Isiah can’t O.D. right and now he can’t even call in sick right. The only way to make this right is reinstall him as Knicks coach before the opener.

Rubbed down with spices or beat with a 8-inch sausage? Potato, Potahto. Let’s call the whole thing off.

We can’t do this story justice so we’ll just give it to you straight, no chaser.

FRESNO, Calif. — A stranger broke into a home east of Fresno, rubbed spices on the body of one of two men as they slept and used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man in the face and head before he fled, Fresno County sheriff’s deputies said Saturday.

Lt. Ian Burrimond said a suspect was found in a nearby field and taken into custody. Deputies, he said, had no problem linking a suspect to the crime: “It seems the guy ran out of the house wearing only a T-shirt, boxer shorts and socks, leaving behind his wallet with his ID.”

Arrested was a 22-year-old Fresno resident.

The spices and the sausage, Burrimond said, were taken from the victims’ kitchen.

He said money that had been taken was recovered, but the sausage was discarded and eaten by a dog. “That’s right, the dog ate the weapon,” Burrimond said.

I don’t know how they get down in Fresno but if this is the regular, it’s no wonder David Carr is so gun-shy. I’d hate to go to sleep wondering if I’ll make it through the night without being assaulted with food. However if I have to be thrashed with food, I prefer the pig and salted meats above all others.

Since we didn’t give you the visual hotness this story deserves and Metropolitan Seafood refuses to have the cow, lobster and chicken carry the pig on their shoulders, we give you Straight, No Chaser by the Thelonious Monk Quartet live from Paris, 1969.

Via The Seattle Times

If the NBA was run like a fantasy league, both trades involving Kwame Brown would have been vetoed by every team in the league and the person who owned him would be subjected to a Zimbabwe level of abuse for attempting such a thing. However this is real life and apparently anything like lopsided Kwame Brown trades fly in the NBA.

The Miami Herald reports that the Heat could be interested in acquiring Brown as a free agent. They could offer him a bucket of shrimp that’s been sitting on Collins Ave for three weeks but they would probably have better luck offering him some French dressing.

Brown must have pictures of Pat Riley in a compromising position. Why else would the Heat be interested in signing him? Agent Mark Bertelstein claims to have talked to the Heat about Brown (who is his client) as well as Jannero Pargo and Roger Mason who recently signed with the Spurs. Maybe Brown is being offered as part of a package deal for Pargo. Maybe the Heat could have sign Brown just so he can get with Star Jones. It’s probably easier for Dwyane Wade to refocus and get back to being good if her crab ass isn’t around. I’m going with that theory.

Maybe we spoke too fast. We brought you the story of the Long Island parents who tried to cook their baby in the car during the Kentucky Derby on Monday. Ex-Minnesota Viking Darrion Scott is not about to give up the Parent of the Year Award without a fight.

Scott was arrested after putting a dry cleaning bag over the head of his 2-year old son and holding him down while he kicked and screamed. The mother came to pick the boy up and heard him screaming.

She said the boy was on his back on the floor, his legs kicking and that Scott was holding the bag tightly around the boy’s neck.

Scott was charged with third-degree assault, domestic assault by strangulation and endangerment of a child. He claimed he was playing with the boy and he “wanted to see if the boy could get the bag off his head by himself”. What the fuck?

This isn’t the first time Scott has been suspected of child abuse.

[The mother] told police she had evidence of previous injuries while the child was in Scott’s care. A doctor who examined the boy said there is a reasonable degree of medical certainty that marks on the boy’s arm and ear were intentionally inflicted and were consistent with either burning or being struck.

How children manage to stay with abusive parents is beyond me. People always talk about an overburdened system but how many times do people in the know look the other way? One can only hope the mother reported the previous incidents to the authorities so they could do nothing.

Here’s hoping Scott gets molested in jail if found guilty. I’m not sure who would do it. Maybe some big Green Mile looking muthafucka. Perhaps Kamala the Ugandan Headhunter could be introduced into the general population. That Kamala concept wasn’t racist. Not at all.

WTF? Have they ever heard any player from Liverpool speak? They should be required to take English lessons as well.