Hopefully you’re in a food coma or drinking yourself into Bolivian. We weren’t going to post anything until Monday but our visual palates need to be cleansed after that disaster of a halftime show imposed on us during the Seahawks-Cowboys game by the NFL. Blind rage barely begins to describe the feeling running through me as I watched a bunch of screaming girls cheer on the Jonas Brothers. This is how post office and factory shootings start. I couldn’t find the remote so I started hoping that my face would melt like Toht’s in Raiders of the Lost Ark. No such luck. I was left shaking my fist with impotent rage. Not that I’m impotent, ladies. I’m all man. Please believe me!

You, my friend, could use some fun after the unpleasantness. Big fun. This video brilliance should help you start coping with what took place this afternoon at Texas Stadium. Don’t forget it. Never forget it. Santayana was right. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. There are so many reasons why this video is amazing. Try Telly Savalas, smoking and Howard Cosell for starters.

For the hundredth time, someone needs to put us on to where we can get some Players Club cards.

Not much has been heard of Shaun Alexander this off-season other than his agent guaranteeing that he will be playing somewhere in 2008…although some in Seattle might say that not much has been heard of Shaun Alexander since the beginning of last season before he pretty much disappeared from relevance on the football field. Well, Shaun has resurfaced as the “virtual host” of HGTVPro.com’s Builders Football league, a weekly pick ‘em league for contractors, remodelers, and home improvement enthusiasts.

Online at the “BFL big screen,” fans can watch exclusive interviews with Alexander, who is the Seahawks all-time leading rusher and was the NFL’s MVP in 2005. Videos include candid commentary on his favorite football moments, his memories playing college ball at the University of Alabama, and even his passion for environmentally friendly building. “I’ve always been interested in home improvement and green construction, so hopefully I’ll learn a few things through this connection to the guys at HGTVPro!” he added.

Yes, I’m sure he’s really excited about this development. Shaun has to do something about his agent. Certainly a former NFL MVP and star running back can do better than sponsoring a HGTV spin-off site while sitting around waiting for his phone to ring? Is he really that much of a d-bag or is it that sponsors can’t stand his Jebus talk and running out of bounds before he’s hit like the rest of us?

Awww! Seahawk WR Bobby Engram’s too shy to tell his coach Mike Holmgren that he choo-choo chooses him in person so he thought he would drop off a letter early before practice. It didn’t work for Ralph Wiggum so Engram’s chances aren’t looking too good.

“I kind of enjoy that,” Holmgren kidded. “It means he graduated from college and he can type.”

The letter is assumed to contain Engram’s demands for mo’ money**. He dropped the letter off and left before the start of minicamp.

Engram wants a new deal from the Seahawks however the team wants him to play out this coming season before negotiating a new deal. He’s coming off a career season in which he had 1147 yards. Woo. He did attend a mandatory camp last Friday. Chad Johnson called to call him a sellout.

It doesn’t seem as though Holmgren is too concerned. He said that Engram “is an emotional player” so this isn’t unexpected. Hopefully there will be videotape of the moment Engram’s heart breaks when Holmgren tells him that he’s not getting what he wants.

**You thought you were getting Stacey Dash, didn’t you?

Great news for Cincinnati police blotter watchers! Odell Thurman’s back in the league. You can’t let a solid criminal like Chris Henry leave without replacing him. That’s just good personnel work by Marvin Lewis and Bengals management. It’s almost the Thunderdome way. One man enter, one man leave. They’re visionary like Bill Walsh. Their core of criminals policy is as innovative as the West Coast offense.

The Seattle Seahawks know a great system when they see it. They have yet to master the criminal revolving door but they’re getting there. It’s an added bonus when you can replace a departing player from within the organization. Exit Jerramy Stevens. Enter Rocky Bernard.

Bernard was arrested for assaulting his ex who is also the mother of his child in a nightclub parking lot on Monday morning.

The former girlfriend and a friend said they saw Bernard, who turned 29 on Saturday, in an “altercation” with another woman at Ibiza, a club at 528 Second Ave. Bernard then walked toward the former girlfriend and punched her in the forehead with a closed fist, causing her head to strike a glass divider, according to a police report.

The victim, 22, and friend told police they ran to a car to get away. Bernard allegedly followed them as they shut the car doors and pounded the windows as they drove away, according to a police report.

In a strange way, his ex must feel a bit of pride knowing that Bernard would drop an altercation with another woman just to start one with her. It’s clear he’s not over her yet.

The Bengals must be wondering how Bernard slipped under their radar. Maybe they tried to sign him but the attraction of foam parties in Ibiza was too strong to resist.