Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007 at
Wunderbar! While the rest of his Chelsea teammates including John Terry (suffering from a broken cheekbone and toe) head off to Valencia for their first Champions League match under Avram “Yes, Mr. Roman” Grant, Michael Ballack headed off to Munich to get his Oktoberfest on.
Don’t get the gout in your bad foot, Herr Ballack.
Monday, September 24th, 2007 at
It’s not so bad. It’s like the good old days where Chelsea hovered around in the top half of the table. Always teasing you but eventually breaking your heart. At least we’ll dump all the new plastics and they can return to the red tide fold where they belong.
I’ve refrained from commenting on the disaster that is Chelsea over the past week. I’ve gone through several stages over the loss of Jose Mourinho such as anger, grief and confusion. The loss of the Special One was bad enough but the pain was doubled when rumors came out that captain and supposed Jose apprentice John Terry was the one that landed the kill shot.
In an move straight out of Revenge of the Sith, Anakin Terry allegedly went above Jose’s head to management after he found out that Jose had checked with the medical staff to find out why his form was off. This infuriated Terry and word of the dispute reached Satan otherwise known as Peter Kenyon. This was all the evidence Chancellor Abramovich needed to get rid of Jose.
“You were the chosen one!”
“I hate you!!”
Nooooooo!!! It would seem the alleged heart of Chelsea has joined the dark side. However he denies that he was the “turncoat” and is considering legal action to stop the claims.
Fast forward to Sunday’s match vs. Manchester United and the debut of Slithe otherwise known as Avram Grant. The match resulted in a 2-0 defeat for Chelsea. Although the match was ruined by the ref, Chelsea looked useless and only attempted one shot on goal the entire match. Jose could have done that. The loss cost Roman GBP 8M (amount of Jose’s buyout).
The drama didn’t limit itself to the field. Marco Van Basten and Sven-Goran Eriksson were sitting near Abramovich and his gaggle of yes-men. The arrival of the current Netherlands coach would somewhat ease the pain. Could Sven be making nice with Roman this early? Does Chelsea have better secretaries than Citeh? We can only hope that Grant has a terrible run continuing with Hull on Wednesday. The more he loses, the faster someone new and better comes in to take the helm.
Did we mention that Grant’s wife thinks drinking her own piss will bring all the boys to the yard?
The times are ill.
Tuesday, August 21st, 2007 at
Controversy exploded like a president on a prime minister’s lap this past Sunday during the Liverpool-Chelsea match when Chelsea was awarded a penalty by referee Rob Styles for what later turned out to be a dive by Florent Malouda. Chelsea was able to equalize from the spot and go on to draw the match. Tubby Benitez was quite furious and Styles later apologized and was suspended.
The plot thickened when it was revealed the Styles is on the board of a construction company called Oakwood Groundworks Ltd. What’s so odd about that? It turns out Oakwood did work on Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich’s driveway last summer.
The referees association vouched for him and said that it was aware of the job and it saw no conflict of interest. However it would have been simple enough to schedule him for another game to take away the impression of a conflict.
Styles ran into controversy last year after a public spat with Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho after denying Chelsea penalties on several occasions. The row was resolved after Styles called Mourinho to apologize.
Nobody fucks with the Roman.
Sunday, March 18th, 2007 at
Irina Malandina’s only getting $300 million instead of $5 billion in her divorce settlement with Roman Abramovich. He may be worth $18 billion but that’s still a huge chunk to give up in a divorce settlement. The Deuce isn’t saying he should go all OJ on her but if she went out Chappaquiddick/Princess Di-style or had a bit of the polonium glow about her, we wouldn’t be surprised.
The Fiver came up with a great plan to get back at Roman. She should take the settlement money and buy herself a soccer team. Then she should use the money to buy John Terry and Frank Lampard as well as entice Jose Mourinho.
This would be inexcusable. At the very least, he should sucker her back to Russia where he’s a Siberian governor and do her like Mikhail Khodorkovsky.
Then again he could be like Michael Strahan and agree to a settlement that he has no intention of paying. So you gotta think about Michael’s situation. $15.3 million up front, $18,000 a month, another man drivin’ his car, fuckin’ his wife, and a house he’s still payin’ a mortgage on. Oh, he’s definitely breaking before Roman.