we go:
“They might as well put us on BET, on Christmas Eve, and call it the “We Got Screwed Bowl.” (on getting snubbed on a bowl at MSU)
“75 percent of the world is covered by water. The rest is covered by Smoot.”
“They say the world is covered by 3 quarters water and 1 quarter Smoot.”
“If they throw me the ball, I will catch it. I missed a couple picks today, so don’t tell Coach Spurrier I said that.”
“I have one of the rookies carry my gear off the field every day. That’s what rookies do. That’s what I had to do. And that’s what they’re going to keep on doing. So if you want to come to the NFL, you’re going to have to carry my stuff.”
“Well, in Jackson (Miss.) where I’m from, they don’t call it the ‘Home of Fred Smoot.’ So I’m wondering what’s going on! ” (about Brett Favre’s hometown)
“My mama and I had arguments and I couldn’t even fight back. But the jaw is fine. It’s not a glass jaw, it’s made of steel.” (about his broken jaw)
“You can’t get glass without it going through a lot of changes and then it comes out smooth. I am that smooth part right now.” (about returning to DC)
“I would love to be a Viking… But I am nobody’s bench rider. Fred Smoot is a starter.”
“Man….most people don’t even understand me when I speak English.” (on learning Chinese)
“They’re killing my name. Point blank. Somebody’s going to have to pay for it.” (on being included in the sex boat scandal…before he was charged with indecent conduct, disorderly conduct and lewd or lascivious conduct and before he pleaded guilty to misdemeanor disorderly conduct and to being a public nuisance on a watercraft while paying a $1,000 fine, performing 48 hours of community service and had 30-day jail sentences stayed for a year. Apparently, that someone who paid was he.)
Tony Kornheiser: Fred Smoot?
Get back to talkin’ Fred. DC, nay, THE WHOLE WORLD needs you.
So many stories on the web, so little time to blog about them all, so the Deuce is dropping a deuce of links on you, hope you find them as entertaining as us:
- David Arquette shows his love of the ganja!!! while throwing out the first pitch at a Cubs game: TonyPierce.com
- Sex Scandal Teachers starting lineup: Stucknut/Barstoolsports
- Jovanate & Andy McDonald teach you wild and crazy pogo hopping tricks Euro stylie!: Youtube
- Koren Robinson is on work release, tried to lobby to be a janitor at the Miller Plant, instead working at a hospital: JS Online
- Somebody should tell Elton Brand he plays for the Clippers: LA Times
- List of the Top 10 Sports commercials of all time…and yet, no Terry Tate appears?? I call shenannigans!!!: SportsBusinessRadio
And speaking of Terry Tate…