MLB.com just put out their top 50 prospects list and well collected it is.  I’m psyched the Nationals have 2 people on it, for realz son!  Whenever i look at lists of players like this though, i can’t help but poke a little fun at some of this year’s new crop of possible MLB superstars names.  Juvenile?  For sure.  Bad habit?  Yup.    Lets look at a few guys that should be the number one prospects in our hearts, if only from their names.

10. Madison Bumgarner – I envision this guy to look like on of the old guys from Trading Places. I know he PROBABLY doesn’t. But it’d be great to have a kid coming up that looks like a 50 year old rich white man. Just with that name he could sit right beside Randolph and Mortimer with a cocktail in one hand and a cigar in another. “Looking good Madison!” “Feeling Good, Louis!”

11. Carlos Santana – His walking to the plate music has GOT to be “Oye Como Va” since it loosely translates to “Check this out”, like “Check out this home run I’m about to blast”. When he hits a home run, i will expect Karl Ravech to shout out “ABRAXIS!!” on Baseball Tonight, even though I haven’t watched that show since the MLB Network came into existence. This kid has about a million nicknames built into his name being shared with the esteemed guitarist. Personally, I think he should be called “Jugando” after the track on Santana’s album “Moonflower”. Not only the final part to a badass 3 part medley, it also means “at play”. Apropos no?

22. Starlin Castro – I’ve never been more divided about a name ever. Castro is always badass since he shares the last name with a ruthless dictator. On the other hand, Starlin is sort of a cross between a fish and a luminous ball of plasma. No idea how your parents think that is a good idea. Maybe its a family name. Or maybe they’re just a fan of comic books.

30. Yonder Alonso – If ever a name cried out for a new version of the classic “Who’s on First” sketch it could be Yonder.

“Who’s Alonso?”
“Yonder”
“I didn’t ask where, I asked who!”
“Who?”
“Alsono!”
“Yonder?”
“ARRRGH!”
/punch in face

39. Tanner Scheppers – What an odd name. It sort of sounds like an alcoholic beverage. I do not know why. Just odd. But I like it.

50. Jaff Decker – Jaff just sounds like a name out of Star Wars or something. Like Dack was or Wedge or Biggs…basically he sounds like an X-Wing pilot and that, in and of itself, is AWESOME.  He has a lot to live up to.

It was “Hear Come The Judge” time in Clark County as Tim Lincecum appeared to face marijuana possession charges. He managed to get off with a reduced drug paraphernalia charge and a $513 fine in addition to previously paid fines.

“I’ll try not to let this happen again,” Lincecum said, standing just a few feet in front of the judge in the cramped courtroom. “I just want to move forward and continue my life.”

At that, Lincecum’s attorney, Gary Metro, jumped in to profusely thank the judge for his handling of the case.

I’ll try to try my best on this one but I can’t promise anything. That’s the spirit! It would probably help if Lincecum didn’t show up in court looking strung out. Scott Weiland salutes his vigor.

If you somehow missed it, yesterday, former Oakland Athletics and St. Louis Cardinals’ slugger Mark McGwire announced that he used steroids off and on for 10 of years of his playing career. Interestingly enough, from my perspective, most of the press on McGwire coming out and admitting his steroid use seems to be leaning slightly on the positive side while mostly settling down in the “ho-hum, no duh, who cares” category of news. I couldn’t help but think that since there has been such little backlash for McGwire coming out of the steroids closet now might just be the time for Barry Bonds to do so as well?

Deebo couldn’t take the Cube out as much as he tried. That muthafuckin snake though… Too bad Omar Vizquel wasn’t on that boat with J-Lo and the rest of the crew. He might have been able to save them from the anaconda if Jon Voight didn’t take him out first.

Vizquel went to Venezuela where he used his time to catch anacondas with his bare hands.

“This thing is 11 or 12 feet long,” Vizquel said. “You’ve got to find the tail and pull it out of the water and bring it to safe territory. It is dangerous in and out of the water, but you have to maneuver yourself to stay behind it. Once you’re behind it, you grab it by the back of the neck.

“It’s a fun thing.”

No it’s not. You know how this starts? In the words of the late Big Pun, “Snake bite, marijuana, anaconda!” It starts with a couple drinks and some tweed. The next thing you know, you’re digging for anacondas. You know what’s fun? The Austin Carr drinking game. Hanging with Steve Urkel and speeding down the road to an amazing blow job in a car filled with wine coolers and bear claws. That’s fun. Risking death by playing that Flash Gordon game of sticking your hands into the unknown and hoping you don’t end up being bitten and/or slowly digested by a large snake. Not fun.

Who says there are no more performance enhancing drugs in baseball? San Francisco Giants’ minor league shortstop Brian Bocock missed most of last season because of a circulatory problem in his hand but he is all better now thanks, in part, to…Viagra.

“The doctors had me on baby aspirin, anti-inflammatories, blood thinners, and, well … Viagra,” Bocock said, sheepishly.
“It was a low dose – just 25 milligrams – but I had to take it every day,” Bocock said.
“I can’t imagine what 100 milligrams does to you.”

Since Viagra increases blood flow, it helped out the condition in his hand…and elsewhere apparently. I wonder if Rafael Palmeiro would decline that he used the drug while playing like he did the ‘roids unlike Mr. Bocock here. Kudos to admitting that you used the stiffy picker upper. Bocock’s got a bright future ahead of himself in baseball, or, with a name like that, in the pornography industry. So long as Bocock’s Bocock isn’t as small as his batting average.

From Mercury News Blogs
Photo from AP Photo by Jeff Chiu