Tuesday, August 18th, 2009 at
Brett Favre stories are like Bebe’s kids. They don’t die, they multiply. Every time they seem to fade away, they come back thanks to someone in Minnesota called Unnamed Source. When I find Unnamed Source, I’ll make sure he never spreads any rumors again. Until then, we aren’t going to entertain any stories about potential comebacks, Mississippi practices or any other Favre-related bullshit. However, we will indulge anything that mocks him or discusses any dirt he and Mark Chmura did while in Green Bay. Let the mocking begin.
Wisconsin governor Jim Doyle began the public mocking of Favre by using his name as a punch line while announcing his decision to not run for a third term. Doyle, unlike Sarah Palin, will honor his commitment and finish out his term which ends in January 2011. He explained that he didn’t believe governors should serve more than two terms.
“I know I will regret this decision many times over the next year, but I’m not going to pull a Brett Favre on you,” he said.
It’s funny because it’s true. Pulling a Brett Favre can and should be applied to everyday situations. Try it out the next time you keep saying you’re going to leave the bar after you finish your drink but keep ordering another one. Apply it to the hookup you say you’re going to quit but find yourself balls deep in every time you have one too many roofie coladas like Sebastian Janikowski. Everyone knows that person who pulls the Brett Favre all the time. You can even make his name a verb. “I know I was gonna quit my job but I favred it and went back.” It’s a work in progress but it’s got some potential.
Thursday, March 12th, 2009 at
We don’t mean to light Andre Rison’s ass on fire but Travis Henry should be glad that Lisa “Left Eye” Lopez isn’t around. She’d have him in her “No Scrubs” sights after hearing his story about being broke cause he’s got nine children by nine different baby mamas.
Talk about baby mama drama. Henry’s child support issues are overtaking his indictment on cocaine trafficking charges. Mike Tierney of the The New York Times refers to Henry’s baby-making skills as “prolific” and indeed they are.
Attending the annual N.F.L. rookie symposium as a 2001 draft pick of the Buffalo Bills, Henry watched a skit that dramatized the repercussions of imprudent sexual activity. It might as well have been geared toward him.
Henry laughed through the sketch. “I thought, ‘That ain’t ever going to happen to me,’ ” he said.
Henry blames his lack of a father figure as well as the gold digger tendencies of the mothers for his situation. He insists that he loves his children but can’t afford to take care of them due to his current situation. He’s looking at 10 to life for the drug case and claims he can’t keep up with the child support payments. Unfortunately for him, the law doesn’t agree. Even Shawn Kemp is breathing a sigh of relief that he’s not in Henry’s situation.
Thursday, January 15th, 2009 at
There’s no need to go into Peter King’s description of his weekend in Nashville. You want a review of that? Go to KSK for Big Daddy’s FJM-style breakdown. Unfortunately the stupid didn’t stop after he left town. For once, Lendale White may not have been the dumbest guy in Nashville. We have Pennsyltucky to thank for exporting the stupid down to Nashville this week.
Two football coaches from a Pennsylvania college were injured Tuesday morning after they fell four stories at Gaylord Opryland Resort.
Police said the two men, Scott Coy, 29, and Darren DeMeio, 23, were wrestling shirtless in their boxer shorts when they tumbled out a window from a room in the Delta Atrium section around 4:15 a.m.
“These are really substantial, weather-resistant, double-paned plate glass windows. So (it’s a) very strange, unusual occurrence for someone to literally come crashing through them and down onto the ground below,” said Kim Keelor, Opryland Hotel spokeswoman.
Wrestling? Sure. Whatever you say, guy. I’d like to see how they explained this one away when they landed half naked on the ground covered in sweat and breathing heavily. “You see what had happened was…” Westminister College should be proud.
Coy (who obviously wasn’t playing coy) has a fractured pelvis and femur while DeMeio has a broken vertebrae. If these two assclowns could do this much damage, imagine the collateral damage if Charlie Weis or Mark Mangino were involved. Presidential limo glass couldn’t contain the Bunker Buster. Bodies everywhere on the sidewalk. Medical response teams from Memphis. Just like another day in Gaza. What? Too soon? I am ‘tary.