Say what you will about The Special One but he’s always into something. Language NSFW. When he’s not poking opposing coaches in the eye or calling out managers, he’s letting you know he won’t stand anyone calling out Ronaldo for diving. Good thing there are some things he kicks better than soccer balls.
Mourinho could be in trouble with the law after he and his bodyguard got into a confrontation with a fan. It is alleged that the bodyguard smashed the man’s cell phone and Jose literally kicked the guy in his ass. One can only hope he did it while the guy was bending down to pick up the phone and Yakety Sax was playing. Let this be a lesson to all. This is why you bend at the knees instead of the waist.
The celebrations right after Real Madrid’s 1-0 Copa del Rey win over Barcelona must have been something else. Imagine all that champagne, greasy hair and tanning product in one locker room. How else can you explain Sergio Ramos dropping the trophy off the open-top bus during the parade? If that’s not good enough for you, stick around for the bus running over the trophy after he drops it.
This is the type of situation that one expects from Stanley Cup winners. It’s almost disappointing when you don’t hear some story about that trophy being used as a hat, toilet, drinking utensil or weapon. Imagine what Real will do to the Champions League trophy if they win it. My money’s on Ronaldo giving it the herpes he picked up from banging Paris Hilton.
Real Madrid knows that sex sells, so the team has decided to start up its own futbol inspired lingerie line for men to enjoy. Well i mean i guess women can enjoy it too, but c’mon, you add a submarine sammich in this picture and its about every man’s wet dream staring right at you. You want another picture? You got it.
The underwear sets are pretty subtle though, its not like the Real Madrid branding is all over it in a gaudy fashion, no its subtle, delicate…smooth…supple…ahem. God bless the soccer marketing geniuses. If you want to pick up some of these suckers, you gotta wait until March tho. Boo-hoo.
I hope the NFL, kings of marketing here in the US, take notice here. Well, for that matter, lets hope all American professional sports look at this and copy it. This is how it should be done if you want to get your name plastered on the sexy naughty bits of women everywhere. Lets hope they can make it happen. Of course if it does happen here in the states, i guarantee you that the majority of the women everywhere who would actually wear this stuff…probably shouldnt be seen in it if you want to keep your eyes intact.
An alarming trend is increasing in English soccer. We’re not talking about roasting. That goes back to the days of the Magna Carta. We’re talking about players getting on the mic and thinking they have skills. We last brought you the manatee-ish warblings of Cristiano Ronaldo covering Julio Igelsias. Don’t worry, Man U fans. You still have Rio Ferdinand. He may be shit on the pitch lately but at least his skills on the mic haven’t faltered … Um never mind.
Fergie should bench him for this abomination. Never mind his crap form for United.
Speaking of Ronaldo, we can’t leave you without letting you know about his new collaboration. The Portuguese walrus of love is reportedly collaborating with Joe Jackson to put an end to George Foreman’s reign as the king of grills. The two are teaming up to release a line of grills shaped like soccer balls called “Goalie Grills”.
If there’s anyone who knows how to work a grill, it’s the guy pictured above. You know I could go with the boxer but I’m gonna go with the effeminate soccer player with the short shorts and pink shirt. Hopefully the grill plays his new jam whenever it’s opened. How long until your guests find a way to impale you with a spatula or spork?
Joe Jackson is claiming this story is true so it’s probably not since we haven’t heard from the tikka-tinged one. If this project is legit, it’ll end with Joe beating Ronaldo to a pulp. “Always be selling, fancy boy!” Tito will be in the corner crying, “That’s what daddy did to Michael when he took my syrup! Mama, make him stop!” while Katherine screams, “Joe, stop beatin’ that girl! Joe, stop beatin’ that girl!”*
Douche Unlimited is the new Love Unlimited. If you’ve been waiting for one more reason to hate on Cristiano Ronaldo, your wait is over. You’ve seen him dive on the pitch like the Kursk. Now witness his musical dive as he covers Julio Iglesias’ Amor Mio.
Amor Mio is just one of the songs that Ronaldo agreed to cover as part of an advertising campaign for Portuguese bank Banco Espírito Santo. They apparently also trample Barry White’s legacy in the name of more deposits. If you hear about Sea World walruses losing their shit in the next couple weeks, you’ll know why. Expect human collateral damage. No one disrespects the Walrus of Love and gets away with it.