Great article here from the Wall Street Journal regarding the NFL personal conduct policy and the lengths which teams will go to enforce it. I encourage you to read it all but for those that don’t have the time, this might be the best nugget from the whole thing.

The increased scrutiny has taken a toll on some players, including Broncos defensive tackle Marcus Thomas. Last year, after the policy was announced, Mr. Thomas had called his agent in a panic: He said he was convinced he was being followed by “a white man in sunglasses” who had been sent by the NFL. A league spokesman says NFL security did not follow Mr. Thomas.

How awesome is that that the NFL has its players thinking that they have their own Men In White corps following them? Maybe Marcus Thomas just has an over active imagination. He just might watch too much tv in his off time. If the man in white wasn’t one of the NFL’s guys, I wonder who Thomas actually saw? Wait a minute…paranoia, mild hallucinations…Marcus better stop smokin the herb, its messin with his mind!

From Wall Street Journal

Looks like cover ups are contagious. Roger Goodell says well done, Stern.

I know a few security guards and I find most of them all to be extremely reliable sources of knowledge. I’ve found out how the NFL was fixed, how you can always win you play the right slot machines the right way in the right places in Atlantic City, and how to get a woman to do exactly what you say whenever you want. Basically, I always trust what a security guard has to say, so I trust this man who says that the Colts actually do pipe in crowd noise at the RCA Dome.

WBZ Photojournalist Bryan Foley says an unidentified RCA Dome security guard told him Sunday that the Colts do enhance the crowd noise. The guard said:

“I don’t know if you know this, but they actually pick up the crowd noise and pump it back through the P.A.”

To further their case, apparent sonics expert, the aforementioned Bryan Foley (pictured right) himself says this:

He was covering the game for WBZ-TV and claims the noise in the RCA Dome was deafening when the Patriots had the ball.

“It was almost silent when the Colts had the ball,” he said.

Well there you have it. Obviously the Indianapolis Colts cheat. A photographer and a security guard themselves have indisputable proof! Its certainly not possible the crowd was actually really loud and the fact that sound is trapped inside a dome makes it sound deafening. No…not at all. Get them on the fuckin bat-phone to Roger Goodell, STAT!

From WBZTV.com

Nah nah nah nah nah Pacman! He’s like the gift that keeps on giving. Pacman was given several traffic citations during a traffic stop last month in Tennessee. This incident seems minor compared with his other infractions but don’t you worry ’bout it. Pacman won’t let you down.

It turns out that Pacman was driving his orange Lambourghini with tags he switched from another car. Unfortunately, the other car belonged to him. He also received about 567 other tickets during that stop for all kinds of traffic violations including ones that haven’t been created yet.

I really don’t know what I’m going to do for amusement once Roger Goodell gives him the death penalty and has errand boy Gene Upshaw execute him at the 50-yard line during the Pro Bowl … What? It’s the only way anyone will watch that crap.

Things have gotten so bad in the NFL even the player’s MOTHERS are committing crimes. Dallas Cowboys’ Pro Bowl TE Jason Witten’s mother, Kimberly Witten (pictured below), has been arrested for 25 counts of forgery and theft over $1,000 from the bank account of Marie McQueen on June 22. From Tricities.com:

Police say during an interview with investigators on Monday, July 2, Kimberly Witten gave a written statement admitting to the crime.

According to investigators, Kimberly Witten said she obtained McQueen’s bank account information from a statement that was mistakenly delivered to her mailbox. Kimberly Witten said she had experienced financial difficulties and began withdrawing funds from McQueen’s account.

If it wasn’t out of control already, the NFL has now officially gotten out of control. What is Goodell going to do? He can barely control the players, their wives, or their friends let alone the player’s mothers! But the real story is, why the hell is the mother of an NFL player experiencing “financial difficulties”? What the fuck has she been doing? Alternatively, why the fuck is he not helping out his mother? There must be more to why Witten hates his mom, someone find this out. Over/under of a 2 game suspension for Witten hating his mother and not being able to keep her in check?

From Tricities.com