Redskins Archives

(Updated at 11:30am)

The Redskins have a plan and they are sticking to it…what that plan is, who knows. Lets get right into the good, bad and uuuuuugly after two days of NFL free agency:

The Good (so far)

They finally traded McNabb

Sure the Redskins traded away a 2nd and 4th round draft pick to acquire Donovan McNabb but getting possibly two 6th round picks for a guy that whose trade value they utterly decimated over the course of last season is a rather good move.

Ok, seriously, getting ANYTHING of possible value for him would have good. They could have traded the Redskins a box of Brett Favre bobbleheads and anyone in their right mind would have been thrilled.

Ok, honestly, who are we kidding, just getting McNabb off the team is good, getting something for him is merely a bonus.

[Update] They finally traded Haynesworth

Well look at this! The Redskins accepted a 5th round pick from the Patriots in exchange for Albert Haynesworth.  Pats get another troubled athlete that Belichick should be able to get the most out of for a year or two and the Redskins actually get something of value for their troubled and highly over-paid star defensive lineman.

That this happened is rather shocking. That they got a draft pick at all for him after the season and off-season that Haynesworth had is mind blowing. What is going on at Redskins Park? How are these smart trades happening?

Could this be a year without drama for once? HAHAHA, yeah right! Still, good move Redskins!

They made 2 smart free agent decisions (so far)

Signing CB Josh Wilson isn’t the flashiest signing the Redskins could’ve made for their defensive backfield, but it is one of the smarter moves they could’ve made. For just $4.5 million a year for 3 years, they get a guy who has improved every year in the league and was good enough to start on the Ravens’ top 10 ranked defense last season. Topping it all off he’s also a local guy, having played at Maryland.

While he’s not a superstar talent at the position, he is talented and he should at least be able to do what Carlos Rogers did (or didn’t do) last season. Even if he doesn’t work out, this type of player investment, at his age and price, is exactly what the Redskins need to do to fill out their roster.

They also resigned Santana Moss to a 3 year $15million dollar contract, which, in light of what Santonio Holmes and Sidney Rice got from the Jets and Seahawks respectively, looks like a perfectly sane contract for a player of Moss’ stature.

The Bad (so far)

Read the rest of this entry

Chimp’s NFL Week 3 Pick Em

Brutal week last week as I went 8-8. I am now 0 for 2 on my Picks of the Week and 1-1 on my Upset Specials. Overall, I have a lot of ground to make up on those. For the season, I am a mediocre 16-15 on my picks, which would not cover your juice if you were using these, so I must step it up for you, my non-paying blog readers. That’s right, I do it for you. However, my friends, this week…is looking like one where you can make some cash for sure, so lets get into it. As always, all lines are from TheGreek. Hot cheerleaders are twins Larisa and Marisa from the Houston Texans. Scroll to the bottom if you want to skip to the Upset Special and the Lock of the Week.

TENNESSEE +3 at New York Jets

Its been a feel good story so far this season for the Jets. Their rookie QB is making just enough plays and not making just enough mistakes to win games. They challenged then knocked in the teeth of the Patriots last week and their defense seems to be giving offenses fits. Tennessee, however, is the hard luck team of the year right now. They had Houston on the mat at 21-7 before their epic second quarter collapse and they still had a chance to win the game late. They also took defending super bowl champion Pittsburgh to overtime in the opening NFL game. This is not a bad team, they finished 13-3 last year and 10-6 the year before. They are not going 0-3. Take this pick and take it hard, hit it like Hines Ward would do to Keith Rivers’ face again.

Jacksonville at HOUSTON -4

Houston has the worst defense in the NFL, according to the NFL’s stats. Jacksonville has the 9th worst. So it is entirely possible that David Garrard actually has a decent week this week and beats the Titans. Personally, I wouldn’t bet on this game, but I think that the Texans offensive firepower will be too much for the Jaguars D and they wont be able to stop the Texans’ big play potential. Vegas thinks that people will think this game is going to be high scoring so they set the over at 47. If the score gets that high, it favors Houston in a big way. No way Jacksonville wins in a shoot-out. Take Houston and the points, when you win this bet, your friends will think you are a genius, when really, it is me…er…I…who am…er…is…uh…moving along…

Kansas City at PHILADELPHIA -9

Yes, this is a lot of points. Generally in the NFL you dont want to give a lot of points when a team could possibly be starting its #2 quarterback and #2 running back. But, here’s why you should. 1) The Chiefs are horrible and could be this year’s Detroit Lions. 2) The Eagles actually are thinking of resting Westbrook, not because he’s too injured to play, but because they don’t think they really need him this week to win because of the aforementioned reason 1 and the upcoming reason 3. 3) Backup QB Kolb wasn’t that bad last week and backup RB Lesean McCoy is probably better than starting RB Brian Westbrook. 4) The Eagle’s D is still one of the NFL’s top 10 defenses. That’s all you need to know, well except that when you win this game, women will run to you like one of Michael Vick’s dogs that wasn’t fed for a week. They can smell a winner a mile away. Note, I said winner and not wiener. See what I did there? Didn’t opt for the cheap joke…no reason to with the money we’ll be making this week.

Cleveland at Baltimore UNDER 38.5

For one to lose this under, you have to assume that both teams are going to actually score points. I, for one, do not believe the Browns will score a single point in this game, therefore, the under is the way to go here. Also, in a battle of really disgusting cities, Baltimore is better. They have that Ace of Cakes guy on TV. Who does Cleveland have, Drew Carey on the Price is Right? That guy is an abortion. He is pretty much the exact opposite of Bob Barker. Actually, before the hired him, at the production meeting, they must’ve just made a list of people that were THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF BOB BARKER and Drew Carey had to have been the top of the chart to host the show. Its the only way they thought it was a good idea, because it just isnt. I need cool smarmy, not creepy fat guy smarmy. Not the same, just terrible, and I’m saying this after he’s grown on me a bit. You should’ve heard my opinions about that fat bastard when he first took over.

WASHINGTON -6.5 at Detroit

Yeah, everyone and their mother is picking Detroit on this one. Some people will say that i’m fading the public here, but you know and I know better. I am a homer and this is the homer pick to end all homer picks. I’m saying it right here, right now…if the Washington Redskins do not beat the Lions by a touchdown, I will not pick them again this season. No matter how juicy the line is, I will have no faith in this team. NONE. Take the Redskins and the points on the road. Detroit is desperate but not as desperate as a team with Dan Snyder’s itchy trigger finger on the “FIRE THEM ALL” button. Plus their lackluster offense shouldn’t be able to score that much against the Redskins D and Stafford will be good for 1 or 2 INTS. Yes CJ is amazing, but he can’t do it alone. The ‘skins should’ve put up at least 21 points on St. Louis last week, they can do it this week. Please God let this happen…

GREEN BAY PACKERS -6.5 at St. Louis

Ok, so I blew it last week picking the Packers, I admit it. This week however, the Pack goes on the road to take on one of the worst teams in the league. I’m sure this line is affected by the 2 point loss to the Redskins last week, but we know better, right? The Pack should light up this Rams team and they will not be able to keep Aaron Rogers out of the end zone like they did poor Jason Campbell….mostly because the Packers have a coach who actually knows how to call plays. Take all of your watches, jewelry, compact discs and dvds and send them to the local pawn shop, you’ll need that cash to load up on this one. Once you win, you can go out and buy better stuff than that garbage you gave up for peanuts. Your lifestyle demands you do this.

San Francisco at MINNESOTA -7

Lot of action on San Fran in this one, so much so that the line has dropped from -8 to -6.5 in some places. Not exactly sure why though. Frank Gore is banged up and its not like he or Glenn Coffee are going to find any running room against the Vikings D. Brett Favre has been in “game manager” mode the first two weeks, but they are just waiting for a moment to unlock the cage and set the gunslinger Favre free. San Fran has been a feel good 2-0 so far this year, but their unbeaten streak ends this week. Take the Vikes, bet enough so that when you win you can personally fly down to Washington DC and shake my damn hand for providing you with the insight you need to maintain the quality of life that you are used to.

ATLANTA +4 at New England

Ok, when will people learn that New England is not what they used to be and neither is Atlanta, for that matter. This line should be flip flopped the way these two teams have played the first two weeks of the year. The line is what it is because people expect New England to break out of their funk and be what they used to be, well, guess what, they arent. Their offense cannot move the ball on the ground, their quarterback is a couple months away from major knee rehab, and their defense has gotten old QUICK while the kids that are replacing the veterans just aren’t very good yet. It may all work out for the Patriots, they could get by on cunning, guile and veteran savvy for most the year, but not this week. The Falcons have a legitimate offense that can score on anyone while their defense has dramatically improved this season. One team is trending up, one is trending down, take the one going up, the Falcons, and the points, they are mana from the Gods.

CHICAGO +1 at Seattle

Ok, so Hasselbeck has a bad rib and the Seahawks are still favored? Don’t get it, not even trying to get it, just trying to run to the bookie as soon as possible. First I must do a few things such as, refinance the house, sell my car, my wedding ring, my dog and if i had any children, they would have to go too…THEN i will have enough cash to throw at this monster. The almighty God of gambling named GAMBLOR is beckoning you to make this bet. If you listen to Him, you will be richly rewarded with one hell of a buzz from watching this game on Direct Ticket and, more than likely, it is possible for you to double your net worth in just one 3 hour game.

New Orleans at Buffalo UNDER 51.5

I am predicting it right here, this is the week that the Saints high flying points scoring offense hits a snag and they dont go over the over. Not that the Bills D is that good, they are opportunistic, but they arent good. No, the reason is because with Mike Bell injured, Pierre Thomas barely recovered from an injury and Reggie Bush being Reggie Bush, the Saints will not be able to run the ball at all, making their one dimensional offense even more one dimensional, allowing the Bills to tee off on the pass. With Fred Jackson running the ball and Trent Edwards dinking and dunking all over, the Bills’ ball control offense won’t allow the kinds of high scores we’ve seen in the past from the Saints. Take the Under and count your blessings that I was here to save you from picking one of these teams against the spread.

MIAMI +6 at San Diego

San Diego lost their mammoth DT Jamal Williams for the season on the IR and they are going up against one of the running-est (i just made that word up WOO HOO!) teams in football in the Dolphins. Sure Rivers can put points up on anyone, but LT is still hurt leaving the Dolphins D one less person to care about. I’m not saying that Miami wins this one, I doubt they will, but I do believe that San Diego isn’t going to win this by 6 points. Seems more like a 3 point game to me. Take this advice and when you win, please buy me a ticket out to Vegas, round trip…I can take care of the hotel room myself, but flights out there are pricey as hell these days. Damn!

Pittsburgh at CINCINNATI +4

I know you probably aren’t happy with this one, but let me change your mind. For one, I dont think last week against Green Bay was a fluke for the Bengals. Now, I dont think the Pack is as good as the Steelers should be, no, but the Steelers are a team with issues that we should not overlook here, especially with them on the road. One, they have a very limited running game right now. Who knows, it could blow up, but the Bengals run D has been surprisingly decent so far this year giving up just 82 yards a game. Add that to no Troy Polamalu in the defensive backfield and Palmer to Ochocinco could be in effect the entire game. If I were a betting man, I might pick the Bengals outright at +170…but I’m not so take the points and count your winnings in a Scrooge McDuck-like money bin when I am right.
DENVER -1 at Oakland

Only reason I am taking Denver here is because their defense has been doing everything right for them to win games and I don’t see that stopping against an offense prone to so many mistakes as the Raiders. This line is probably good to up to 4 points, but with Denver as a slight fave, you can take advantage and bet it medium-hard like…like…like i dunno what actually is medium-hard. If you can tell me what is medium-hard, write in and let me know. I know what wont be medium-hard though…your dickus after you win this mother. Nail it shut.

Indianapolis at Arizona UNDER 48

I struggled with this one, I really did. Both teams are definitely capable of winning this game. Indy is the most unimpressive 2-0 team in the league (next to Denver i guess) and Arizona, well they showed last week why they made it to the super bowl (their offense can be explosive, like nitroglycerin level combustion type shit). This game however, I think there will be a lot of field goals, rather than TDs, keeping the score down. Why do I think that? NO REASON WHATSOEVER. I just had to make a pick to placate you asses. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? BLOOD? …..ok….ok…just take the Under and we’ll call it a day.

UPSET SPECIAL OF THE WEEK

CAROLINA +9 at Dallas

Dallas’ defense has 0 sacks on the year, gives up on average 129 yards and 1 TD a game on the ground to running backs and has allowed 303 yards and 1 1/2 TD per game to quarterbacks. What do I smell here? I smell a get healthy game for Carolina and the UPSET SPECIAL OF THE WEEK! Even if Dallas wins their 2nd game at home, there is no way their defense keeps this score to 9 points. They will be lucky if they win by a field goal here, if they win at all. There are very few defenses out there that Jake Delhomme can feel comfortable playing right now, but this has to be one of them. Sure, Carolina’s D isnt anything to write home about right now, but Tony Romo will always screw up somehow and find a way to keep this game close. Take the road dog and never look back, don’t look back because you might get shot (thanks Truthaboutit)…speaking of that, here’s a musical interlude before the Lock of the Week.

LOCK OF THE WEEK

NEW YORK GIANTS -6.5 at Tampa Bay

Look, no bones about it (the fuck does that mean anyway?), Tampa Bay is a really, and I am talking REALLY, bad professional football team. If Byron Leftwich is your starting quarterback, because he’s actually better than everyone else on your team, then you have a bad team. When your 3rd string running back, coming off of two catastrophic knee injuries on the same knee, beats out a high priced free agent acquisition and one other person for the starting tailback job…you have a BAD football team. Meanwhile, Eli keeps finding newer and younger people to throw the ball to and dammit, he’s actually turning into a decent football player. Their running backs are fantastic, the line does its job admirably and their defense is one of the tops in the league. Why the hell is this line under a touchdown? Hammer it. Hammer it into the ground. Make your bookie bend to your will. Take them to the cleaners for all the times that they took money that was rightfully yours. Take the Giants for God’s sake.

And while you’re in NYC, celebrating your win, hit up my favorite bar in the LES, Local 138 on Ludlow St (Stanton & Rivington). You might even find Mustafa there sucking down his 10th Strongbow of the night. No midgets or nothing, but they do have a burger joint next door with some tasty ass food. Get the fries…they are worth the calories.

Ass-Clowns

Ugh. Just what the world needed was another ass-clown athlete sharing their unfiltered, ungrateful, bullshit with the world. I am referring to Robert Henson, a LB for the Redskins who insulted his own fans on his twitter page calling them “dim-wits” and “fake-hearted Skins fans.” He then had the cajones to do this while bragging about how much money he makes “tweeting” that he makes more than them in a year and insulting those who dare work at McDonalds. What kind of star is this you ask? How many pro bowls has he attended? How many rings does he have? NONE! This ass-clown is a rookie who rides the bench and didn’t play a single second of the game that started his temper-tantrum in the first place! He was pissed the fans booed at the end of the Rams game when the Skins couldn’t score a single TD. Someone needs to school this dude and let him know that the Skins have the longest waiting list for season tickets in the NFL. He keeps opening his fat mouth and he’ll be the one working at McDonalds. Douchebag.

Secondly, I am in the elevator at work today talking to a co-worker about my horrible fantasy team. Some ass-clown stranger in the back of the elevator hears this and believes it is his duty to spew fantasy advice as if I am a damsel in distress. This would be fine and dandy if first, he wasn’t doing it because I am a chick and he felt the need to assume I don’t know what I’m talking about or, if second, he was actually giving me useful information. Here is the conversation that ensued:

Me: Yeah, I know I started Tom Brady at quarterback…no points there this week.

Ass-Clown: Who else is on your team?

Me: I list my players which include Joe Flacco and others

Ass-Clown: I say after Brady lights it up this weekend against my beloved Jets, you sell high on him and bring back a #1 WR and a #2 running back.

Me: (I don’t know whether or not tell him that his “beloved” Jets already won this game or to just laugh it off) Uhhh, yeah great idea…it would have been better if you gave me this advice last week though. (I figured I would just let him think on this a while).

Ass-Clown.

Who Buys This Sh*t? NFL Edition

The NFL season is underway with fans across the nation frothing at the mouth for every last bit of news about their favorite teams, heading out to training camps in the July heat and stocking up on stupid, insane memorabilia that they think proves their loyalty to a team and league which cares only about the money they give them. Which brings me to this…there are some NFL products out there that I know the vast majority of people out there would never buy…ever. I make no apologies for my love (hate) of the Washington Redskins, but that doesn’t mean I would buy anything with a logo slapped on it. I have a couple t-shirts, a coffee mug and a jersey for the late Sean Taylor…thats it. Does anyone need more? There is a whole lot of crap out there and we’re gonna show you the worst of the NFL merchandise that you can purchase for this upcoming football season:


The NFL $3000 Purse:
I honestly cannot believe I just wrote that but there are three thousand dollar NFL licenced purses that you can buy that feature over 5,300 Swarovski crystals to give them all sorts of bling. My mouth is agape. Although if that purse is too pricey, you can always pick up the $2449 football shaped Swarovski crystal purse. Yes, that is far more practical.

The NFL Office Chair:
I’m not sure what office you work in, but mine does not allow me to spend $400 on an office chair just because it has the team colors and logo of my favorite franchise. While I am sure it’s plenty ergonomic, this is just an utter waste of resources here. The office manager would be throwing a fit when I tried to write this off…and by office manager, I mean the woman I live with who would force me to sleep in that chair because I spent $400 on it instead of say, a new comforter set for our bed.
The NFL Boiler:
A fucking boiler? Is there no limit to what the NFL will license it’s name out to? Jesus Christ. The last thing I want to think about when I’m cooking up a pot roast is how my team is going to cope with a 2 game losing streak…oh wait, its not even made for cooking! If you look at the description, this is just a glorified copper basket. You’re supposed to use it for firewood or to fill with ice for your favorite beverage…for $199. Shit, for 200 bucks, this thing better start the fire, cook me dinner and hand me my favorite beverage.

The NFL “Creepiest Sleeping Bag Ever“:
“Ya sure, I’ll be in bed in a sec hon, I’ma just gonna to check on lil’ Brett…AH JESUS CHRIST! Lil’ Brett, what da hell are ya doin’ tah your sleeping bag???” Yea this thing isn’t creepy. When I have kids, I want them all to cuddle in bed next to their favorite Packer…not named Mark Chmura. As a side joke, the bag is not waterproof, insert your own here.

The NFL Watch:
Personally, I have no hesitation in dropping $1500 on a watch made by a company that I’ve never heard of, just so long as it has the official NFL seal of approval. That means it’s quality right there. Screw Tag or Rolex or Breitling, NFL is tha shit son. Everyone I know will be jealous of my fifteen hundred dollar watch with gold accents (ACCENTS?) and ceramic dial (CERAMIC???) not to mention the diamonds at the 12, 3, 6 and 9 time marks. Oh yea…bling bling son, bling bling.
NFL Pool Chlorinators:
Well this is just logical isn’t it?

The NFL “We Don’t Support Any Religion But Christianity” Advent Calendar:
Lest thee wonder which religion is the official religion of the NFL, wonder no longer.
The NFL Cufflinks:
When I rock a fine suit, the first thing I want people to see when they see me is what NFL football team I root for. Hell yea! This will be perfect for the next office party.

NFL Autographed Ryan Leaf Photo:
Yea, that was a little mean.

Beers Around The NFL Playoffs

The NFL playoffs start this weekend and we at the Deuce cannot be more excited. The playoffs are a time when we can actually watch every game on television and see the best of the best duke it out for a chance at the championship. The only beverage one should be consuming during this festive time is, of course, beer. So lets take a look at the 12 NFL playoff teams and the beer that best represents the cities/states/districts they are in. If you can actually find all 12 of these near you, get them, and drink them all this weekend with their corresponding games.

lets start out with the NFC…

Dallas Cowboys
Shiner Bock
A somewhat decent beer but a poor imitation of an actual German Boch beer. Sorta what you’d expect a Cowboys fan to drink since its from Texas and Texans love all things Texas and think that Texas is better than the rest of the union let alone the world…but we all know it isn’t and neither are the Cowboys. It tries to be classier than most American macrobrews but in reality its not that much different than the rest. Easy to go down and more flavorful than most macrobrews but when compared to all beers out there, its not that special at all. Drink it cold from a tap and you probably will do fine for yourself.

Green Bay Packers
Miller Lite
Yes, we all know this beer. This is the beer you graduated to after you totally realized that Milwaukee’s Best and PBR sucked ass…in high school. This is your college beer and hopefully you don’t drink it anymore because once you left school you had money and could afford a real beer. But if you do drink it, you know what to expect. Virtually no flavor, goes down like water, takes a lot to get you drunk but allows you to do a nice slow burn to total unconsciousness with enough effort. You have to drink an equal amount of beers as years Brett Favre has played in the NFL to really get your evening going…and you will.

Seattle Seahawks
Red Hook ESB
Now this is a classier beer here. Not a major brewer, its made in Washington, which means they can actually take the time to make a more complex beer since its not in super mega ultra mass production. Has a sweet and hoppy flavor and pours a copper/orange color and will satisfy you for a nice long evening of drinking. Its a good beer, typical of the Pacific Northwest breweries and Seattle fans should be proud to drink this beer, but like the team, it beat out a weak field to get this distinction.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Bud Light
They dont really brew much beer in Florida. There is the Florida brew company but I cant say I’ve ever had their beers or heard of it. When I think of Tampa Bay I think of one thing, stripclubs. For my strip club dollar there is only one beer I drink. Bud Light. Nothing goes better with that strip club stank than a nice watery beer that won’t get you so drunk that you’d do anything stupid in the club…and won’t cost you an arm and a leg with the strip club’s beer tax added on to it. Plus Jeff Garcia’s wife is a former Playboy playmate which means she stripped naked on at least one occasion. So cheers Tampa fans, drink your Buds with shame heavy in your heart. You are a town of strip clubs and strippers and your beer reflects you.

New York Giants
Brooklyn Lager
The unofficial beer of NYC and for good reason, this beer is a little gem of the US microbrewery world and a pretty good lager. Great complex flavor, full body, its an excellent example of how a lager should be made but something is missing, its still not an amazing beer, just a good one. Add it all up and its above average, much like the Giants. Has all the pieces to be a very good beer, but something is still missing to make it stand out above the entire league. Sure it looks good in its division, even its conference, but its not about to win the championship anytime soon.

Washington Redskins
Dominion Ale
Washington DC doesn’t really have a brewery to call its own, at least not an operating one, but due to its close proximity to Virginia and Maryland the city does have a few beers to choose from which it can adopt as its own. For this exercise I guess we’ll choose the old standard, Dominion Ale brewed right near Redskins HQ in Ashburn, VA. Its another quality microbrew with all sorts of flavor that sits on your mouth for awhile. Like the Redskins you don’t know exactly how good it is until its finished.

and now for the AFC

New England Patriots
Sam Adams Boston Lager
I mean, can there be another beer to choose for this team? This beer was at one time critically acclaimed but has since kinda sold out to become quite corporate and mass produced which is quite obviously shown in its flavor. Like the Patriots, the beer’s acclaim is a bit tainted with controversy, no it wasn’t a videotape scandal, but a ballot stuffing scandal at the Great American Beerfest where it won best beer in America many times a bit suspiciously.

Indianapolis Colts
Three Floyds Dark Lord Russian Imperial Stout
Indiana also doesn’t have a lot of breweries, but one of the beers this state produces is widely considered one of the best in the world. It is thick with what seems to be a thousand different flavors hitting the mouth at once. Coffee, molasses, malt, chocolate, fruits, wood, nuts, hops all come to tongue and mind when drinking this beverage. It is truly one of the best beers created anywhere at anytime. The Super Bowl champion Indianapolis Colts (for another month at least) should be watched and savored with this beer along side. Get it while you can though, its not around much and who knows when it’l be back.

San Diego Chargers
Arrogant Bastard Ale
This beer, like the Chargers, could be one of the best beers in its league but it isn’t. Actually some of the other Bastard beers are actually far better, but this one just gets around a lot more. Anyway, its got quite a rich flavor and you wont be disappointed drinking it. The same can’t be said for watching the Chargers, one week they look unstoppable, the next week they get stopped. If it weren’t for their arrogant bastard GM switching coaches last year they might be taken a lot more seriously. Sure no one has won with Marty, but NO ONE wins with Norv.

Pittsburgh Steelers
Iron City Beer
Now this is a craptacular beer in the Milwaukee’s Best vein of beers only somehow different and in my opinion worse. You know what you’re getting with this beer though, its a working man’s beer, nothing complex to think about with it as you just pound it and get it over with. There is no finesse here which is a perfect comparison to the Steelers game. They run it, they use play action, they have fundamentally solid defense. You know what you’re getting and they give it to you. Sometimes, that’s all a guy can want.

Jacksonville Jaguars
Natural Light
Again, the lack of Florida beers makes this difficult. So, because David Garrard might not be effective for the first round of the playoffs with his ankle and the crappy Steelers field might slow them down, I feel like this team is a bit watered down from what it could be. Jacksonville as a city is the most populated one in the state and one of the most populated cities in the country, but no one considers it a real city. All of that put together is like what I think of Natural Light. It sells a lot, but its not really a real beer, its quite watered down so it tastes like beer water. Its just pure nastiness and while it is technically beer, it really isnt. Its just suck in a can.

Tennessee Titans
Steel Reserve 211 High Gravity
Like a few other teams, this team’s state has no beer to call it’s own and since I’ve never been there, I’m just going to have to pick one so Steel Reserve it is. Why? Well because this beer is horrendous but it gets the job done. Luckily its sold in 40 ounces and once you get halfway through the bottle you cant even taste it anymore since your body’s natural defense mechanisms kick in and save you from having to suffer through it anymore…but MAN will it get you shit-faced. What I am saying is, like the Titans, its shit, but it works.