Woof woof muthafuckas. It was nice knowing you, Ookie. Michael Vick’s co-defendant Tony Taylor decided to flip and accept a plea offer from prosecutors. Of course, this means he has agreed to spill everything he knows about the dog-fighting operation which will include Vick’s involvement.

Prosecutors claim Taylor, 34, found the Surry County property purchased by Vick and used it as the site of “Bad Newz Kennels,” a dogfighting enterprise. The Hampton man also allegedly helped purchase pit bulls and killed at least two dogs that fared poorly in test fights.

Ron better hope that his herp-herp keeps his fellow prisoners off that ass. Hope he’s still working out cause he’s going to need those evasive skills if he drops the soap.

Woof woof muthafucka. You know the times are ill when Roger Goodell is putting in more work than the attorney general. Well I’m assuming that Goodell hasn’t bum rushed Arthur Blank in bed like John Ashcroft. “Don’t sentence the boy. I will…”

The Washington Post reported that Commish Goodell appointed a former U.S. Deputy Attorney General’s Uncle’s Cousin’s Brother’s Undersecretary’s Roommate Eric Holder to investigate Falcons QB Michael Vick for beating down dogs. Somewhere in Charlotte David Carr is asking why an investigation wasn’t opened on the suspects who beat him down like a pitbull for the past five years.

What does Goodell think he will find out? It isn’t enough to wait for the resolution of the case against Vick? What’s Holder going to find out that current federal prosecutors won’t? Maybe he’ll start calling Holder E.H. and making him show up for meetings in a helicopter. Maybe the two of them will conduct their own investigation along with Gene Upshaw playing the role of Rick because the federal prosecution is taking too long.

Hopefully Goodell will bring his evidence to VA and scream that the prosecutors aren’t doing enough and that he’ll take the case into his own hands if they don’t move faster.

Maybe he’ll even lobby Congress to become judge, jury and executioner for any player currently in the NFL. Imagine that, no longer will a NFL player be subject to normal judicial process, all trials and punishments will be handled before and by the Commissioner. Player gets arrested, sent to Goodell’s special NFL holding cells, he will determine guilt or innocence and then hand out the punishment based on his verdict. That way NFL players will no longer clog our legal system and he can take into account the best interests of the league. This would put the fear of GOD into the players, what player would want to be sentenced to jail by their own league’s Commissoner? There’d be no way a good lawyer could get them out of trouble, he just wouldn’t care. I think this needs to happen.

Salut, my name is Marcuse and I will be your waiter for the evening. I will tell you of our special today. It is the Cop au Herpes with a side of Le Stank Vert prepared by our chef Ronald Mexico.

Oooh. Sounds delish! What’s your vin du jour?

Wine of the day.

Mmmm that sounds good. I’ll have that.

And I’ll have the ’87 Orange Jubilee.

The Deuce is sure that Michael Vick’s new restaurant The Tasting Room will receive rave reviews and three Michelin stars in no time. We can’t wait until he starts his own reality show similar to Gordon Ramsay’s F Word. Michael Vick’s H Word. Instead of cooking for a full restaurant, he tries to see how many cases of herpes and hepatitis he can spread in 44 minutes through sex with minors and contaminated glassware.